Hammer Time: Two For One Special (While Supplies Last)

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

I’ve been very lucky as of late. Last week I found a 1976 Cadillac Eldorado with only 33,000 original miles sulking in a friend’s garage. New battery. An oil change and the beauty flew like a wing of God. I still have goosebumps over that ride and for $4,000. Definitely worth the thought. Then I found a more contemporary 1988 Lincoln Town Car on the side of the road. Perhaps this would be the first opportunity to plan for the government’s impending debt-icide for this country? What do you say John Q government subsidizer? As a dealer, should I now plan to start accumulating these insatiable steel coffins of eternal debtnation?

I think not. That’s the funny thing about these “special” programs. They are connivingly stupid, corrupt, parasitic and bring out the absolute lowest forms of “free ridership.” Over 99 percent of the American public will never participate in the cash for clunkers program in any way, shape or form. Well that’s not completely true. They’ll have their dimes put into the kitty of subsidization along with the dollars of foreign governments that will be rewarded with interest payments for generations to come. There may be a mention of “a million Americans” benefiting from this . . . but what about the other 299 million? Where’s their Yaris? Well, folks, how would you like a two for one special? Courtesy of Jim Q Bureaucrat’s arsenal of financial vaporware.

For every dollar spent, the government must cut two dollars away from its spending. Where to start? Perish the thought but how about the National Highway Traffic Safety Association? I don’t really need to be reminded to have a seat belt. Besides, Europe and Japan have these wonderful diesels and microcars that I would love to get my hands on.

So with that I would allow all cars to come into this country and let the US Customs Service focus on something really important. Like pistachios.

Finally, if we just eliminated the Department of Education, private financing of election campaigns, outsourced all of our violent felons to the North Koreans, and repealed the estate tax then, perhaps, maybe, we would have enough to fund this stupid program for everyone. Just stipulate that their has to be a seven mpg improvement in fuel economy and give those who already drive a car with 30+ mpg highway a small tax credit for keeping their car.

And that’s why I like old Cadillacs.

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • Power6 Power6 on Jun 18, 2009
    As one who lived through a love affair with big iron in the 70s, I have to declare GS650G as the winner. The 70s Cadillacs were horrid. Loose, juddering bodies and cheap interior materials that rattled and squeaked. Were there any good cars 1973-1976? Yay some Chrysler POS was the best turd. Everything was oversized and choked up. The downsized Caddies were great in 1977. The 425 was a nice motor. The motor in that Eldo is a full 500 cubes with a whopping 190hp hahaha.
  • Newcarscostalot Newcarscostalot on Jun 20, 2009

    GS650G: Funny! And True! I own a 1971 Lincoln Continental Mk 3. It has alot of rust so I don't drive it, but I sure love it. Everything on that car is oversized. Some of the neat, ahead of their time features on my car include automatic climate control, auto-off hi-beam headlights via a sensor on the driver side fender, and rear (vacum operated? Anyone know how they work?) rear wheel anti-lock brakes Lincoln called 'Sure-Track.' It also has an 8-track! And a rear window de-froster and defogger! A great car. If I only had the money to fix it up. But I can dream!

  • CKNSLS Sierra SLT Let me get this straight-It's OK for GM to make cars in China and ship them here-under a Buick name. But for the Chinese to directly do it is not OK.If the Big 3 had not a deserted sedans/low end of the market they wouldn't have anything to worry about.Yea...makes perfect sense.
  • Analoggrotto This must look great in your Tellurides
  • Dukeisduke Meanwhile in the EU, they're inviting Chinese manufacturers to build assembly plants there, especially in Italy. FIAT cut back production in Italy from one million vehicles a year, to 750,000, so the Italian government wants the Chinese plants for the jobs they'll create. They've contacted BYD about building a plant, but so far, BYD has only committed to building a plant in Hungary. A second plant in the EU will depend on demand for vehicles.
  • Dukeisduke Huh, that photo looks like a coupe.I wonder how many of the of the original Tesla Roadsters are still on the road? I haven't seen one in years.
  • Dukeisduke L. S. Swap. Do it.