Chrysler Suicide Watch 36: Ghosn Fishing

The breakup of Chrysler has begun. It’s been done quietly, in the open, but under obnubilating nomenclature. That last phrase says it all. Why lie when you can make the truth so damn confusing? While Cerberus denies imminent sell-off, a cadre of automotive executives has Chrysler on a hook, passing around a felt tip pen. In fact, a pre-break up party is the only way of explaining some of the crazy-ass deals the three-headed dog has been fetching lately.

To wit: April 15. Chrysler and Nissan agree to build big vehicles for each other. Nissan will make a small, fuel-efficient car for Chrysler, shoring-up a hole they created by letting the once successful Neon whither and die. This makes sense, kind of, for the dog. Chrysler has no small car in a blooming small car market.

Nissan, on the other paw, generates a new competitor for itself. The Versa and Sentra are performing well in the new $4.25 a gallon US. But not as well as Honda’s Fit or Civic, or Toyota’s Corolla. So let’s see… if you are in third place, what’s the best thing to do? Take a lesson from the leaders and refine your product? Or, take a lesson from the guys running in the opposite direction and badge engineer your current cars into vapor?

And that’s just half the deal. Chrysler’s going to build a new full-size truck for Nissan. Who the what now? Chrysler’s truck business fell 48.1 percent in June. It’s off 30.4 percent for the year, and last year wasn’t that great. Nissan wants a piece of that? Doesn’t Nissan already have a full-size truck? Built in Canton, Mississippi? Yeah, let’s ditch that for a Ram knock-off from Saltillo, Mexico.

Again, let Toyota keep working their platform till they get it right. It’s foolish when you can just go buy a bunch of Dodges. That’s supposing that you need a full-size truck on your lots in the first place, which is debatable when you’ve made it from 1914 to 2004 without one.

Exactly how much of Renault – Nissan’s resurgence can be attributed to CEO Carlos Ghosn’s brilliance is always up for discussion. It’s tough to find someone who says he’s outright stupid, though. Most reports label him smart. Ghosn says the Chrysler deal will save millions in development costs and provide more efficient use of manufacturing capacity. It’s the kind of statement that seems to make sense– until you place it in context. The American market has contracted, the dollar is down against the everything and trucks are no one’s growth potential.

Ghosn also said he wants a third, preferably North American, leg for his stool. He played with GM two years ago, but that went the way of the Datsun. Nissan and Chrysler forged a transmission deal in 2004 and announced a Versa re-badge for South America back in January. He’s been trying to form a backroom mega manufacturer for years. Ghosn doesn’t want trucks. He wants inroads.

Nissan is not the only “strategic partnership” with a knife and fork, waiting until everyone is seated. Chrysler builds the Routan for Volkswagen (a match made in purgatory.) They buy hybrid systems from General Motors to disguise Durangos and Aspens as modern vehicles. Chrysler has some kind of deal with Chery Motors, though its importance outside of China is unclear. They’ve also had talks with Mahindra & Mahindra. (Although who hasn’t, really.)

Chrysler has lost billions of dollars for its canine overlords, none of who got into the car business to make cars. They want to make money. Exactly how long they are going to wait for a profit is an X in the equation. Anyone looking at current sales figures and all the new product Chrysler’s not preparing can tell you positive cash flow is years away. As opposed to slicing off branches, divisions and units, which can serve-up cash tomorrow.

It is easier to sell to people with whom you are already doing business. If your plant is tooled-up to build Nissan Titans, why not become a Nissan Titan plant? Getting a hold of 3,700 Chrysler dealers across the heartland of America is, conceivably, a good idea for someone who needs a U.S. presence. OK, maybe not all of the Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep shops. But about 1400 stores might look tasty.

VW wants to increase North American sales by a billion percent. In this economy, if you want to sell cars in the States, you better build them in the states. Yes, VeeDub’s looking to cut a deal down south. Meanwhile, anyone got a Sebring plant they’re not using?

Cerberus can tout all the synergistic original equipment manufacturing global positioning alliances it wants. The lines will have been drawn. Dotted lines. As in, cut here.