New Or Used?: Best-Hatched Plans Edition

TTAC Commentator trailertrash writes:

I am hoping to save a little research time and thus allow me more actual “behind the wheel time” when looking for my next car. I have lots of wheels, from the Tiguan, MKS, 2010 Mazda6 and even a Trailblazer. My next purchase needs to be affordable, FAST, fun and carry everything (within reason). This is a wagon or hatch. The latest sportwagen by Caddy is awfully slow by my standards. The MKS has me even wanting more off the red light. The Audi3 is a little small. I WISH the G series was a hatch! Or the Mazda still had one.

Steve Answers:

You have likely spent right around the six figures on all your recent rides. You have a Trailblazer for hauling. An MKS for luxury. A Mazda 6 for perhaps a wife or high maintenance girlfriend (both?). And an overpriced Volkswagen whose name instantly reminds me of my daughter’s favorite Winnie the Pooh character. As the great philosopher Ron Simmons would say, “Damn!”

I would just soup up the Trailblazer. Chevy released a 395 hp SS version during it’s last couple of years and that thing is an absolute torque monster. I’m sure you can get a few healthy modifications for your own ride and perhaps get some good seats and adornments from the junkyard. The cost of doing this is mere pennies on the dollar. But you’re not going to listen to me. So go ahead and buy a Magnum or a Grand Cherokee with a Hemi. In fact forget that. Don’t buy anything.

Except perhaps a Saab SportCombi wagon. With a stick and a $10,000+ discount that particular model would be quite an interesting addition. True it may have close to a hundred fewer horsepower on paper than the top of the line Cadillac. But the key to enjoying any car is driving it..and Saab wagons have amazing power in the 30 to 70 mph stretch. We’re talking near-Porsche levels. The Cadillac may have slightly more oomph off the line. But with a drive out price that will likely $15,000+ more than the SportCombi, I would opt for the Saab.

Sajeev Answers:

Oh no he di’int just recommend a SportCombi to…anyone! To “Steve”, if that’s your real name: what have you done with the Steven Lang we all know and love? You’re supposed to tell people to buy a 2005 Buick LeSabre for $4000, from a grandma who lovingly preserved that Miami-Vice blue, rat’s fur velour while giving it stem-to-stern scratches from garage mishaps and on-road miscalculations.

So let’s make things simple: trailertrash has far too many NSFW-ing cars. And at least two are so wrong they might as well have square wheels. Dump the MKS, buy a Taurus SHO or another MKS with EcoBoost. Lose the Trailblazer, buy the “SS” version or a Grand Cherokee SRT-8. Sell them both on Craigslist and buy their hi-po replacements when a good candidate shows up on the Internet. Plus, finding a used EcoBoost, LS-X, or HEMI motor’d vehicle with modest bolt-ons (tune, exhaust, even power adders) is way easier than you think. And they make a huge difference. Not to mention that modified machines rarely sell for more than a stock version plus 20% of the original cost of those aftermarket upgrades.

These lateral upgrades will keep you content for a year or three. After that, sell all of ‘em and get a certified pre-owned Porsche Panamera turbo: lotsa power and versatility, with no compromises.

Need help with a car buying conundrum? Email your particulars to mehta@ttac.com, and let TTAC’s collective wisdom make the decision easier… or possibly much, much harder.