The Preliminary TWAT Shortlist

I think TWAT is a stupid list, IMHO. Let me summarize the absurdity of the nominations by forgetting about cars and making a list of hypothetical objections using a similar consumer good. Say, smart phones. -Palm ABC sucks because they built their heritage on PDA's, won championships with their sleek PDA's, and I had wet dreams about their PDA's 10 years ago. Now they're in the smart phone business, and its a dilution of everything Palm stands for. -Toshiba DEF is for boring people who eat vanilla. I want to manually shift my own buttons. Even though I take mine to the shop every second week. -HTC GHI sucks because it's antenna is on the wrong end. I only buy mine with antennas on the rear like God intended, not on the front. And adding antennas to the front and back adds weight, complexity, and shortens battery life. -Samsung KLM is a monster phone for people with small members. Who needs a 5 inch screen? They're just compensation for something. -Vertu NOP is blatant bling, and totally distasteful. Bring on the rap stars and housewives of Anchorage. -LG QRS isn't even a smart phone, and it's tiny. It's marketed to the Millenials, and costs $30, but who would buy this crap? They can just buy a 1-2 year old used smart phone instead. Loser! -Asus TUV is great, and they should bring it back. It's a 15 year old design, I can wrench it myself, parts are cheap, and it's easy to mod. -Zenith XYZ sucks because they sold crap in the 1970's and 80's, and never again will I buy that brand. The imports are better! -Apple 123 sucks. One word: maps!

The only thing the so called 'Smart" car has going for it is the monoque (sp) construction for saftey but I am sure this adds a considerable amount to the cost. But I sure would not want to be in one without the roll cage were it to be in an accident. I will just let them rot at the Mercedes dealers. We have had them here in Canada a lot longer than the USA and let me tell you there is no such thing as a repeat customer and they are showing up on lots of second line used car lots. And for any fanboys of said vehicle ask a current owner what it costs to have the oil changed.

IMHO, a TWAT should truly stand out. It is not enough for a car to be simply boring (Camry, Civic) or not keeping ahead of the competition (3 Series). For me that means a car has to be a really dumb idea (CrossTour, ZDX, 5 Series GT) or a good idea with really poor execution (CRZ) IOW, a true TWAT should, on first glance, make you wonder what the hell they were thinking and how did this ever make it into production. Or a 5 minute ride in the car should leave you wondering how they managed to take a good concept and screw it up so badly.

I nominate the Bland...err, Land Rover LR2. Reliability so poor you'll confuse a rusty Yugo carcass with a Lexus LS. Gas mileage so dismal (at least in the 2012) I'm surprised they haven't made an "OPEC edition" yet. Price so ridiculous you'll be asking people who paid full price for the last new SAABs to host motivational speeches on "living within your means". Proportions so awkward they make a Cimarron look like a classic Fleetwood limousine. And the best part? I still see suckers driving these around. P.T. Barnum was right, I guess, there's one born every minute. Must be that green oval on the front - while I've never met an LR2 owner in real life, something tells me they won't settle for a blue oval or the three ovals.