Hammer Time (Eagles Edition): My Maserati Does Thirty-Four Five

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

A 2005 Maserati Quattroporte to be exact. 35,000 showing on the odometer and no warranty whatsoever. The auctioneer drew down the bid in freefall fashion from $40K to $32K in the hopes that somebody—anybody—would bid on the garage queen. Finally, a dealer went for broke at $30K. Another joined in. The two duked it out to the exact tune of ‘hundred, hundred, half’ until the 67th bid came in. Of course by this time everyone was sick of looking at the exterior which can only be described as ‘Aqua Velva’ blue. The hammer fell and the four door Ferrari went to one of the nicest drug dealers in Atlanta (just kidding, Frank!). Seriously. It was a good buy—except for the fact that Maserati apparently won’t give extended warranties anymore. Now all Frank has to do is find a spare junk car at a salvage sale, a freelance Maserati mechanic (I’m sure we can all find one on Craigslist these days), and a Virgin Mary for the dashboard. Hmmmm . . . he had better make that a plastic Jesus.

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • Anonymous Anonymous on Sep 14, 2009

    The XJ8 was pre-2004 probably. But any rumored improvements on their execrable reliability after 04 seem to have had the REVERSE effect on their sales, which have been going from bad to worse. Both Jag and L-R are bleeding billions, and along with Saab, they can't make any $ anytime soon. Good riddance, and woe to the fools that bought these companies (add Volvo, most likely...)

  • Andy D Andy D on Sep 14, 2009

    Yah , but just like my ol' XJ6, they are way purtier than a Ferrari or a Lambowhatzis. I'll stick with my ugly ol' BMDubyas though. One car seduction, twice shy.

  • Ellomdian Ellomdian on Sep 14, 2009

    Having driven one, twice (yes, someone elses) I can say without question I would rather spend a year locked in this car than a week locked in a new 7 (and I own/love/worship BMW's, even the new ones.) They are just, nice places to be.

  • Yankinwaoz Yankinwaoz on Sep 15, 2009

    Gotta love all those versions of "Plastic Jesus". If you have time to listen to only one, I recommend that you start with Billy Idol's version (Don't watch this video if you easily offended by Jesus and Mary out of normal context).