Hammer Time: There's No Place Like Chrome

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Fat Chance! Beauty is sitting in a barclounger leather recliner and watching the world go past at 85 miles an hour. Of course in this 1985 Lincoln Town Car with 45k, the speedometer also happens to give out it’s all too shaky geriatric needle at 85 mph. So anything beyond that I consider ‘warp speed’ as I drive through North Georgia listening to some old time crooners from the Garden State. Speaking of that, did I mention this thing was bought new in two Jerseys? That would be Jersey City, New Jersey. As in Frank Sinatra’s hometown… the king of swing and the purveyor of all things cool. Well, that would actually be Hoboken. But close enough. Driving a Mafia and Spock sized coffin like this Lincoln is definitely a leap to my childhood in North Jersey. A friend of mine’s Dad actually became the head of the Gambino family for a short time. He’s thankfully only been in Federal prison twice so far. Then there was the house that burned down on a lot and remained a charred remnant for twenty years. A healthy reminder of who was in charge of our local government’s services.

Finally there was my Dad’s car. The much unloved 1986 Lincoln Continental. Like that behemoth, this one boasts the very best woodgrain stickers and $20 radio that Red Poling could levy on unsuspecting older people. I’m sure that Toyota and Infiniti kicked Ford straight in the dentures once their 1st Gen luxury cars came out. But hey. If you can get past having parts that were created in at least three different decades (possibly four?), and a chassis that predated Job and possibly old Henry himself, what you still end up with is a genuine all American luxury car. In fact I like it better than the Lexus. Let me put this in a way that you truly understand what I’m sayin’ (as I inspect the trunk for a leftover shotgun or two). Perfection is boring folks. Give me character and a body… I mean keg friendly trunk any day of the week.

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • DearS DearS on Dec 02, 2009

    As much as I respect the points being made, this car does not work for me. I fell I'm being tortured when in a floaty cars, yet again, still.

  • Andy D Andy D on Dec 12, 2009

    With the bulk of cars being some sorta of road color, a little bit brightness, allows you pick them up easier in the mirrors. Sorta like day time running lights.

  • VoGhost Key phrase: "The EV market has grown." Yup, EV sales are up yet again, contrary to what nearly every article on the topic has been claiming. It's almost as if the press gets 30% of ad revenues from oil companies and legacy ICE OEMs.
  • Leonard Ostrander Daniel J, you are making the assertion. It's up to you to produce the evidence.
  • VoGhost I remember all those years when the brilliant TTAC commenters told me over and over how easy it was for legacy automakers to switch to making EVs, and that Tesla was due to be crushed by them in just a few months.
  • D "smaller vehicles" - sorry, that's way too much common sense! Americans won't go along because clever marketing convinced us our egos need big@ss trucks, which give auto manufacturers the profit margin they want, and everybody feels vulnerable now unless they too have a huge vehicle. Lower speed limits could help, but no politician wants to push that losing policy. We'll just go on building more lanes and driving faster and faster behind our vehicle's tinted privacy glass. Visions of Slim Pickens riding a big black jacked up truck out of a B-52.
  • NotMyCircusNotMyMonkeys dudes off the rails on drugs and full of hate and retribution. so is musky.
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