Back That You-Know-What Up

My name is Dr. Greg Gulbransen, and I am a pediatrician practicing in Oyster Bay, New York. I spend most of my time caring for the health and safety of children. I would consider myself to be a very safety-conscious professional and parent. My tragic story could absolutely happen to any family in America.

On October 19th, 2002, my wife Leslie and I returned home from an evening out. It was 9:30 p.m., and I went outside to put my SUV in the driveway. Inside were the babysitter, my wife and my two sons – or so I thought. While I was backing up the car into the driveway, I felt the wheel go over a bump. I jumped out of the SUV so I could figure out what I had hit. There on the driveway was my 2-year-old son Cameron, bleeding to death from massive head injuries.

I can’t begin to describe the shock and devastation. How did this happen? He was in the house and I looked where I was going. How could I have missed him? I had looked in the rear view mirrors, the side mirrors and out the back window, but I never saw him. I never even had a chance of seeing Cameron. He was too small.

Before becoming a parent, I would have described this fellow as “publicity-seeking douchebag egomaniac who used what was probably a semi-intoxicated speedbumping of his designer yuppie baby to stick his nose in the business of other people who have yet to negligently speedbump their own kids, attempting to get his son’s name on some intrusive legislation for the purpose of calming down his wife so he doesn’t lose his Chihuly collection in the divorce.”

Now, in 2012, as a parent of a nearly three-year-old child myself, I realize that calling him a drunk on a major website could get me sued, which could negatively affect my ability to pay off the parents of the first girl my son knocks up at a rave twelve years from now. So let’s assume that Dr. Gulbransen was totally sober after his night out when he tossed that pup in reverse and tragically killed his own son. Regardless, let’s discuss the “Cameron Gulbransen Kids Transportation Safety Act of 2007” and what it now means as of this past Wednesday.

The New York Times reported yesterday that the NHTSA will force automakers to add a backup camera to all vehicles sold in the United States beginning in 2014. The Times opines that

However, in a preliminary version circulated for public comment, regulators predicted that adding the cameras and viewing screens will cost the auto industry as much as $2.7 billion a year, or $160 to $200 a vehicle. At least some of the cost is expected to be passed on to consumers through higher prices.

You think? Hard to believe that the entire auto industry won’t just throw that in as a freebie. Backup cameras for everyone, courtesy of The One Percent! It also seems difficult to believe that the cost of putting a working backup camera in a vehicle is a hundred and sixty bucks. Perhaps in a loaded Ford Explorer that already has a unibody full of fiber optics and a big center-dash LCD. The cost of putting one in a base Kia Rio will certainly be higher. So the poorer you are, the more the legislation will cost you. Sounds awfully, um, regressive to me.

According to the people at Kidsandcars.org,

In the U.S. at least fifty children are being backed over by vehicles EVERY week. Forty-eight (48) are treated in hospital emergency rooms and at least two (2) children are fatality injured every WEEK.

• The predominant age of victims is one year olds. (12‐23 months)

• Over 60% of backing up incidents involved a larger size vehicle. (truck, van, SUV)

• Tragically, in over 70% of these incidents, a parent or close relative is behind the wheel.

Those are fairly depressing statistics. It’s easy to see how the 30% of “stranger-related backovers” occur. Plenty of people do careless reversing, self included, and particularly in places where we don’t expect to see children. The rest of it just seems inexcusable. Having lived in a suburb for over a decade, I’m in the habit of walking around the back of my car before backing up. Perhaps two dozen times in that ten years there has been a child in the vicinity. The solution to the situation is always clear. You move the child, alert the parents, or wait a moment. It’s that simple. Even when I know my own son is somewhere else, I look for my neighbor’s children. Dr. Gulbransen’s failure to do that cost him the life of his own son.

The Times article notes the so-called “Liddy light” — the third brake light mandated back in 1986. The effect of the “Liddy light” was very clear to most of us who were driving at the time. For the first few years, the presence of a high-mounted stoplight reduced rear-end accidents… and then people simply adjusted to looking for one light on the back of the car instead of two. Nowadays, having a dead CHMSL will get you nailed in the ass faster than attending one of Kobe Bryant’s house parties. Let’s hope that these mandatory cameras don’t wind up just being ignored… or worse yet, creating a false sense of security. There’s no substitute for looking for children. Ever. If you back over a child, it is your fault. Not the SUV’s fault, not the government’s, not the child’s. Your fault. Tragic, but true.