Rent, Lease, Sell or Keep: 1999 Buick Park Avenue

You have arrived. Through the sweat and brow of your efforts, you have achieved the rewards of upper middle class living. A nice job. A nice spouse. Two very quaint child like creatures, and of course… the car. A beautiful burgundy luxury car with opulent leather, elite walnut trim, a premium ‘Surround sound’ system with a quite advanced CD player, and a trademark waterfall grille on the front. In the late 1990’s your car stacks out at about $34,000 new. Fast forward 12 years, two recessions and 180k miles later, and you may be able to get a discount. How does $900 sound to you? With that in mind do you…

Rent: Buicks tend to be the ‘mature persons’ rental car. In the seven months this one had been on the road, every customer was either over 40 or had at least two older kids. A few were borderline senile.

One notable codger ran out of money and couldn’t renew the rental. He seemed to be in a constant fog, got lost twice on way to the rental lot. This car was loaded with his knick-knacks. So I dropped him off and helped unload his personal belongings.

What does an 80 year old fellow enjoy these days? Apparently tons of hardcore porn, erotic statues, and a small bar’s worth of liquor. He turned out to be a divorce lawyer… who was in turn getting a nasty divorce. Then there was this strange thing wedged between the driver’s armrest and door. It turned out to be a mini-gun of sorts. Damn! The exciting life of an old country lawyer!

A few weeks later he called to say he had money. He did. But that of course wasn’t the whole story. Those funds turned out to be from one of my other rental customers who was divorcing her husband. He weaseled a $1000 retainer from her. I declined the offer. One jerkoff was enough.

Lease: $500 down and $60 a week for 12 months would be the standard fare here. There are a lot of older folks out here on a fixed income, and they tend to be by far my best customers. If there is a problem with the vehicle, I get it fixed at my cost and put that amount on the back of the loan at no interest. I averaged fewer than 1 in 20 major repairs per vehicle last year and to be frank, these folks are very low stress to deal with.

Unfortunately you also have to deal with the ‘sons and daughters’. These are the ones who have been fleecing everyone in their path for years. In their early 30’s. Living in an apartment complex on the bad part of town. Often times combining a fast food job, drug dealing, and government handouts for their middle class lifestyle.

The good news is these overaged kids hate Buicks. The bad news is they will try cajoling you for months until they finally get the hint that your cars won’t be their next ‘hooptie’. Sometimes the older folks will offer to co-sign on these. Never do it. The old folks will be on the hook until they ask you to repo it and the car will always be tore up.

Sell: I can retail this car for somewhere between $2000 and $2500. No paint fade. A well kept interior, and plenty of gizmos on the inside usually overcome the higher miles. This would be a headache free way to go. Especially since all the rentals have already paid for the vehicle twice over.

Keep: Why?