Jalopnik Creates What May Be The Most Offensive Blog Post In Automotive History

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth

The breadth and diversity of TTAC’s readership is such that I really cannot manage to offend you all at once. If I talk about evading the police at night, some of you just shake your heads and say, “What a scamp!” If I admit to selling a female friend’s body to a wealthy industrialist for five thousand dollars, most of you assume I’m either fibbing or just, well, allowed to do that sort of thing. Even my use (while quoting someone else, admittedly) of an infamous term commonly used to refer to a bundle of loose branches resulted in as many pro-Baruth comments as anti-Baruth ones. I admit it: the commentariat can’t really be trolled. You win.

Some people aim higher than I do, however, and Jalopnik’s Ray Wert is one of those people.

In his post entitled I Would Go Gay For Bob Lutz, Ray brags that

I would absolutely “go gay” for former General Motors Vice-Chairman “Maximum” Bob Lutz… Yes, that’s right, I’m sitting next to Owen Thomas on a park bench in San Francisco, and yet somehow I manage to be the gayest thing in the entire clip.

Make no mistake: Ray Wert is an extremely intelligent fellow who has a reason for everything he does. It’s never a good idea to bet against him. The Jalopnik editors who laughed at him and demanded his removal now either lick his boots in staff meetings or rage at him impotently from dead-tree dead-ends. His decision to successfully (appear to) play king-maker at Car and Driver confirmed what most of us already believed: Ray is the most powerful individual in this business, as well as being one of the most influential.

With this “go gay” business, however, Ray may have committed a rare mis-step. His gay readers don’t appreciate the idea that being gay is a choice; his straight readers are alternately bemused and offended. Wert trivializes homosexuality even as he pretends to embrace it.

While there are many women in this business whom I have been lucky or deceptive enough to would love to sleep with, I can’t imagine liking a car dude enough to change teams. Even Maximum Bob doesn’t exert that kind of charm on me. But, for the record, as our respective times in the “CTS-V Challenge” using the same car demonstrate, if I did, I would totally be the “top”.*

* Oh, behave!

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • DasFast DasFast on Feb 02, 2012

    Astute post race analysis Jack; allow me to add to the discussion. In my opinion, Maximum Bob would be the less often encountered dominant bottom. He is used to existing at the top of the power pyramid after all. That said, I think there's little chance he'd ask you be versatile. Remember, he owns no mere jacked and chipped Duramax, but a MiG-17. With that level of overcompensation at play, there's a strong chance his crotch situation is tragic. Of course there's always the strap-on...

  • Boltar Boltar on Feb 03, 2012

    ". . . if I did, I would totally be the 'top'." Sure Jack, yes we're all sure you would. Sure sounds like whistling while you walk past the graveyard, though . . . .

  • 3-On-The-Tree Lou_BCone of many cars I sold when I got commissioned into the army. 1964 Dodge D100 with slant six and 3 on the tree, 1973 Plymouth Duster with slant six, 1974 dodge dart custom with a 318. 1990 Bronco 5.0 which was our snowboard rig for Wa state and Whistler/Blackcomb BC. Now :my trail rigs are a 1985 Toyota FJ60 Land cruiser and 86 Suzuki Samurai.
  • RHD They are going to crash and burn like Country Garden and Evergrande (the Chinese property behemoths) if they don't fix their problems post-haste.
  • Golden2husky The biggest hurdle for us would be the lack of a good charging network for road tripping as we are at the point in our lives that we will be traveling quite a bit. I'd rather pay more for longer range so the cheaper models would probably not make the cut. Improve the charging infrastructure and I'm certainly going to give one a try. This is more important that a lowish entry price IMHO.
  • Add Lightness I have nothing against paying more to get quality (think Toyota vs Chryco) but hate all the silly, non-mandated 'stuff' that automakers load onto cars based on what non-gearhead focus groups tell them they need to have in a car. I blame focus groups for automatic everything and double drivetrains (AWD) that really never gets used 98% of the time. The other 2% of the time, one goes looking for a place to need it to rationanalize the purchase.
  • Ger65691276 I would never buy an electric car never in my lifetime I will gas is my way of going electric is not green email
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