Bailout Watch 386: DetN Cheerleader-in-Chief Manny Lopez Lobbies for Car Czar Job

A word to the wise (or The Detroit News): if you’re a cheerleader, stay away from irony. Irony is the discrepancy between expectation and reality. It’s a rapier specifically forged for cynical nasty bastards like . . . us. If you’re pro anything, it’s a blunderbuss for blundering buffoons. For example, The DetN’s automotive editor has penned a tongue-in-cheek essay on why he should be car czar. The result is earnest and scary, rather than droll and pointed. Our take: a federal car czar is a crazy cherry nesting in a gloppy pile of whipped insanity sitting atop a huge slice of death by delusion cake. Manny’s take:t’s time to help steer the ship in the right direction. That’s why I am submitting my resume for “car czar” and offering the names of key advisers I’d appoint. To be sure, this list won’t make everyone happy and certainly not the activists who want to dictate what Detroit builds, but included is an essential mix of auto knowledge, independent economic thought and business smarts that when allowed to operate outside of politics will keep the nationalization of the auto industry from following the lead of Hugo Chavez’s Venezuela.From this position of unintentional self-mockery (remind me again who’s responsible for the nationalization of the U.S. auto industry), Manny jumps off into the deep end.As car czar, I wouldn’t lobby for more federal aid or push vehicles that consumers have proven they’re not interested in. I’d use this team to bring some sense and sanity back into the debate by insisting they look at the cause and effect of actions.So, as Car Czar, Sr. Lopez would stop federal aid to the automakers and suspend new vehicle emissions laws. Yo, Manny! We’ll call you. Just for shits and giggles, what team does Manny speak of (to share his love of ending a sentence with a preposition)?Start with Roger Penske. He’s got dealer knowledge, civic presence and business know-how. Then sign up Mitt Romney, the financial expert and most recently, auto industry antagonist.Continue by bringing on Bob Lutz. Sure he’s leaving GM because he’s fed up with the government intervention but he’s got a proven record for delivering products that consumers actually buy.On the numbers front, turn to David Littmann, the former Comerica Bank chief economist and occasional thorn in the auto industry’s side. Patrick Anderson should join him in educating legislators that free market principles and less government is a smart way to operate. UC Berkeley labor professor Harley Shaiken would provide a good voice for the UAW, but there should also be a rank-and-file union member on board—someone who’s worked the line.Carlos Gutierrez, the former commerce secretary and head of Kellogg, would provide some business insight and Paul Portney, an Alma College grad and former president of Resources for the Future, an environmental group in Washington, would add a measured environmental voice.Bob Lutz? Cars that consumers actually buy? See? Now that’s funny! And what’s with the group hug? I thought the whole idea was a single Automotive Ass Kicker? In Manny’s world eight is not enough.Clearly, there are others and they should be engaged too if they’re interested in keeping these companies independent and not wards of the state.Oh! Pick me! Pick me!