By on August 13, 2011

I’m back on the LeMons trail again, this time at Circuit Grand Bayou aka No Problem Raceway in lovely Belle Rose, Louisiana. It’s so hot and swampy here in August that we’re running the race from 8:00 PM to 10:00 AM, making it more like the 14 hours of LeMons. It’s all sugar cane fields, bugs, sweat, and excellent Cajun cuisine here, and we’re having a great time.
So many weak-kneed racers are scared of Louisiana in August that we’ve got only about 20 super-hard-core teams that showed up for this one. The teams that are here tend to be the never-say-die type, and that’s what we’re seeing with this Prelude team; they spun a rod bearing in their engine during practice yesterday, so they promptly went out and found a running Ford Tempo for 200 bucks on Craigslist. At this moment, they’ve got a replacement engine (of dubious provenance) on the way from Houston, but if it’s no good they’ll be swapping the cage from the Prelude into the Tempo. How hard could it be?
No Problem is definitely the top LeMons track when it comes to pit cuisine; racers have brought us crawfish, ribs, barbecued chicken, and the best boudin sausage we’ve ever tasted. The Southern Comfort and cracklins are for emergency use only.
Of the Index of Effluency contenders, the obvious favorite is this ’78 Ford Granada coupe, aka the Swamp Thang.
The team hails from “Bayou Self,” Louisiana.
Wait, who’s this guy? Yes, Unununium Legend of LeMons Spank has flown out from San Diego to help drive the Granada; after fellow Unununium Legend Speedycop flew from Maryland to California to drive at the Arse Sweat-a-Palooza, we’re seeing a very pleasing trend here.
Because we have the smallest turnout in LeMons history at this race, I decided to make a special LeMons Supreme Court “Bribed” stencil. That way, the 100 teams that show up at the next Houston race can turn green and yellow with envy when they see this super-exclusive collector’s-item stencil on the competition.
Speaking of envy, there’s a certain Motor Trend editor who wishes he’d decided to judge this race, now that he’s seen the diecast Isetta bribe that could have been his.
The favorite for the win on laps has to be the two-time-winning Hong Norr Mazda MX-3 team… but a lot can happen on a LeMons track. Check in later for race updates!

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