Piston Slap: A Moment of Silence for the Mighty-Mighty Marquis

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta

TTAC Commentator SexCpotatoes writes:

I lost a car this past weekend. No it wasn’t stolen…worse, it was totaled sitting outside my mechanic’s shop. Let this be a lesson to 18 year old kids everywhere: Don’t Text, or call & drive or you will lose control, spin around and wreck into a car with the passenger side of your early 90’s Dodge Caravan, losing your cell phone out the window. If you chose to leave the scene, the State Highway Patrol will track you down.

The only good thing is that he had valid insurance. My frame is bent because it pushed the bumper over, so I’m pretty sure the insurance company is going to write the car off. Which I had JUST (literally) had the shocks replaced with KYB G/2 Gas-A-Just shocks, two new front window motors put in, & the door lock actuators that had given up were on the list for being done early this week. So I guess I’ll never be getting throttle responsive LED strips put in the opera lights like I was thinking of doing if I ever got the money.

I’m writing Piston Slap to see if anyone has any tips for dealing with the kid’s insurance company. I maintained this car in top mechanical shape, even replaced the rear tail lamps with LED’s and installed a sequential turn signal kit. Sure it had about $500 or so worth of rust repair needed, but it was a great car. The insurance company is probably going to low-ball me. My mechanic said they should offer me about 3-4 G’s, but on a ’91 Grand Marquis with only 114,000 mi.? I’ve got other people at work telling me I’ll see $5-700 offered, max. There are only 3 cars within 300 miles of me for sale on AutoTrader. If I expand the search to 500 mi. & include ever car of this body style ’88-’91 the avg. price works out to $2900 regardless of mileage. EBay doesn’t have any ’91s for sale but their range of sold prices is $452-3988 (which makes the average $2225.) NADA & KBB wholesale numbers are not promising.

So I ask you, Sajeev and the Best & Brightest, any advice?

Sajeev Answers:

No, you MUST do the Opera Light mod on a Grand Marquis! Too bad this one is a goner, unless you spend money out of pocket to laser-straighten the frame, hit up junkyards for a new front clip, get it all painted and then (retroactively) ask the insurance company for money. That’s worked before, but it’s a super risky. While admittedly pathetic, this is my plan if my fully depreciated, not-classic vehicles get totaled.

But I digress. This situation sucks. If at all possible, have your car insured on a stated value policy: list all the modifications, get a third party appraisal, whatever it takes. Your car is worth $5000 or more when you factor time and effort, so do yourself a favor and get insurance that reflects this figure. I did this for my 1988 Mercury Cougar XR-7 after it reached “classic” status and received a T-56 transmission swap. This is very necessary.

Back to your Mercury: I suspect that NADA value in good condition ($2400-ish) is what you’ll get from your insurance company, which means you’ll have plenty of cash to buy a suitable Panther Chassis and start over again. And fall in love during the hunt, so to speak. Which isn’t so bad when you think about it.

Send your queries to mehta@ttac.com

Sajeev Mehta
Sajeev Mehta

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  • SexCpotatoes SexCpotatoes on Aug 03, 2010

    Thanks for all the suggestions, everybody. I accepted their offer, $2080 and change + $100 for turning down the rental car. This happened on the weekend before I went on vacation, and I really didn't want this crap hanging over me or having to tie up the family phone arguing with the Insurance Co. from down in WV (where I went to a family reunion & spent the rest of my vacation). I probably could've argued for more, but I wanted to get it taken care of before I left on my vacation, and also get it out of my mechanic's way as it was sitting in his lot all week. I never want to have a car payment, my dad sold new and used cars at a Lincoln/Mercury dealer for 32 years, so I always had access to some good deals (sadly, they closed down recently). I have two other cars (beaters) and I may get rid of the '94 Taurus wagon that the hatch stopped opening w/tail light out (can't get in to replace the bulb & has a few other issues), and buy a '94 Crown Vic off my brother that he's looking to get rid of. The rest of the money goes into savings or goes to pay down bills/put away for future repairs, etc. Thanks again for all your helpful advice everyone!

  • SexCpotatoes SexCpotatoes on Aug 03, 2010

    One last thing. Anyone who thinks it's ludicrous that a 20 year old car would be worth over $2000 even if not in "Car Show Trophy Winning Condition," you can't touch a used car for under $3000 at a dealership these days. And I live in NE Ohio, an area with one of the lowest costs of living in the entire U.S. I'm talking about 1-2 owner, low mileage, clean, well kept, dependable vehicle. Religious maintenance and no Jesus Fish on the car. Anything out there at a used car lot under $2500-3000 is likely a stuttering shite-pile held together just barely enough to get it off the lot. Private party sales, you face a different set of problems, but you can find decent well-kept cars for a reasonable price if you put in the work. But as John.Fritz pointed out, good condition 'boxes' of this vintage are growing pretty scarce.

  • MaintenanceCosts It's not a Benz or a Jag / it's a 5-0 with a rag /And I don't wanna brag / but I could never be stag
  • 3-On-The-Tree Son has a 2016 Mustang GT 5.0 and I have a 2009 C6 Corvette LS3 6spd. And on paper they are pretty close.
  • 3-On-The-Tree Same as the Land Cruiser, emissions. I have a 1985 FJ60 Land Cruiser and it’s a beast off-roading.
  • CanadaCraig I would like for this anniversary special to be a bare-bones Plain-Jane model offered in Dynasty Green and Vintage Burgundy.
  • ToolGuy Ford is good at drifting all right... 😉
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