New Ford CEO Billy Jim Joe Jim Ford proudly intorduced today Way Forward(tm) Part Seven: The Mustang.

“This new Mustang represents generations of proud Ford heritage. Features such as live-axles front and rear promise pony car fans will still be able to buy poor handling American cars with increasingly expensive models in five hosepower incriments. What ever that means. LETS GET DRUUUUNK!!”

Mr. Ford then spent the rest of the press conference shotgunning beer and occasionally shooting guns into the air.

“TTAC picks the ChrysFordGM Sidewinder as Car of the Decade.” TTAC praised the vehicle for its “immediate road feedback (IRF)” and “90 degree turn (90DT)” systems, which rely on the combination of a driver’s seat placed under the front axle and a sea anchor that can be dropped instantly prior to a right hand turn and just as quickly retracted following the turn, to create what TTAC editors referred to as “the penultimate driving experience.” The G forces are “fierce but medically tolerable,” said the editors. They also observed that ChrysFordGM’s policy of selling the vehicle only to unmarried unchilded 20-year olds “may seem discriminatory at first blush, but is justified based on a careful consideration of consumer needs.”

Reuters – Jan 15, 2020

VVs CEO Malcolm Bricklin announced the immediate availability of the VV5 sedan yesterday which is the performance variant of the sector leading VV560 luxury sedan. Bricklin claims that this new sedan built in the new VV factory in Lhasa City would cement his company’s stronghold as the world’s number one luxury vehicle brand.

On the subject of the new plant, Bricklin noted that joining forces with fellow centenaire Kirk Kerkorian and moving the factory part by part from Flint Mich was the best move he’s ever made. This new vehicle set the world’s fastest prodution time record moving from concept to finished product in 5 short months after the concept VV5’s smash debut at the Shanghai autoshow.

Fixed it for ya.

But i am pretty sure that Maybach is going to have an economy car to expand their customer base

Over the past decades, Buick has tried – and failed – to attract younger buyers into its showrooms. Now, with the passing of the brand’s last potential buyer, marketing executives have unveiled a bold new strategy to market vehicles directly to the dearly departed…

After decades of criticism for being myopic, GM has taken the first step to branch out from Michigan, announcing they will move all corporate decision-making positions within two years to Seoul, where the majority of production for both GM brands has gravitated over the past 20 years.

Sure:

Today, GM shipped the first batch of its HGH-equipped trucks to customers. HGH stands for hydrogen-compatible gasoline hybrid, developed as a joint venture with several other manufacturers. Hybrid drivetrain, licensed from AUTOVAZ, allows the 9000lb machines to get respectable 14mpg fuel economy, while sophisticated fuel cell technology permits using hydrogen as fuel, legally making the new GMT90000’s zero-emissions vehicles in California. The HGH option will be immediately available on Cadillac ElNino, GMT Montana, Buick Dejavu, Pontiac Maya, Chevrolet Nickel, Saab 9-9 Hydro, Hummer H2O, Saturn Hue, and the newly launched Oldsmobile Alpha 99. Duriung the press conference today, CEO Rick Wagoner praised the new drivetrain – “This is the next big thing”.

Following the HGH press conference, GM released their second-quarter results, which showed profits of $200m – compared to losses of $5.6bn a year ago. Projected reductions in CAFE fines due to HGH, and including 10-year expected profits from licensing hydrogen cell technology contributed to making this the first profitable quarter in years. GM stock rose 12% on Monday.

In a separate development, Mirca Hydrogen International opened a hydrogen filling station in Wazoo, Beechem County, Alabama – making it the first retail fuel cell recharging station outside of Indiana.

Now that’s just good comedy.

Thanks for contributing to the amusement.

I think I read somewhere that Porsche was (or is?) seriously considering a SUT… and wants to compete in the NASCAR Truck series. It has to be BS.

Nice! Very reminiscent of Sniff Petrol with a Yank angle. The winners included everything built by BMW and Honda, along with a token Chevrolet and Chrysler

LMAO