Bailout Watch 256: Gary Witzenburg is Insane

bailout watch 256 gary witzenburg is insane

Back when we TTAC didn’t have Ronnie Schreiber doggedly defending the D2.8, I contacted former GM PR spinmeister Gary Witzenburg to post an ed on the pro-Motown perspective. Big mistake. Despite– or because of– his exposure to our Best and Brightest, Gary went off the rails faster than the Polar Express. Other than an ex-girlfriend, he remains the only person I’ve ever blocked from my email. Let’s just say the man has “anger issues.” Actually, let’s not. Let’s revel in his vituperation and wonder if Autobloggreen is regretting letting him into their compound. “Here is what I’ll bet those long-suffering auto CEOs wanted to say, but couldn’t: You ignorant morons! How dare you accuse us of building cars nobody wants? We sold 8.5 million vehicles in the US last year and millions more around the world. GM still handily outsells Toyota here, Ford outsells Honda and Nissan, and Chrysler sells more than Nissan and Hyundai combined. How many of our new cars have you driven lately?” Personally, I think Gazza should have gone for the post-modern, hat tip to SNL approach, and begun with “Jane you ignorant slut.” More highlights from Gary’s take on “How to Win Friends and Influence People” after the jump.

“Would you recognize a good business plan if one smacked you upside the head? Have any of you ever run a business, made a business decision or even held a real job? Is there any more dysfunctional organization on the planet, any that more desperately needs a new business plan, than the US Congress?

“For decades, your national energy policy has been summed up by two words: ‘cheap gas.’ Now you want to punish us for building the big, capable, comfortable vehicles Americans wanted to take advantage of that policy…and for not building millions more smaller, more fuel-efficient cars that, until recently, almost no one wanted, and that we can’t make a buck on if we build them here thanks to the high business costs you’ve imposed upon us through the years.

“…you have rolled out the red carpet to predatory, low-cost foreign competitors who come here to take our market and pump hundreds of millions more dollars out of this country.

“Yes, we have lost a lot of market share. Where did you think all those millions of cars and trucks our foreign competitors import and assemble here in taxpayer-subsidized plants in cheap-labor states would be sold, and out of whose hides did you think they would come?

“Why continue to punish us, and the millions of incredibly dedicated, hard-working people at all levels who still depend on us to feed their families, for the sins of our predecessors?”

And now, the coup de grace.

“You know full well that this life-threatening position you have put us into is entirely your fault, not ours, and that our future viability depends completely on you. We’re anxiously awaiting your business plan for guiding this country out of the economic morass you have created, beginning with the bridge loans we desperately need.”

Join the conversation
2 of 37 comments
  • Rx8totheendoftime Rx8totheendoftime on Dec 02, 2008

    American society became less conducive to producing cars competitively, over time, and the will to correct the various issues was not there, neither in government nor in business. A small example is the unwillingness - perhaps for good reasons within the field of medical care, perhaps not - to institute health care for everyone, thereby handing an instant cost advantage to foreign producers.

  • Willman Willman on Dec 03, 2008

    Wow, this Gary dude sounds like he accuses Chestnuts of being Lazy and thinks he invented the question mark. Crack is wack. Just say no.

  • Islander800 That is the best 20-year-on update of the Honda Element that I've ever seen. Strip out the extraneous modern electronic crap that adds tens of thousands to the price and the completely unnecessary 400 pd/ft torque and horse power, and you have a 2022 Honda Element - right down to the neoprene interior "elements" of the Element - minus the very useful rear-hinged rear doors. The proportions and dimensions are identical.Call me biased, but I still drive my west coast 2004 Element, at 65K miles. Properly maintained, it will last another 20 years....Great job, Range Rover!
  • Dennis Howerton Nice article, Corey. Makes me wish I had bought Festivas when they were being produced. Kia made them until the line was discontinued, but Kia evidently used some of the technology to make the Rio. Pictures of the interior look a lot like my Rio's interior, and the 1.5 liter engine is from Mazda while Ford made the automatic transmission in the used 2002 Rio I've been driving since 2006. I might add the Rio is also an excellent subcompact people mover.
  • Sgeffe Bronco looks with JLR “reliability!”What’s not to like?!
  • FreedMike Back in the '70s, the one thing keeping consumers from buying more Datsuns was styling - these guys were bringing over some of the ugliest product imaginable. Remember the F10? As hard as I try to blot that rolling aberration from my memory, it comes back. So the name change to Nissan made sense, and happened right as they started bringing over good-looking product (like the Maxima that will be featured in this series). They made a pretty clean break.
  • Flowerplough Liability - Autonomous vehicles must be programmed to make life-ending decisions, and who wants to risk that? Hit the moose or dive into the steep grassy ditch? Ram the sudden pile up that is occurring mere feet in front of the bumper or scan the oncoming lane and swing left? Ram the rogue machine that suddenly swung into my lane, head on, or hop up onto the sidewalk and maybe bump a pedestrian? With no driver involved, Ford/Volkswagen or GM or whomever will bear full responsibility and, in America, be ambulance-chaser sued into bankruptcy and extinction in well under a decade. Or maybe the yuge corporations will get special, good-faith, immunity laws, nation-wide? Yeah, that's the ticket.