The Real Deal: Ford Expedition EL Vs Chevrolet Suburban Like MaryAnne Vs Ginger

Ford Expedition EL or Chevy Suburban? Ford’s late-starting expedition into the oversized SUV genre got lost on the way to the jungle. But when they finally arrived, Ford had their bearings straight. The Mack Daddy Expedition EL is way more ride for your money than the Suburban, no doubt. But the Suburban is the STAPLE of all STAPLES. And it’s the cooler whip. Thank President George. Bush’s patronage forever put the Suburban in the automotive walk of fame. W did for the Suburban what Obama did for the 300C, what Snoop did for the Deville, what little Puff Daddy did for the Range Rover, what Gilligan did for the Island, what Pam Anderson did for loose women worldwide . . . you get the point. Game over?

SUV sales may be way, way down, but school parking lots throughout this great country of ours continue to be stuffed with middle class moms driving Chevy Suburbans. The Expedition EL may have it all over the Chevy Suburban (it doesn’t), but it’s like Ford and Chevy said to each other “let’s step outside”—only to find themselves alone. Without an audience. And too weak too fight.

Once again, Ford brings the product, but fails to bring the noise. The Glass House Gang has more or less abandoned all their SUV advertising in favor of hard-to-find PC hybrids, crossovers, small cars, God knows what and (thank God) the F150. They might as well build the current Expedition (and most excellent Explorer) out of stealth material.

Meanwhile, Ford’s missing a golden opportunity. The Suburban is finally losing its stranglehold on middle America’s upper middle class; a position the Chevy SUV’s held since the modified trucks replaced the Buick Estate Wagon as the kiddie schlepper of choice. (The Jeep Grand Wagoneer was a serious early 80’s contender, but mechanical issues kept it from the crown.)

The heartland’s Yuppies (yes, there is such a thing) are not happy that GM’s gone bust. Folks, these people disown family members that go bankrupt. And times are tough. Down at the county club, ladies who lunch now have something called “a budget.” Lexus and Mercedes SUVs are [still] on their radar, but even further out of their price range. And hubby [almost] learned his lesson about buying a high-status lifestyle on what the Brits have the good sense to call the “never never.”

See the issue at hand? The Suburban fit a niche perfectly. Chevy’s XXL SUV refugess could go into crossovers or cars or cute utes. But NOW is the time for Expedition EL to go once more into the breach dear Horatio, and close up the wall with English dead (Range Rover LR3s?). With a little help (hello Ford marketing?) and gas prices remaining stable a bit longer (hello recession?), ex-Suburbanites could be eased into an Expedition EL.

Check the numbers. Yes, SUV sales are cellar dwellers. But last October, during the beginning of the post cash-for-clunkers hangover, sales of the Ford Expedition were down “only” 1275 units vs. the previous year’s October totals. Meanwhile, sales of the Suburban were up 999 units. Oh shit. Ginger, you ignorant slut.