Range Anxiety(R)? Introducing Anti Arrival Angst(TM)

Now that GM is thinking about trademarking “range anxiety,” the only choice left to Nissan is to do something about range anxiety. (Just in case GM is successful with their trademark application, we’ll call it Arrival Angst™ … remember, you’ve seen it here first, just in case we’ll have to call you as a witness.) According to The Nikkei [sub], Nissan “will offer buyers of its Leaf electric car a service to ease drivers’ dread of having the batteries run out while on the road.” (See, even The Nikkei is staying away from “range anxiety.” Alright, let’s trademark Distance Dread™ also.) So how will that service work?

First off, people will be able to check on their Leaf from a mobile phone or PC. Charge levels can be monitored remotely and the car can be commanded to recharge. That sounds like a pretty lame feature. The car has to be plugged-in for that anyway, so – why? Much better is the next feature: If the car does run out of juice while on the road, towing to the nearest dealership will be arranged. Arrival Angst™ no more, your friendly Nissan dealer will bail you out.

And finally, we know why Nissan is building a huge data center ( in an earthquake proof location), and what in the world did they mean when they were talking about transferring the “iPod model” to the car industry, and what were they thinking when they muttered something about marketing “ cars based on the value of the information they provide.”

The Anti Arrival Angst™ service won’t be free. It will cost 1,500 yen a month, or $17.50. It will also buy free checkups every six months, and pay for the cost of the first mandatory vehicle inspection. Even if you run out of juice in a desolate part of Japan (which is very hard to find), don’t worry, you’ll be fine: Up to 550,000 yen, or approximately $6,500 in expenses incurred in emergencies will be covered as well. Just imagine what a one month subscription of Valium would cost you, and you’ll appreciate the value of the Anti Arrival Angst™ service. (Nissan: Please contact TTAC for affordable license terms.) And of course you already know the acronym for Anti Arrival Angst™ . AAA is coming to Japan!