2012 Car and Driver "10 Best" Fails To Include The Honda Accord. Sorta.

It’s probably fair to say that, of all the ridiculous Special Advertising Awards in the print rag business, the Car and Driver “10 Best” comes closest to being a legitimate honor. True, the years where the awards had to be split equally between “import” and “domestic” were kind of ridiculous, and the backslapping, manufacturer parties, and exchange of honoraria between C/D and the “winners” cast an unfortunate shadow of cronyism and back-room dealing over the whole thing, but it’s some order of magnitude more respectable than the “Car whose manufacturer bought the most ad space Of The Year”.

This year’s awards, like always, are predictable enough that most TTAC readers could guess most of them ahead of time. If you want to test your knowledge, go ahead and write ’em down then click the jump. You’ll be semi-wrong about one of them, however. This year, there’s one “surprise” that will either confirm or destroy your faith in the so-called “10 Best”…

“Unlike in years past, the V-6–powered Accords do not share in this 10Best prize. Competitors, ­notably the V-6 VW Passat, play a more convincing premium-family-car riff.” My God, you can just feel the “Men’s Journal” slime dripping from that phrase. A more convincing premium-family-car riff. All it really needs is that mid-Noughties Tony-Swan-esque addition of a comma and the word “pal” to stand as a completely typical post-DED C/D sentence. So be it. This year, as in every year since well before Katy Perry was born, the Honda Accord wins “10 Best”, but this year, it’s for the four-cylinder model only. Got it? Don’t go running off to buy a six-cylinder Accord. It doesn’t play a very convincing riff.

Why did C/D even bother to qualify the award? It would have been a better, braver thing to do to either take the Accord off the list or simply admit that they are unwilling to cost Honda an advertising “riff” that has been played, to the mutual benefit of both companies, more often than the opening to “Reelin’ In The Years”. I would give a lot to have the transcripts of the relevant discussions between the players in this particular “studio session”. Whatevs, as Ms. Perry might say. Here are the remaining nine, with comments.

Ford Mustang GT and Boss 302. It’s hard not to love the current Mustang, which just seems to do everything better than its competition. “Our biggest complaints are that the steering wheel lacks a telescoping feature and that steering feedback is, at best, vague.” Here at TTAC, our biggest complaint is that the Getrag stick-stift seems prone to exploding, but… you say potato, I say Chinese tranny.

Ford Focus In this case, the PowerShift transmission comes in for some criticism from C/D. The rest of the article is some loathsome boxing metaphor that hits your sense of decency like a Mike Tyson punch to the jaw.

Volkswagen Golf and GTI Because, you know, they can totally tell the difference between the rear suspension in the Golf and the one in the Jetta.

Cadillac CTS-V “Let’s get the CTS-V’s achilles’ heel out of the way first: It’s useless as a getaway car.” Guffaw.

Mazda MX-5 Miata Fair enough.

Porsche Boxster and Cayman “The ­Boxster has now made 12 10Best appearances since its 1998 debut, and this will be the sixth straight for the Cayman. Porsche will unveil a new Boxster in the spring; we can’t wait to meet it.” Something tells me the C/D boys will be the first ones on the plane to Europe for said meeting. The phrase “engine failure” was apparently left on the editing floor in the rush to praise the Boxster’s twelve years of excellence.

Honda Fit “In other markets, this tiny Honda is sold as the Jazz, which is appropriate: It exudes all the unflappable cool and versatility of a session drummer.” I’m simply going to stop feeling guilty about making music and guitar references in my articles. Here’s one: the kind of advertising cash you can get from writing stuff like that will buy you a 1959 Les Paul.

BMW 3-Series “After 21 consecutive years on the 10Best list, BMW continues to evolve the 3-series toward some platonic ideal of sportiness.” Raise your hand if you think the sportiness of the current 328i has “evolved” from the E36 325i. Me neither.

Audi A6 “It’s easy for love affairs to wilt as life’s odometer ticks off the years. But our passion for the Audi A6—a two-time comparison-test winner in its previous guise—has now burgeoned into the sort of fiery affair that would have prompted Humbert to jam a ring onto each of Lolita’s 10 delicate digits.” Alright then! I’m off to find that shower they used on Karen Silkwood; after reading this, I just won’t feel clean until I get the full scrub. In the meantime, you can read the entire article by buying C/D at your local newsstand, or simply agreeing to pay $3.99 for a ten-year subscription.