Chinese Cops Catch Speeder Copping A Feel

Bertel Schmitt
by Bertel Schmitt

My former wife was an artist. One of her shows was for the benefit of Washington DC’s National Zoo. At the opening, a society dame walked up to her.

“Love your boobies.”

“I beg your pardon?”

The lady referred to the depiction of a school of the sula nebouxii, a.k.a. the Blue Footed Booby, a water bird. Boobies can cause all kinds of misunderstandings. That thought crossed my mind as I watched the picture above.

I found it at Chinacartimes. Apparently, the picture is spreading like wildfire through the Chinese interwebs. Says CCT:

“The driver in question was piloting his Nissan X-Trail down a Sichuan highway earlier this week and was caught on camera having a quick feel of his passengers fun bags, of course the reason he was caught on camera in the first place was due to him being caught speeding at 92kmh in an 80kmh zone with his hands in the warm place. The picture was somehow leaked to the internet and rapidly spread online with many leaving scathing comments on the leak of the picture, the Minyang Police have already become involved in investigating how the picture was leaked to start with.”

The original picture had the full license plate. Armchair researchers quickly traced the car to a man surnamed Deng. Deng’s full name, home address, place of work and other personal data were published. Reporters asked Deng why his hands had wandered to the lady’s chest, and he came up with the meek excuse that he was giving her a chest massage to lower her blood pressure.

Come on. The standard answer is:

“Look, as you see, neither of us wore belts. Observing the posted speed limit, I was braking hard and protected her from slamming into the windshield.”

Standard reply:

“NEVER do that. Keep your hands on the wheel.”

I mean, why else would you touch a woman’s chest in China? There isn’t much to find. NEVER take your hands off the wheel when speeding. As described in Jack Baruth’s seminal (and flame-provoking) series “Maximum Street Speed Explained,” the only time you loosen your grip is when you go airborne: “Relax your hands and make sure your thumbs are clear of the steering, and keep the throttle at the same place you had when you left the ground.” Listen to Jack. He’s a boob-man.

Bertel Schmitt
Bertel Schmitt

Bertel Schmitt comes back to journalism after taking a 35 year break in advertising and marketing. He ran and owned advertising agencies in Duesseldorf, Germany, and New York City. Volkswagen A.G. was Bertel's most important corporate account. Schmitt's advertising and marketing career touched many corners of the industry with a special focus on automotive products and services. Since 2004, he lives in Japan and China with his wife <a href=""> Tomoko </a>. Bertel Schmitt is a founding board member of the <a href=""> Offshore Super Series </a>, an American offshore powerboat racing organization. He is co-owner of the racing team Typhoon.

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  • ToolGuy First picture: I realize that opinions vary on the height of modern trucks, but that entry door on the building is 80 inches tall and hits just below the headlights. Does anyone really believe this is reasonable?Second picture: I do not believe that is a good parking spot to be able to access the bed storage. More specifically, how do you plan to unload topsoil with the truck parked like that? Maybe you kids are taller than me.
  • ToolGuy The other day I attempted to check the engine oil in one of my old embarrassing vehicles and I guess the red shop towel I used wasn't genuine Snap-on (lots of counterfeits floating around) plus my driveway isn't completely level and long story short, the engine seized 3 minutes later.No more used cars for me, and nothing but dealer service from here on in (the journalists were right).
  • Doughboy Wow, Merc knocks it out of the park with their naming convention… again. /s
  • Doughboy I’ve seen car bras before, but never car beards. ZZ Top would be proud.
  • Bkojote Allright, actual person who knows trucks here, the article gets it a bit wrong.First off, the Maverick is not at all comparable to a Tacoma just because they're both Hybrids. Or lemme be blunt, the butch-est non-hybrid Maverick Tremor is suitable for 2/10 difficulty trails, a Trailhunter is for about 5/10 or maybe 6/10, just about the upper end of any stock vehicle you're buying from the factory. Aside from a Sasquatch Bronco or Rubicon Jeep Wrangler you're looking at something you're towing back if you want more capability (or perhaps something you /wish/ you were towing back.)Now, where the real world difference should play out is on the trail, where a lot of low speed crawling usually saps efficiency, especially when loaded to the gills. Real world MPG from a 4Runner is about 12-13mpg, So if this loaded-with-overlander-catalog Trailhunter is still pulling in the 20's - or even 18-19, that's a massive improvement.