By on April 7, 2009

Kowalski! Report! It’s a prototype vehicle integrating a lithium-ion battery, digital smart energy management, two-wheel balancing, dual electric wheel motors and a dockable user interface that allows off-board connectivity. Translation? It’s a wheelchair for bipeds built for permanent wheelies. Rico! We’re going to need a press pass to the New York Auto Show. Thanks Rico, I didn’t know you had it in you. Private, I want you attach a small explosive charge to the bottom of that thing. We’ll give those guys a hot seat they’ll never forget. Skipper? Not now Kowalski; we’re about to capitalize on an automaker’s ADD all the way to the south pole. But Skipper, the Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility vehicle—–Don’t withhold acronyms from me Kowalski. You know how much I love acronyms. Sorry Skip. The P.U.M.A. is a battery powered prototype. It’s effective operating range may only be a few hundred yards. And it’s made by GM. Good point, Private. OK boys, plan B. What’s that Skipper? We wait for GM to go C11. Then we pick-up a Tahoe Hybrid and use it to power this thing. When will that be Skipper? Soon. End of days, Skip? End of days, boys, end of days.

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30 Comments on “GM Reveals Latest Product: Two Seat Segueway...”

  • avatar

    Haha hilarious

  • avatar

    Ahhh..the penguins from Madagascar! Best characters of the films! As for this…thing…is this really the best GM can do? An ueber-wheelchair? Really? And to think…I actually kind of liked the Solstice, but it comes from the same minds that are dreaming up a hotrod wheelchair??? Sheesh…

  • avatar
    Rod Panhard

    Even better, from “Red Vs. Blue”

    Lopez, bring up the vehicle

    “I like to call it the wart hog.”
    “I think it looks more like a puma.”
    “Would you stop making up animals!”

    Why would I buy a “p.u.m.a.” when I could buy a “vespa” that’s pretty, costs less, and trust me, I can pick up chicks with a Vespa.

    You can’t pick up chicks with a P.U.M.A.

  • avatar

    The future of GM under Government control.

  • avatar

    Are those Pontiac G6 wheels? And why does it look like it’s got disc brakes?

    Also, I think the word you were looking for is simply “Segway”, the goofy looking two wheeler for mall cops the world over.

  • avatar

    Fantastic piece of engineering marvel that will return GM to profitability and the glory days of the 60’s.

    I’m so glad GM decided to reinvent itself … again.

    Next on the agenda, a weed whacker propelled skate board.


  • avatar

    They couldn’t invent the Segway, but they could certainly make it bigger.

  • avatar
    Matthew Danda

    Didn’t they say that television was a joke because it will never replace radio and paper newspapers?

  • avatar
    jerry weber

    I like the proposed price, one quarter of a car. Hell, the presnent segeway costs that, they will never make that thing at a price it will sell. Secondly, anywhere in the US where it is hilly, and get’s cold (about half), it won’t sell. Did they say it came with all weather tires or do you just put on chains in Pa.? Then comes licensing, it is not fast enough or safe enough to be on the street, but too big and fast for the sidewalk. Now do we build roadways just for them? A toy by any other name is a toy.

  • avatar

    How can a company on the verge of bankruptcy even consider starting up a partnership like this? Completely clueless on both sides! Apparently this unit is without any form of suspension, or else one with a very limited travel, so it can only be driven on absolutely smooth flat surfaces – like you’d find in a mall. Take this on any road around here and your teeth would be shaken out of your head. I doubt it will do well in rain, wind, or an inch of snow. And all this can be yours for only “1/4 the price of a real car”, according to other websites. Gee, that’s swell.

    Edit: Dang! Ninja’d by Jerry…

  • avatar

    It’s fine for a limited market. But it won’t work for putting the kids in the car for a trip over to grandma’s house. It won’t save GM.

  • avatar

    I’m waiting to buy a Segway SRT8.

  • avatar

    Would it count in the CAFE numbers?

  • avatar

    Now, I’m a cyclist and spent ten years riding through both downtown Toronto and Montreal, and this thing scares the shit out of me.

  • avatar

    A hardtop Hoveround.

  • avatar

    “Would it count in the CAFE numbers?”

    No. It doesn’t directly use any gasoline. I don’t know how you calculate “miles per gallon” when there aren’t any “gallons” involved. Unless you get into some crazy argument about the equivalency of electricity to gasoline.

  • avatar

    I’m going to wait for the Z28 version…with the fender flares and wider tires.

  • avatar
    John Horner

    “The future of GM under Government control.”

    GM and Seqway did this silly monster all by themselves.

  • avatar

    As I posted under “safety dance”-
    I remember the media build up for “Ginger” a few years back.

    When the Segway was finally revieled I first thought was “Dean Kaman just answered a question no one is asking…expensively.”

    The market has tended to support my gut reaction.

    Finally he found a suck- er, “investor” dumb enough to expand it into a yet sillier direction.

    Shocker…the dim-bulbs are at GM!

    There are far easier, cheaper ways to cover this mobility problem. This is cool technology but Kaman needs to look in a different area for an application, IMO.

    Why would they even admit they did this????

    And I love the penguins…Hey Uncle Barry, put Skipper in charge of GM!

    Kowalski can cover new technology.

    Rico can clear out the dead wood-UAW, BoD, 3/4 of their plants, top two teirs of execs…

    Private? Natural for PR…”cute and cuddly”.

    There is no amount of derision or sarcasm adequate for this.


  • avatar

    Wow. Someone actually designed a vehicle that’s more retarded than a Segway.

  • avatar

    Phil Lebeau just did a segment on CNBC in this thing under a constant stream of insults from the studio. ‘How would that survive in a crash – with a pedestrian?’ ‘Why don’t you put a helmet on, honey?’ “Does it come with vanity plates saying I’m a total dork?’ They compared it to wheel chairs and baby buggies. ‘Is it safe to drive it on the sidewalk?’

  • avatar

    This is wrong on so many levels.
    1. Too big for the sidewalk/bike lane, too small for the street.
    2. Hit the brakes too hard and you roll over forwards. From the shape of the thing, you’ll probably keep rolling like a New Zealand ‘Zorb’ ball thrill ride, until you hit whatever it was that you were trying to avoid. When you do, you’ll wish you actually were in a Zorb.
    3. Even if they solve #1 and #2, I still won’t be caught dead in anything that looks like my daughter’s Cozy Coupe.

  • avatar

    jerry weber :
    April 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am

    I like the proposed price, one quarter of a car.

    Why should I choose this thing over a Tata Nano?

  • avatar

    Just realized something-this is a fouled up over priced, hi-tech version of Stan Mott’s legendary “Cyclops“!

    Nice sweeping generalization Victell.

    I love new tech-however this is a disaster.


  • avatar

    How is this already deemed a disaster and failure? Its not even released yet. If you dont like it, dont buy it. Personal disaster avoided.

    For the rest, the market should determine success or disaster. Though if segway sales are anything to go on…

    And my sweeping generalization received its own flaming leg sweep.

  • avatar
    jerry weber

    While all of this crap is going on in New York, I saw Phil Lebeau sandwiched in one or should I say partly in and partly out of one on a pavement in front of Javits I guess,really come on now. There are many ATV builders who make a more substantial thing then that. I know it’s not the real thing, the revised one will be more like well a car. Meanwhile Toyota and HOnda are suiting up for battle over who will sell the most next generation hybrids for a real public on real roads. There is no one else out there, certainly not GM and Segeway.

  • avatar

    Victell :
    April 7th, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    How is this already deemed a disaster and failure? Its not even released yet. If you dont like it, dont buy it. Personal disaster avoided.

    For the rest, the market should determine success or disaster. Though if segway sales are anything to go on…


    We can avoid the disaster of being a buyer. But we cannot avoid the disaster of being who pay for this disaster.

  • avatar

    A Segway! With a seat! WOW……so this is what they get when they put all that engineering brain power to bear on the world’s transportation challenges.

    No thanks, I’ll take my chances in a Cherry or a bike over this suicide machine, or maybe I can get both and still pay less and die older.

    GM has lost their effing mind.

  • avatar

    Smells like another cheesy GM gambit aimed at pretending that GM is a Company Of The Green Future.

  • avatar

    dilbert :
    April 7th, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    A Segway! With a seat! WOW……so this is what they get when they put all that engineering brain power to bear on the world’s transportation challenges.

    Yup. They finally fixed the problems with the Segway. Namely the lack of wheels.

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