Hammer Time: There's No Place Like Chrome

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Fat Chance! Beauty is sitting in a barclounger leather recliner and watching the world go past at 85 miles an hour. Of course in this 1985 Lincoln Town Car with 45k, the speedometer also happens to give out it’s all too shaky geriatric needle at 85 mph. So anything beyond that I consider ‘warp speed’ as I drive through North Georgia listening to some old time crooners from the Garden State. Speaking of that, did I mention this thing was bought new in two Jerseys? That would be Jersey City, New Jersey. As in Frank Sinatra’s hometown… the king of swing and the purveyor of all things cool. Well, that would actually be Hoboken. But close enough. Driving a Mafia and Spock sized coffin like this Lincoln is definitely a leap to my childhood in North Jersey. A friend of mine’s Dad actually became the head of the Gambino family for a short time. He’s thankfully only been in Federal prison twice so far. Then there was the house that burned down on a lot and remained a charred remnant for twenty years. A healthy reminder of who was in charge of our local government’s services.

Finally there was my Dad’s car. The much unloved 1986 Lincoln Continental. Like that behemoth, this one boasts the very best woodgrain stickers and $20 radio that Red Poling could levy on unsuspecting older people. I’m sure that Toyota and Infiniti kicked Ford straight in the dentures once their 1st Gen luxury cars came out. But hey. If you can get past having parts that were created in at least three different decades (possibly four?), and a chassis that predated Job and possibly old Henry himself, what you still end up with is a genuine all American luxury car. In fact I like it better than the Lexus. Let me put this in a way that you truly understand what I’m sayin’ (as I inspect the trunk for a leftover shotgun or two). Perfection is boring folks. Give me character and a body… I mean keg friendly trunk any day of the week.