Piston Slap: Duck and [Car] Cover

TTAC spammer “ajara ali” writes:

My name is Mr Alfonso Perez the CEO of Shandon International Company LTD. And am located in France, am sorry if i have contacted the wrong Company for this order. I will like to make some orders from your Company to my Company and the product is Car Cover.

Please get back to me with the price per unit so that i will know the quantities to order. And also if you dont have this type, you can email me with the one that you have together with the price so that i can make some orders. Thank you very much and hope to hear from you soon. And also you can advice me on the type of payment you accept.

Best Regards

Sajeev replies:

Unfortunately, I cannot fulfill your request so you “can make some orders.” My apologies, but I will be coy after being burned by a previous Piston Slap spammer. But I am glad you did not seek refuge in my heart like the last one. I know you just want my wallet.

I am sure you’ll ask for my bank account number so you can wire me the funds. You know, after you disregard what I chose to “advice you on the type of payment” I prefer. I am certain whatever I say is not how you roll.

Anyway, as always, Google is your friend. The world’s most popular search engine—Goggle “google”— reports “about 143,000,000” results for “car cover.” God knows how many more hits of what sort I’d discover if I turned-off the safe search function. Billy’s bangin’ Bing summons “only” 94,500,000 results, and there’s more than a bit of overlap. But it’s safe to conclude that you’re spoilt for choice in the car cover category.

Our imperious leader favors car capsules. “I discovered the bubble during a bad bout of OCD. It was a life saver. I almost bought one for the kids, but the meds kicked in.”

It’s also worth noting that HOW you pay for your cover matters. If you use Amex, if a merchant won’t take back a purchase within 90 days from the date of purchase, American Express will refund the full purchase price, up to $300 per item, excluding shipping and handling and up to a maximum of $1,000 annually per Card account.

Of course, never give out your bank account or credit card details to anyone who doesn’t capitalize their personal pronouns, use proper punctuation, know the difference between “advice” and “advise” or somehow mistakes you for a supplier of something you don’t supply. If you get one of these spams, remember: pistonhead pride goeth before a fall in your bank balance.

[Send you technical queries to mehta@ttac.com]