Chinese Cops Catch Speeder Copping A Feel

Bertel Schmitt
by Bertel Schmitt

My former wife was an artist. One of her shows was for the benefit of Washington DC’s National Zoo. At the opening, a society dame walked up to her.

“Love your boobies.”

“I beg your pardon?”

The lady referred to the depiction of a school of the sula nebouxii, a.k.a. the Blue Footed Booby, a water bird. Boobies can cause all kinds of misunderstandings. That thought crossed my mind as I watched the picture above.

I found it at Chinacartimes. Apparently, the picture is spreading like wildfire through the Chinese interwebs. Says CCT:

“The driver in question was piloting his Nissan X-Trail down a Sichuan highway earlier this week and was caught on camera having a quick feel of his passengers fun bags, of course the reason he was caught on camera in the first place was due to him being caught speeding at 92kmh in an 80kmh zone with his hands in the warm place. The picture was somehow leaked to the internet and rapidly spread online with many leaving scathing comments on the leak of the picture, the Minyang Police have already become involved in investigating how the picture was leaked to start with.”

The original picture had the full license plate. Armchair researchers quickly traced the car to a man surnamed Deng. Deng’s full name, home address, place of work and other personal data were published. Reporters asked Deng why his hands had wandered to the lady’s chest, and he came up with the meek excuse that he was giving her a chest massage to lower her blood pressure.

Come on. The standard answer is:

“Look, as you see, neither of us wore belts. Observing the posted speed limit, I was braking hard and protected her from slamming into the windshield.”

Standard reply:

“NEVER do that. Keep your hands on the wheel.”

I mean, why else would you touch a woman’s chest in China? There isn’t much to find. NEVER take your hands off the wheel when speeding. As described in Jack Baruth’s seminal (and flame-provoking) series “Maximum Street Speed Explained,” the only time you loosen your grip is when you go airborne: “Relax your hands and make sure your thumbs are clear of the steering, and keep the throttle at the same place you had when you left the ground.” Listen to Jack. He’s a boob-man.

Bertel Schmitt
Bertel Schmitt

Bertel Schmitt comes back to journalism after taking a 35 year break in advertising and marketing. He ran and owned advertising agencies in Duesseldorf, Germany, and New York City. Volkswagen A.G. was Bertel's most important corporate account. Schmitt's advertising and marketing career touched many corners of the industry with a special focus on automotive products and services. Since 2004, he lives in Japan and China with his wife <a href="http://www.tomokoandbertel.com"> Tomoko </a>. Bertel Schmitt is a founding board member of the <a href="http://www.offshoresuperseries.com"> Offshore Super Series </a>, an American offshore powerboat racing organization. He is co-owner of the racing team Typhoon.

More by Bertel Schmitt

Comments
Join the conversation
2 of 11 comments
  • SCE to AUX The fix sounds like a bandaid. Kia's not going to address the defective shaft assemblies because it's hard and expensive - not cool.
  • Analoggrotto I am sick and tired of every little Hyundai Kia Genesis flaw being blown out of proportion. Why doesn't TTAC talk about the Tundra iForce Max problems, Toyota V35A engine problems or the Lexus 500H Hybrid problems? Here's why: education. Most of America is illiterate, as are the people who bash Hyundai Kia Genesis. Surveys conducted by credible sources have observed a high concentration of Hyundai Kia Genesis models at elite ivy league universities, you know those places where students earn degrees which earn more than $100K per year? Get with the program TTAC.
  • Analoggrotto NoooooooO!
  • Ted “the model is going to be almost 4 inches longer and 2 inches wider than its predecessor”Size matters. In this case there is 6” too much.
  • JMII Despite our past experience with Volvo my wife wants an EX30 badly. Small, upscale, minimalist EV hatch is basically her perfect vehicle.
Next