Non-eBay Find of the Day: Jaguar XJ220

Our friends over at jameslist.com sent us a heads-up re: today’s collector car auction at Coy’s of Kensington, in Ascot (famous enabler of post-modern millinery). “Bargains isn’t [sic] Coys’ game, but if you are a collector in search of fine automobiles, or happen to be on the hunt for a Jaguar XJ200 with less than 200 miles on the odometer, then Coys is for you.” Now that’s what I call a niche market. Forget the how-low-can-you-go odo. Aside from styling, Jag’s early-90s foray into the supercar market was an abject failure, rendering the vehicle “collectible” only in the Edsel sense of the word. The headline issue: a late-in-the-game change from the original engine spec (a 500hp 6.2-liter V12) to a 3.2-liter six V6. V6? Forced induction? The new engine had about as much to do with Jaguar heritage as a Wolo Bad Boy Compact Airhorn. And sounded worse (if slightly quieter). Not . . . to mention . . . TURBO LAG! Hard to believe, but that wasn’t the worst of it . . .

The American-owned British automaker also highlighted and deleted the prototype XJ220’s four wheel-drive system. And the scissor doors. And then hoiked the price, from £361,000 to £403,000—at the precise moment the global recession burst the supercar bubble like a kid with an overinflated lunch bag, sending speculators (who’d ponied-up £50k) scurrying to their lawyers for an escape clause. Get this: a high court judge eventually released all prospective XJ220 owners (including a cash-strapped Elton John) from their contractual obligation.

But here’s the supercar’s greatest deficiency (other than a complete lack of visibility in any direction save straight ahead and skywards): brakes.

If a car’s only as good as its brakes, the XJ220 could well be one of the worst cars ever made. I drove an XJ220 with the original stoppers on the road. The anchors brought to mind my first Harley-Davidson (i.e. “I’d really like to stop now. Now, please. C’mon, I’m serious. No really, this is important.”) Jack Baruth might fancy the challenge, but I’d sooner surf the Bonzai Pipeline in a hurricane that fling this rig around a race track.

Never mind.

“The Jag is estimated to fetch around £100,000 and it’s practically brand new. The 151 miles it has done has been under Jaguar’s supervision at their test track and upon the reception, the owner immediately stored it and has never driven it. I would call that a shame and a waste since some cars just needs to be driven. Luckily someone else will now get that pleasure even though he’s not likely to be heading for any track day thrashing any time soon.”

Like I said, not if he or she wants to live.