Piston Slap: Do As I Say, Not As I Do Edition

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta

Matt writes:

Sajeev,

I have a 2007 Mustang GT that I bought new. I love the car, but hate having a car payment ($372/mo for another 2 years). A local Lincoln dealer has a 1998 Mark VIII for six grand with 72k miles. My father had a then-new ’94 Mark VIII, but it got parked underneath a F-250 before I was old enough to drive it.

I’m also thinking about getting a Grand Marquis, since used low-miles Panthers are plentiful here in Florida. My commute is short and littered with deputies, so something low-key has it’s appeal. I imagine the Mark VIII would be more work, but while Panthers will be plentiful here for years to come, the Mark VIII is a rare breed.

Sajeev Answers:

How ironic: not only have I (exclusively) driven a Lincoln Mark VIII since 2003, last year my Dad sold his 2007 Mustang GT for a Panther. I know all the players in this game much too well. I know that owning a Mark VIII for a regular commuter is a bad idea, especially the (even more) complicated bits of the ’97-98 models. Since I have yet to find a suitable replacement worthy of a monthly payment and bought mine with 117,000 well-maintained miles on the clock, let’s go over what you’ll have to fork over while making an original, low-mile Mark VIII a trustworthy ride:

1. Front upper control arms and strut rod bushings – don’t know why they go bad, but they do!

2. Rear shock mounts – ditto.

3. New air springs – They (OEM Ford springs) last 10-12 years, and the aftermarket ones don’t even do that. The coil spring conversions found on the Internet are a hit-or-miss affair.

4. HID headlights, Neon center taillight (97-98) – You can convert to conventional bulbs ($700-ish) and nobody needs a center taillight. And while I am spending a shit ton to make adapters for modern HID bulbs into the Mark’s headlight, I don’t necessarily want you to join the insanity.

5. Any wear item normally associated with old cars: tires, brake jobs, transmission servicing, radiators, hoses, etc. Fun!

6. Labor is tough; this platform was designed with Euro levels of sophistication (look at the driveshaft, buried under everything) with underhood room designed for Ford’s tiny 3.8L pushrod V6, not the DOHC V8 for Lincoln’s exclusive use.

Conclusion? You are better off finding an MGM cruiser, saving money instead for a down payment on a house. Or, more to your liking, spend a bit more for a Mercury Marauder. Even though the Panther’s driving dynamics are terrible compared to a fully independent, air suspended Mark VIII, they won’t need thousands of dollars to make right. So just do as I say…not as I do.

Send your queries to mehta@ttac.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.

Sajeev Mehta
Sajeev Mehta

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  • Krhodes1 Krhodes1 on Oct 25, 2010

    I'm REALLY starting to think this site should be renamed "The Truth About Crappy Old Fords". Have any of you people actually driven GOOD cars??? Or is it just that you all live in the flyover states where the roads are straight for 100 miles at a stretch, and handling and ride are theoretical at best? Sheesh.

    • See 1 previous
    • Stuki Stuki on Oct 26, 2010

      Highly diverse enthusiast communities like this, is where the seeds of later mass market shifts are sown. If TTAC was around 30-50 years ago, it would probably be the place where the virtues of "European sports sedans" and "crappy" little Japanese cars were extolled. And The Truth is, American auto makers didn't just settle on large, softly sprung cars with big, slow turning engines out of spite; but rather because such cars were always well suited to the needs and driving habits of large segments of American drivers (and passengers). So, while the big 3 definitely let themselves go a bit wrt quality, and some segments of the population "require" more BMWesque handling, much of the fundamental goodness inherent in traditional, large American RWD cars were thrown out with the bathwater as part of the import craze of the past three or so decades. And sites like this is where the first attempts at rectifying this is likely to appear. Now, if the big3-2-... would only pay more attention this time, instead of betting whatever little they have left on their farm on chasing Bimmers and Priuses............... Spending just a tiny little bit on updating the Panther, instead of getting rid of it, would be a good start. As would be building a convertible on that (updated) platform. I mean, if there is one area (other than stretching) where BOF has advantages, it must be in ease of getting rid of the roof without too dire structural consequences.

  • Whuffo2 Whuffo2 on Oct 25, 2010

    I'll second what was said in a previous comment: NEVER BUY AN OLD LUXURY CAR I could spend several paragraphs explaining why it's a bad idea - don't do it, you'll be sorry.

    • Wheeljack Wheeljack on Oct 26, 2010

      I'll second this - the window to to purchase a used Mark VIII was way back when they were available as a "certified" used car from a L-M dealer with the opportunity to buy the (practically mandatory) bumper-to-bumper extended warranty. Years ago I tried to talk a fellow Merkur club member out of purchasing a used 1994 Lincoln Continental, which he described as his "dream car" (buddy, you need better dreams). Having worked for Ford, I knew all the expensive trouble areas of these cars and their propensity to fail just out of warranty. I knew these cars so well that I even correctly guessed the reason why it was in for a shop visit when the original owner decided to just trade up to a new V-8 Continental, thus making this "dream car" available. For the curious, it was a failed A/C hose, a common repair on these. Since there was no talking my club mate out of the car, I convinced him to buy a comprehensive extended warranty to protect him from the inevitable. Naturally, the inevitable occurred and it needed all four air struts replaced just out of regular warranty. That extended warranty paid for itself in just that one repair, and it would really come in handy once the head gaskets failed, a self-immolation trick these cars all performed by around 75,000 miles.

  • Theflyersfan OK, I'm going to stretch the words "positive change" to the breaking point here, but there might be some positive change going on with the beaver grille here. This picture was at Car and Driver. You'll notice that the grille now dives into a larger lower air intake instead of really standing out in a sea of plastic. In darker colors like this blue, it somewhat conceals the absolute obscene amount of real estate this unneeded monstrosity of a failed styling attempt takes up. The Euro front plate might be hiding some sins as well. You be the judge.
  • Theflyersfan I know given the body style they'll sell dozens, but for those of us who grew up wanting a nice Prelude Si with 4WS but our student budgets said no way, it'd be interesting to see if Honda can persuade GenX-ers to open their wallets for one. Civic Type-R powertrain in a coupe body style? Mild hybrid if they have to? The holy grail will still be if Honda gives the ultimate middle finger towards all things EV and hybrid, hides a few engineers in the basement away from spy cameras and leaks, comes up with a limited run of 9,000 rpm engines and gives us the last gasp of the S2000 once again. A send off to remind us of when once they screamed before everything sounds like a whirring appliance.
  • Jeff Nice concept car. One can only dream.
  • Funky D The problem is not exclusively the cost of the vehicle. The problem is that there are too few use cases for BEVs that couldn't be done by a plug-in hybrid, with the latter having the ability to do long-range trips without requiring lengthy recharging and being better able to function in really cold climates.In our particular case, a plug-in hybrid would run in all electric mode for the vast majority of the miles we would drive on a regular basis. It would also charge faster and the battery replacement should be less expensive than its BEV counterpart.So the answer for me is a polite, but firm NO.
  • 3SpeedAutomatic 2012 Ford Escape V6 FWD at 147k miles:Just went thru a heavy maintenance cycle: full brake job with rotors and drums, replace top & bottom radiator hoses, radiator flush, transmission flush, replace valve cover gaskets (still leaks oil, but not as bad as before), & fan belt. Also, #4 fuel injector locked up. About $4.5k spread over 19 months. Sole means of transportation, so don't mind spending the money for reliability. Was going to replace prior to the above maintenance cycle, but COVID screwed up the market ( $4k markup over sticker including $400 for nitrogen in the tires), so bit the bullet. Now serious about replacing, but waiting for used and/or new car prices to fall a bit more. Have my eye on a particular SUV. Last I checked, had a $2.5k discount with great interest rate (better than my CU) for financing. Will keep on driving Escape as long as A/C works. 🚗🚗🚗
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