Trackday Diaries: Cost is No Object for My Race Team, Help Us Choose a New Name.
What did you do this morning? I spent $101.78 at the local Pick-N’-Pull, using a completely inadequate set of hand tools to remove the last twincam Neon head to be found in any Columbus, Ohio – area junkyard. I removed the power steering reservoir by beating it to pieces with a crankshaft damper from a Chrysler LHS. I imagine Adrian Newey is doing something similar right now on the Red Bull RB6.
The reason for this outrageous expenditure is simple: NASA (the race sanction, not the folks who no longer build rockets) has partially come to its senses. In previous years, the minimum weight for doublecam Neons was 2650 pounds, while the twincam Sentras and single-cam Neons were both 2450. Needless to say, our single-cam Neon has never successfully beaten a Sentra in a Performance Touring race unless it was raining (I’m the Jenson Button of club racing, including pre-trophy-ceremony makeouts) or the aforementioned Sentra has made a major mistake.
This year, two interesting things have happened. First, NASA dropped doublecams to 2550 and raised the Sentra to 2525. Now we have a fighting chance. Second, the fellow who owns the other half of my race team acquired his racing license last week. Finally, I have a teammate! So we need a new name, and I’m taking suggestions.
The race team is currently called Green Baron Motorsports. I named it this to spite some wanna-be half-German “Baron” who has conveniently forgotten that we don’t use titles in the America, yo. If he wants to drag his extremely questionable baroncy out of a rather dusty closet, I’m going to do the same thing. (For the record, the list of people who would have to die to make me “Baron Baruth” is slightly longer than the list of excuses Jalopnik handed out during the CTS-V Challenge.)
Now that we have two drivers, one of whom is half-Egyptian, I am thinking we should have a new name. I will take your suggestions. If it helps, here are some details about us:
- We drive a 1996 Plymouth Neon Sport, as seen here:
We are hoping to debut the newly-twin-cammed Neon at the August 14 NASA Mid-Ohio event. In order to do this, we need to buy a variety of accessories, have the head polished and 3-angle-valve-jobbed, find some decent cams, and, last but not least, build, install, configure, and tune a “Megasquirt” setup. If you live in Ohio, feel free to stop by our shop in Westerville to help out! With fewer than five shootings in 2010, the Route 3 and Route 161 intersection has never been a safer place to work on a car past midnight!
Some of you may be familiar with “Courage Wolf”, “Advice Dog”, and other instant memes. Green Baron Motorsports has our own instant meme, the Crashing Neon, as seen here:
http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i15/viergang/memes/
Sadly, they all refer to actual incidents.
More by Jack Baruth
Latest Car Reviews
Read moreLatest Product Reviews
Read moreRecent Comments
- Mardaver The WRX is becoming dated. It has a look that makes it unappealing to much of the population. Time to change it up and make it look like it comes from this decade.
- VoGhost We're not going back.
- Clive Most 400 series highways in Canada were designed for 70 MPH using 70 year old cars. The modern cars brake, handle, ride better, and have much better tyres. If people would leave a 2-3 second gap and move to the right when cruising leaving the passing lanes open there would be much better traffic flow. The 401 was designed for a certain amount of traffic units; somewhere in the 300,000 range (1 car = 1 unit 1 semi+trailer =4 units) and was over the limit a few minutes after the 1964 official opening. What most places really need is better transit systems and better city designs to reduce the need for vehicle travel.
- Kira Interesting article but you guys obviously are in desperate need of an editor and I’d be happy to do the job. Keep in mind that automotive companies continually patent new technologies they’ve researched yet have no intention of developing at the time. Part of it is to defend against competitors, some is a “just in case” measure, and some is to pad resumes of the engineers.
- Jalop1991 Eh?
Comments
Join the conversation
Gritty Smooth Racing
Oh wait, a sudden moment of inspiration. 'Hirsute Pursuit Racing'. Or, just for the f of it, 'Maiden's Hair Racing'. Some people will go 'huh?' and some will laugh because they know when they coined the name for that plant they weren't talking about the hair on a maiden's head!