Hammer Time: Barnacle Bitch

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

I hate my *^%%! Mercedes. A year-and-a-half ago , I bought a 2002 S500 for $12,600 at a public auction. $300 of a/c work and a detail later, it looked like a million dollars. But it drove like a big fat Camry with a big fat engine. My mechanic swooned at all the gizmoids. I groaned and drove everything but that car. Everyone likes it. No one can afford it. I’m getting tired of looking at it. So . . .

Time to put it in a car salon and dump the bitch. I’ll be changing the wheels to AMGs. A few dings and dents will be botoxed. The little cracked piece of crap called the lower driver’s seat cover will be replaced… again. Even then I think that it won’t move until tax time when folks get their refund checks. My question for the proverbial choir is this. Have you ever had a vehicle that you just couldn’t wait to unload? An Iacocca Lemon. A Fukkengruesome ride. A Korean claptrap with toaster like charisma. Discuss…

Steven Lang
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  • Cole Trickle Cole Trickle on Oct 30, 2009

    2002 A4 (See September 1 Piston Slap). Bought 2007. Got out from under my 2003 Hemi Ram just before the market really crapped out on trucks and gas got really expensive. Was living in a crappy rented house, and making good money, and I wanted an efficient car, under warranty, that would impress people since I was barely spending money on anything else. That's just what I got. Bought CPO, and went to the dealership 10 times in 2 years. I started waiting until at least 2 things were wrong before I took it in to save the $50 they charge you. Mercifully didn't have any major failures out of warranty. I sold it 1/2 way through September, just after I got the motor mounts sorted out. That car was beautiful and got great mileage, but man, went to the shop waaaayyy too much. Plus, they wouldn't give me a loaner. I loved that car and hated it all at the same time. I should have held out for an IS300 but I couldn't find one and wanted out of that truck.

  • Accs Accs on Nov 01, 2009

    Lumbergh21 : I believe your Saturn suffered from suspension issues.. I believe it was either the left or right rear suspension mounts. Recall had them either falling off.. or breaking through the mount itself. Steven Lang: I would like to know, as intelligent as you are about buying cars wholesale, and as much as you know about what drops the fastest, why didn't you figure out that Benzes drop a load faster than tired / worn out pornstars?

  • Steven Lang Steven Lang on Nov 02, 2009

    The Benz sold for $4000 below rough wholesale... without even accounting for the $2000 wheels. Even at $14,900 (which is a $1500 profit 18 months later) I'm still getting calls on it. Hey, we all can dream a happy ending.

  • RetroGrouch RetroGrouch on Sep 23, 2011