Piston Slap: Do As I Say, Not As I Do Edition
Matt writes:
Sajeev,
I have a 2007 Mustang GT that I bought new. I love the car, but hate having a car payment ($372/mo for another 2 years). A local Lincoln dealer has a 1998 Mark VIII for six grand with 72k miles. My father had a then-new ’94 Mark VIII, but it got parked underneath a F-250 before I was old enough to drive it.
I’m also thinking about getting a Grand Marquis, since used low-miles Panthers are plentiful here in Florida. My commute is short and littered with deputies, so something low-key has it’s appeal. I imagine the Mark VIII would be more work, but while Panthers will be plentiful here for years to come, the Mark VIII is a rare breed.
Sajeev Answers:
How ironic: not only have I (exclusively) driven a Lincoln Mark VIII since 2003, last year my Dad sold his 2007 Mustang GT for a Panther. I know all the players in this game much too well. I know that owning a Mark VIII for a regular commuter is a bad idea, especially the (even more) complicated bits of the ’97-98 models. Since I have yet to find a suitable replacement worthy of a monthly payment and bought mine with 117,000 well-maintained miles on the clock, let’s go over what you’ll have to fork over while making an original, low-mile Mark VIII a trustworthy ride:
1. Front upper control arms and strut rod bushings – don’t know why they go bad, but they do!
2. Rear shock mounts – ditto.
3. New air springs – They (OEM Ford springs) last 10-12 years, and the aftermarket ones don’t even do that. The coil spring conversions found on the Internet are a hit-or-miss affair.
4. HID headlights, Neon center taillight (97-98) – You can convert to conventional bulbs ($700-ish) and nobody needs a center taillight. And while I am spending a shit ton to make adapters for modern HID bulbs into the Mark’s headlight, I don’t necessarily want you to join the insanity.
5. Any wear item normally associated with old cars: tires, brake jobs, transmission servicing, radiators, hoses, etc. Fun!
6. Labor is tough; this platform was designed with Euro levels of sophistication (look at the driveshaft, buried under everything) with underhood room designed for Ford’s tiny 3.8L pushrod V6, not the DOHC V8 for Lincoln’s exclusive use.
Conclusion? You are better off finding an MGM cruiser, saving money instead for a down payment on a house. Or, more to your liking, spend a bit more for a Mercury Marauder. Even though the Panther’s driving dynamics are terrible compared to a fully independent, air suspended Mark VIII, they won’t need thousands of dollars to make right. So just do as I say…not as I do.
Send your queries to mehta@ttac.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.
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I'm REALLY starting to think this site should be renamed "The Truth About Crappy Old Fords". Have any of you people actually driven GOOD cars??? Or is it just that you all live in the flyover states where the roads are straight for 100 miles at a stretch, and handling and ride are theoretical at best? Sheesh.
I'll second what was said in a previous comment: NEVER BUY AN OLD LUXURY CAR I could spend several paragraphs explaining why it's a bad idea - don't do it, you'll be sorry.