Palin To Toyota: Just Resign From Making Cars

Former Alaska Governer Sarah Palin has a message for Toyota: “The best thing they can do at this point is resign from manufacturing cars,” she said in a statement posted on her refrigerator. These statements were later echoed in a speech.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned,” Palin told a crowd of supporters outside Phil’s House of Taxidermy in Bozeman, Montana, “It’s that you should always quit to focus on your family and serving people better.”

When asked how this might apply to Toyota’s situation, Palin responded “Toyota and me have a lot in common. We both have mentally challenged offspring. If I were them, golly I’d quit making cars because the establishment is too much of a mess. But they can tell supporters that they will continue to fight the good fight of making cars.”

Toyota has been plagued by quality scandals over the past several months, marked with congressional hearing and a tremendous recall. This past week several Priuses became self aware and tried to commit suicide, taking attempting to take their drivers with them.

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Chrysler To Recall Entire Range, Will Run “Let’s Recall America” Ad Campaign

After the violently successful “Let’s Refuel America” ad campaign, during which time Chrysler pitched itself as the $2.99/gallon antidote to what seemed like expensive gas, Chrysler plans to follow it up with a new “Let’s Recall America” ad campaign.

The Chrysler Group is poised to announce a spate of wide-ranging recalls, having observed the trend set in recent weeks by global giants Toyota, Honda and Volkswagen. In the absence of actually developing new product, it is understood Chrysler has instead elected to focus on those areas where it remains competitive. As a result – and in a move clearly designed to outgun its rivals – Chrysler’s recall program will extend across the carmaker’s entire lineup, a point the company believes will give it a crucial advantage in the race to the bottom.

“As usual, the media is bowing down to Toyota and their precious recalls. Well, we can out-recall them. In fact, by the end of the week Chrysler will be recalling a bigger percentage of its product line than any other company – 100%!” said Chrysler PR spokesman Charlie Riven.

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