OK, so GM's Vice Chairman, Bob Lutz, takes a tour of his fiefdom. His entourage sweeps into the top-secret room where the design department has hidden GM's future models from prying eyes. The Car Czar takes a look at a sleek machine. "What's that?" he demands. "It's the new Corvette," a minion reveals. "No it's not," Lutz snaps. At a stroke, the former Marine fighter pilot has served notice to his new troops: must do better. A legend is born. Nice story. Not true.

The SUV backlash starts here. So proclaims an American billboard advertising the new MINI. It's the company's low-cost attempt to entice Yanks out of cars so damn big they can strap a MINI into the rear seats and still have room for the in-laws. Sure the MINI is a great car. But if MINI's masters thinks their pocket rocket has what it takes to extract Americans from their beloved SUV's, I've got news: it ain't gonna happen.

Get real guys. If an SUV backlash will start anywhere, it will probably start in Iraq— if and when American military action provokes another oil crisis. Should the price of gas ascend like a cruise missile off a battleship, or availability falter like a British machine gun in the sands of Afghanistan, then and only then, will American consumers abandon their SUV's. Maybe.

According to Hans-Gerd Bode, VW's top marketing man, any luxury car that wants to make it in the German market must have 'uberholprestige'. 'Autobahn drivers who see a new car's nose looming in their rear view mirror must rate the machine highly enough to pull over and let it pass.' Thanks for that. Now give me the keys and show me that autobahn…

Approaching the Phaeton, you'd be forgiven for thinking you're about to get behind the wheel of an over-sized Passat. The Phaeton is huge: 16.5' long, and 6' wide. Despite these luxo-barge dimensions, the Phaeton is elegant, in a stealth wealth, 'I'm not a Mercedes' kind of way. Understated. But not under-equipped. The Phaeton comes equipped with all the must-have luxury car toys: sat nav, on-board computer, built-in and hands-free phones, cruise control, adjustable suspension, rain sensitive wipers, five ways to change gears (automatic, sport automatic, Tiptronic, paddle shift and wheel-mounted buttons), seats that heat, cool and massage; the lot. A Golf driver wouldn't know where to start.