By on December 12, 2012

Bring A Trailer rarely disappoints, but today is an exceptionally fruitful day. Not one, but three delightfully kitschy relics of the Reagan era are on sale, offering something for a broad spectrum of tastes, whether you like new wave, metal or the burgeoning urban genre known as “hip-hop”.

Option 1: The Callaway Corvette – This baby did not age well. The teal paint and “ribbed for her pleasure” body cladding evoke the worst possible Corvette stereotypes; impotence, pattern baldness, substance abuse. The 345 horsepower figure isn’t anything to write home about in an era where a Lincon MKWhatever Ecoboost would leave it for dead at a stop light. But like those impossibly high-cut bikinis, it’s still appealing in a strangely retro way.

Recommended soundtrack: The Scorpions – Rock You Like A Hurricane

Option 2: The AMGrey Market Mercedes – if you’ve ever fantasized about yourself and Lorenzo rollin in a Benzo, this one’s for you. The monochromatic red aesthetic looks Straight Outta Compton’ by way of Stuttgart, and there’s room for yourself plus some additional honeys. You can even have a couple sit on the rear deck as you slowly cruise down the main drag, puffing on a Philly Blunt. This 500SL makes today’s AMG cars seem like commoditized simulacra intended for the spouses of developing world plutocrats. Oh, wait a minute…

Recommended sountrack: Eric B & Rakim – Paid In Full

Option 3: The RUF 911 – this car kills novice drivers. ‘Nuff said. This is about as far removed from a Cayenne as one can get. I’ll take it.

Recommended soundtrack: The stereo was removed by RUF to shave 1.3 kilograms off the curb weight

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47 Comments on “QOTD: Cocaine Cowboys, Pick Your Money Pit...”

  • avatar

    The Callaway makes 590 ft lbs of torque. I’ll take all three.

    • 0 avatar
      Roberto Esponja

      Thank you. And that’s exactly why this car would never be left for dead at a stoplight by a “a Lincon MKWhatever Ecoboost”…

      • 0 avatar

        Torque RULES!

        But then most of the B&B has the attitude of “Multiple Overhead Cams and 10,000 RPM redline AUTOMATICALLY GOOD! Pushrod and torque off the line AUTOMATICALLY BAD!” – Done in best “Hulk Smash” voice.

      • 0 avatar

        I would think that between two average drivers, the automatic, AWD car would be easier to get a good launch from. Anyways, it’s just hypothetical bench racing.

        The correct answer is: get the best of both worlds, buy a Syclone/Typhoon.

      • 0 avatar

        I’ve never driven one, but Calllaways are considered quite difficult to launch.

        I’m still not sure that a stock Lincoln would beat it though, let alone “leave it for dead”.

        The only way to solve this is for TTAC to buy the Callaway and run it against a few Lincolns.

      • 0 avatar

        Ken Lingenfelter, who knows a thing or two about fast Chevys, has a number of Callaway Corvettes in his collection, including a couple of twin turbo C4 versions like this one. I typically see him a few times a year at major car shows around Detroit, so I’ll ask him if he thinks a vintage Callaway is faster than an EcoBoost Ford product.

        Pics here:

      • 0 avatar

        The original Callaway had 345 hp and 465 lb-ft of torque.

        From Car and Driver:

        “The C4 also attracted plenty of tuners eager to make it even faster. With Bobby Rahal, I helped test the original Callaway Twin-Turbo in 1986. In just a few days, we fried three engines in two cars. With 345 horsepower-very impressive back then-it ran the quarter in 13.2.”

        About as quick as a V6 Mustang.

      • 0 avatar

        The ’88 got 382hp and 575 ft lbs, my bad. If I recall they were about identical or slightly faster than ZR-1s.

      • 0 avatar

        “About as quick as a V6 Mustang.”

        A 13.2 is a 5.0 time. That’s a good half second faster than a stock 3.7.

      • 0 avatar

        Well, a 13.2 is an automatic GT convertible time anyway.

      • 0 avatar

        A Lingenfelter in a Callaway? That reminds me of this hilarious meme…

  • avatar

    “But like those impossibly high-cut bikinis, it’s still appealing in a strangely retro way.”

    Hmmmmmmm Derek, I prefer the ones with ties on the side in white… Very 80s and somehow naughty.

    Oh year right the cars. Gimme the Vette or the AMG MB. Engine/transmission swaps are easy on the Vette and the mid 80s was back when German Engineering still meant something.

  • avatar

    check out this post I found: a porsche 924 SHOOTING BRAKE

    it looks surprisingly good and well executed, although the price is ridiculous.

  • avatar

    The AMG Mercedes is probably the worst money pit, lots of upkeep for not much reward. And boy howdy are the wheels ugly. The 911 on the other hand may cost more in end, but at least its scary fast. The Corvette is hideous, I doubt even a pimp would drive it, but out of the 3 it will be the most reliable in the long term.

    • 0 avatar

      “The AMG Mercedes is probably the worst money pit, lots of upkeep for not much reward”
      Agreed not much reward – R107s are a dime a dozen. Don’t agree it would be a money pit. These things will run forever with minimal care – part are everywhere and the engine (assuming its an unmolested 2-valve 5.0L M117) is virtually bulletproof.

  • avatar

    I can’t imagine it would be difficult to fit more modern turbos to the Callaway. If that was the case, the horsepower and amount of torx would multiply….

    • 0 avatar

      They’d need a new intake manifold and a frame mod called the “wonderbar”. The turbos are down by the transmission and the plumbing is greatly improved by pushing air through the frame rail itself instead of trying to go around it. Some callaways have been modded into monsters, but they’re rare. The end result of enough tinkering would be something like the sledgehammer that had 1000-1200hp and went 255mph.

  • avatar

    Good grief, Derek, stereotype much? It goes to show you weren’t around then. :)

    Wifey and I have always liked the red Mercedes regardless of the year represented by photo #2, but it had better have a saddle brown interior, though – not black, ever.

    I’m sure the ‘Vette is the most trouble-free of the three, relatively speaking.

    Pushrods forever…

    • 0 avatar

      These days can pick up a 500hp crate motor for about 6 grand (with warranty).
      That should be enough for most of us.

    • 0 avatar

      Hey Zackman! My wife is the same way about that model of Benz. Once she figured out what a 560 SEL was, *THAT* was the Benz for her. No other.

      I’d agree with you, I think the Vette would be the way to go. If the original Callaway motor gets too troublesome, hello GMPP!

  • avatar

    “Bring A Trailer rarely fails to disappoint…”

    I rather like the site, even if it is responsible for introducing me to my two early-’80s Austin-Rover products.

  • avatar

    As a firm 80s fan (c/o 89) I’d grab the AMG (perfect sound track too) and the RUF as well, love that whale tail! ‘Vettes are a dime a dozen with easy, affordable upgrades at any garage. However as mentioned you would have to repaint it for sure.

    BTW Cocaine Cowboys was a good movie. To round out your 80s/Miami viewing pleasure watch the 30 for 30 ESPN movie about the Miami Hurricanes aka the “U”.

    • 0 avatar

      “We was baaaad boys.”

      – Michael Irvin

    • 0 avatar

      That 30 for 30 series is great. They’ve been airing them in Canada regularly on TSN/TSN2 lately, and I’ve been DVRing them all. Looks like “The U” is coming up tomorrow. Just watched “Benji” yesterday evening.

      I’ll take the beautiful RUF though, and hope my fear of that thing will somehow be enough to keep me alive. All throttle changes will occur in slow motion.

      I wouldn’t mind the Vette. It’s ugly, yet there’s a nostalgic appeal and I’d happily accept any strange looks from other drivers. I’d be in on the joke. I still have red iridium Oakley Blades that would go perfect with it.

    • 0 avatar

      There is a Cocaine Cowboys sequel too. Cocaine Cowboys 2: Hustlin’ with the Godmother. Also look for Square Grouper: The Godfathers of Ganja.

      The first CC and Square Grouper seem to do a good job for giving a feel for their eras. With CC2 I’m left wondering how much of it is a put-on.

  • avatar

    RUF, RUF!

    The Corvete Callaway/high bikini comparison is completely on target. Hot, but in a Miami VIce Green kinda way…(you know the color I’m talking about)

  • avatar

    The RUF, for sure, the only one of the 3 that would be just as nice to have today as it was back in the day.

  • avatar

    The Porsche would definitely get you laid 10x sooner than the other two combined. Gets my vote just for ass magnet material.

    For my .02, I still deem “Paid in Full” the best rap album of all time. No drugs, no female degradation, just fun flowing music. I miss those days!

  • avatar

    A little black paint on the MB wheels would help. I agree the interior should be tan, not black. Not ever. The Porsche’s problems, on the other hand, cannot be resolved so easily. A friend was considering buying an expensive car and was so thoroughly turned off by the MB salesman and the clown-car wing that he ended up with an early generation Acura Legend. That was a nice car. We took it on I-25 once and somewhere over 100 we had to turn up the radio. Unfortunately, some neighborhood fellows stole it, drove it around a while, and then burned it.

  • avatar

    345 HP is “nothing to write home about”??? Really?? Since when? “Leave it for dead at a stop light”? Oh I get it, this is the comic relief part of the show.. Ok, thought you were serious for a sec..

  • avatar

    That Callaway twin turbo Corvette was a very quick back in the day. 0-60 in around 3 seconds and it could go round corners to. Is that not the one that could pull more G’s in a corner than a Porsche 959?

  • avatar

    Woops. I just looked at my comment and I meant to say my friend was turned off by the Porsche salesman.

  • avatar
    el scotto

    The RUF, some new Armani, and $500 sunglasses. Then I’d cruise South Beach. Only in my late 40’s mind;)

  • avatar

    As a product of the late 60’s and growing up on Miami Vice, I have a soft spot for the teal Corvette. But give me the RUF 911 any day of the week. I just need to tape a note on the windshield, never, ever, EVER lift off the throttle in a turn. Never, ever, EVER lift off the throttle in a turn, Never ever, EVER…

  • avatar

    I got all the rap references. The glory days…

    Edit – the RUF of course. The only car that has even remotely aged well.

  • avatar

    Love that Callaway. It’s great to see a vehicle from a time when cars came in colors outside of black, grey, silver, or white.

    “This baby did not age well. The teal paint and “ribbed for her pleasure” body cladding evoke the worst possible Corvette stereotypes;” I find myself wondering if today’s cars with their matte (short for depressingly dreary and dull) blacks/greys, Garanimals wheels, and costume jewelry head/taillamps will age well.

  • avatar

    What da? Miami, 80’s, and NO Scarface reference???
    Really? I am soooo disappointed in you, at leasy throw in a little “vice” and add a Dino and Caddy.
    Me? Give me Tony’s 928 and Michelle Pfeiffer!

  • avatar

    All three of these look straight outta that obscure Charlie Sheen vehicle “No Man’s Land”…anyone remember that one?

  • avatar

    “Bring A Trailer rarely fails to disappoint…”

    So, you’re saying the site is generally disappointing?

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