The Truth About Cars » MetaCars http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com The Truth About Cars is dedicated to providing candid, unbiased automobile reviews and the latest in auto industry news. Sat, 19 Apr 2014 16:31:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.8.1 The Truth About Cars is dedicated to providing candid, unbiased automobile reviews and the latest in auto industry news. The Truth About Cars no The Truth About Cars editors@ttac.com editors@ttac.com (The Truth About Cars) 2006-2009 The Truth About Cars The Truth About Cars is dedicated to providing candid, unbiased automobile reviews and the latest in auto industry news. The Truth About Cars » MetaCars http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/wp-content/themes/ttac-theme/images/logo.gif http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com The MetaCars Week In Review http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-4/ http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-4/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 18:56:44 +0000 http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=342848

Man Who Voluntarily Chose to Buy GMC Canyon Elected to U.S. Senate
Voters in Massachusetts have chosen a man who bought a GMC Canyon as their next representative to the U.S. Senate

According to reports, Senator-Elect Scott Brown voluntarily purchased the 5-cylinder truck, with either his own money or a bank loan. “As far as we know, there was no coercion involved in Brown’s purchase of the vehicle, the worst truck in America” said Sgt. Pete Malloy, of the Boston Police Department.

The GMC Canyon, based on an Isuzu design and featuring the world’s worst engine currently in production, has typically been the truck of choice of people who “You wouldn’t trust to buy your groceries, let alone vote on foreign policy,” remarked Evan Smith of the think tank and publisher Council on Foreign Relations.

Voters apparently didn’t mind Brown’s choice of Canyon, however. Amanda Eisler, 23, of Springfield told MetaCars, “I don’t see how his choice of car is important. Senator Brown is like real smart and has good judgment, just like my dad.” When asked, Eisler said her father is also an auto enthusiast. “He’s got a Suzuki Verona and a Chrysler Sebring sedan.”

American Car Fan Says Next Year is the Year He’ll Finally Get into F1

An American auto enthusiast says next year it the year he’ll finally ‘get into’ Formula One racing.

“It’s always on all the blogs and I feel like I should watch. Fast cars are involved – you know I love fast cars. Last year I tried but fell asleep. The year before a lot of the races were on at 3AM, and I didn’t wake up for my alarm,” said Paul Mann, 31, of Miami, FL.

Formula One races, long considered some of the most watched sporting events in the world, are not popular in America. MetaCars spoke with media expert Jeffrey Moore for his opinion. “It’s a bit like soccer really. Everybody plays soccer as a kid, the same way that we all drive cars. Then we all say we’re going to follow the international professional versions, like FIFA and F1. But you try it and it’s just too damn boring.”

MINI: Shoppers Clamoring For Expensive Four Seat Crossovers

MINI has revealed its next model, the Countryman, a four seat crossover that is promised to be even more popular than the MINI Clubfoot.

“People are just demanding four seat crossover vehicles. Headroom and seating have been excessive in cars for too many years. The Countryman will help the market correction with fewer seats, less headroom, general feelings of crampedness, and a high price tag,” said spokesman Herman Scofield.

BMW says has taken everything it has learned from vehicles like the 1-Series hatch and X6 in crafting this new Countryman, which promises to be even more cramped inside than it looks. “We have all sorts of innovations to waste the interior space,” explains Scofield, “The seats are funny shapes. Weird round plastic panels will cut into the cargo area. In fact, with the rear seats in use, there is no cargo area. Do you have any idea how hard that was to engineer?”

American buyers are particularly excited at the opportunity to pay $20,000-$30,000 for a vehicle with four seats and 120 horsepower. “My BMW 318ti is on its last legs, and the 138 horsepower is way more than I can use. This is the kind of vehicle I have been waiting for. I think I can count on the AWD to slow it down enough as well,” observes Scott Haldon, 41, of South Attleboro, MA.

Area Man May Not Finish Project Car This Year

A Des Moines, Iowa man may not finish his project car this year, much to the disappointment of his wife. David Richards, 48, just doesn’t think he can get his 1969 AMC Ambassador done in 2010, let alone by his original goal of the spring or summer. “We were hoping to use it as a nice summer cruiser. But I have to be realistic. I might be only 18 or 19% done,” said Richards — who seemed confident in the precision of his estimate.

Richards’ wife, according to neighbors, is unhappy about the delay. “She was yelling at him last night. I could hear it from the backyard. She kept asking when he was going to get that rusty piece of junk out of the garage so she can park her car in there for the winter.”

This is not the first time Richards has had to delay the completion of his AMC Ambassador project. In the spring of 2007 and the summer of 2008 he also was unable to meet restoration deadlines. Richards cites his primary problems as being a lack of time, money, and available parts, and also the fact that the Ambassador is “seriously rusting to nothing.”

For the most accurate (if not technically true) internet car news, check out www.metacars.com

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The MetaCars Week In Review http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-3/ http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-3/#comments Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:12:13 +0000 http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=342013 Zeta, baby!Tourists Flock to Detroit For GM’s Annual “We’re Importing the Holden Commodore” Festival

Detroit in January. Car fans may think of the North American International Auto Show, but there are thousands of tourists in town to attend festivities for GM’s annual announcement that it will be importing the Holden Commodore sport sedan from Australia.

Similar to the Burning Man Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada, the Commodore importation event has grown dramatically over the past several years. It draws huge crowds of idealists and enthusiasts for days of partying and fun, culminating with GM’s announcement that it is again looking at importing the Holden Commodore into the United States for sale under one of its American brands.

General Motors supports the event, and even contributes. “We try to come up with a good theme for every year,” said GM spokesman Hal Steiner. “Instead of just saying that the Commodore is coming, we will say that the Sport Wagon version is on its way. Or that every model will offer a six-speed manual transmission. Or that we’re looking at Buick to bring in long-wheelbase luxury versions like the Buick Park Avenue in China.”

This year, General Motors is planning to announce that the Commodore will come to the United States as a premium Chevrolet sedan, and also as an El Camino-style pickup.

“The nice thing, Steiner told MetaCars, “is that people can have until June or July to think it’s true. We’ll go back on our statements then, but by that point it’s only another six months until the next year’s Commodore Import Festival!”Any day now...


Congressional Budget Office Estimates It Can Get that Project Car Done for “Just a Few Grand”

A new report from the Congressional Budget Office estimates that the government shouldn’t have too much of a problem getting that project car done over the winter for just a few thousands dollars, despite having no real experience restoring cars.

The project car in question, a white 1973 two-door Chevy Nova parked at a gas station in town, “couldn’t possibly need that much work” and according to the CBO “would be fun to take down to the beach come the summer.”

Some were surprised that the CBO report downplayed the threat posed by the rust on the lower part of the doors and on the trunk, as well as the cracks in the dashboard. “It’s just a little surface rust,” the report said optimistically “We’re confident that the rest of the car doesn’t suffer from systemic and malignant rust on major structural components. Although we haven’t exactly checked it out for sure yet.”

Concluding the report, the CBO’s chief analyst Miles Brooks said “Look, we can do a quick respray at Maaco or whatever, those are pretty cheap. We suspect we can find any necessary replacement parts on eBay. After all, it’s a Chevy from the early 70s. There are probably loads of them out in junkyards and stuff.”


Exciting, Daring New Jalopnik.com Asks “Do Your Car Keys Weigh Too Much?”

The popular enthusiast website, Jalopnik.com, has published yet another exciting new article since the site’s enthusiast-oriented revamp, this one entitled “Do Your Car Keys Weight Too Much?

Fans had criticized Jalopnik for becoming to focused on press releases, boring cars and banal news, prompting Editor-in-Chief Ray Wert III to pen “The Awesomeness Manifesto,” a mission statement that promised “When it comes to news reporting, we need to be breaking stories by shining a light on the dark underbelly of the automotive world.”

Luckily, this new story asking whether “Your Car Keys Weight Too Much” is exactly what Wert had been promising and what the site’s fans were hoping for. It says, in part, “to prevent long-term wear on our ignitions, we separate our car keys from our general key chains, leaving just the car key and key fob to place as little load as possible on the ignition.”

There should be – nay, there need to be – more websites willing to be so bold.

Toyota Camry SE

Authorities No Closer to Identifying Buyers of Toyota Camry SE Models

Authorities are no closer to identifying the buyers of Toyota Camry SE “sporty” models, sources inside the government told MetaCars last night.

The “sporty performance” SE trim level for the Camry is available with either of the engine options, starting with $24,400 for a 2.5 liter 4-cylinder engine with 179 horsepower and a smooth-shifting automatic transmission and features 17-inch sporty alloy wheels.

Unfortunately, the buyers of these Camry models have eluded authorities for several months now. “What I want to know is, who pays $24,400 for a sporty Toyota Camry with a 4-cylinder engine and an automatic transmission?” said Federal Agent Carol Ramirez, who commented on the condition of anonymity.

Catch the most accurate (if not technically true) coverage of the world of internet car news at MetaCars.com.

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The MetaCars Week In Review http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-2/ http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review-2/#comments Sat, 09 Jan 2010 15:52:09 +0000 http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=341261

Don't worry, he reads urbandictionary.com...

GM Hires 78 Year-Old Man To Debut New Youth-Oriented Buick Regal GS

General Motors has contracted with a 78-year old man to debut a new Buick model meant to reorient the brand away from 80 year old buyers.

Robert A. Lutz, a Korean war veteran, helped himself up to the stage to announce the new Buick. Shown beside him in classic Buick white, Lutz said it would “be the final nail in the coffin for the old Buick brand image.” The new Regal GS is equipped with new-era technology, such as power seats, locks, and windows, as well as a full-sized trunk.

Another General Motors spokesman, Harold Braudel, told media members: “This new Regal is a classic American sedan. It marries European engineering with European design, all brought together by European manufacture.

Mr. Lutz had already teamed up with General Motors for work in the past; the octogenarian charmingly brought his Cadillac sedan to a track contest some months ago.

“Our goal is to show how youthful Buick has become. We’re shattering perceptions, and also hips,” Braudel concluded.

Chrysler to Debut Chrysler-Badged Lancia Delta in Detroit, Estimates 100,000 Pre-Orders Will be Placed in January

Who wants to fly Delta?

Chrysler will debut a new luxury hatchback based on the European Lancia Delta at the Detroit Auto Show, in Detroit, Michigan early next week.

The hatchback, thought to be called the Chrysler ‘In Memory of 9/11′ (Patriot, Liberty, and Freedom-Edition are already in use in the Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep family), is said to feature a Chrysler nose grafted onto the Lancia Delta body.

“Since I can’t design a new Chrysler 300 every week, we’re going with a tried and true strategy: import and rebadge a car from overseas, said Chrysler VP of Design Ralph Gilles. “Think about how profitable and successful this has been in the past.”

When asked for examples of this strategy’s success historically, Gilles responded “The past 30 years are littered with examples of high-selling, much-loved, profitable captive imports. Just think: the Merkur XR4Ti, Merkur Scorpio, Sterling 825, Saturn Astra, Ford Contour, Pontiac G8, Pontiac GTO, AMC Alliance, Eagle Medallion, Eagle Premier, Dodge Monaco, Buick Opel by Isuzu, Australian Mercury Capri, Acura SLX, Saab 9-7X, Saab 9-2X, Chrysler Crossfire, and Cadillac Catera.”

Jalopnik to Restructure: Every Post Title Now to Include The Word “Hoon”

In a lengthy manifesto published yesterday on Jalopnik.com, Editor-in-Chief Ray Wert announced that the site would reevaluate its content and direction due to severe underusage of the word “hoon.”

“I know it’s important to you. Each and every one of you commenters with a star, and even the pathetic losers without a star, that we put hoon in every post title and as many sentences as possible. I’ve slacked off on modifying my own use of the word hoon, with alternatives like hoonage, hoonery, and hoonpees simplex b,” Wert said in the post.

Sources within the Jalopnik headquarters say that staff have already stepped up their hoon-use. “Just this morning, I asked someone to beer me a hoon, and they knew what I was talking about,” said a staffer. “If you don’t watch The Office or read Jalopnik, you might not get it. But that’s what is at the core of our Jalopnik brand: inside jokes.”

After posting the manifesto, Jalopnik promised to shift valuable resources away from covering Transformers 3 and into coverage of the upcoming A-Team movie.

Random Dick Guy with “TRNSPRTA” License Plate Swears He’s Never Seen Transporter 2AudiTRNSPRTA

A random dick guy with a high performance Audi S6 and the custom lincense plate “TRNSPRTA” claims he has never seen the movie Transporter 2, sources say.

“I’m friends with the guy who owns the car. He’s a dick, really. AND he says the idea to put the TRNSPRTA license plate on just came to him, that it’s not from the movie. Whatever!” said one gas station attendant familiar with the dick.

The Transporter 2 action film starred Jason Statham, finding work as a nanny between jobs as a professional criminal chauffer. Statham drove an Audi A8 with a 12-cylinder engine and an automatic transmission, an alternative to the random dick’s Audi S6 for people who aren’t so poor.

Experts, however, say that the “TRNSPRTA” license plate is too much of a giveaway. “If this random dick was in fact a professional driver for bank robbers, it’s unlikely he’d have a vanity plate that says TRNSPRTA” said Michael Cohen, a professor of Criminology at the University of Phoenix Online.


F1 CEO Bernie Ecclestone: “I’d Buy Saab if Only Those Jew Bankers Would Give Me Funding”

Bernie Ecclestone, the CEO of Formula One racing, has put in a last minute bid to buy Saab. “Doctors tell me that with the declining popularity of F1 racing, buying a car company may be the only way to save my ego from starvation.”

Unfortunately, the road block for Ecclestone will be securing enough funding for the transaction. “If the Jew bankers would loan me money, I might be able to put the deal through without any more delays. If Hitler was at the negotiating table, we’d have signed all the documents already and I’d be surveying Trollhatten,” Ecclestone told reporters.

Ecclestone previously cited his respect for Hitler’s productivity. In response to criticism for those comments from Jewish civil organizations, Ecclestone recently told the Associated Press “It’s a pity they didn’t sort the banks out. They have a lot of influence everywhere.”

Catch the most accurate (if not technically true) coverage of the world of internet car news at MetaCars.com.

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The MetaCars Week In Review http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review/ http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2010/01/the-metacars-week-in-review/#comments Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:38:01 +0000 http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=340522 Time for a spin cycle?

[Editor's note: TTAC prides itself on covering the most compelling stories in the automotive world, connecting the biggest trends, and exploring the most momentous decisions. We endlessly pore over the ceaseless stream of automotive news and data, and bring the most significant and momentous stories to these pages for your enlightenment and debate. But sometimes we just plain need a break from all the seriousness. Luckily, former TTACer Justin Berkowitz has the perfect palate-cleanser after a long week of news and analysis. His site, Metacars.com, publishes some of the best auto humor on the web, and we've asked him to compile a weekly digest of the funniest car news that never happened over the previous seven days. Unlike AutoWeek, the MetaCars Week In Review will actually be published every week, and unlike Jalopnik it will actually be funny. We hope you enjoy it.]

You're either with the embargo or against the embargo...Man Responsible for Ford Mustang Information Leaks Begins 10-Year Prison Term in Secret CIA Facility in Kazakhstan

The man responsible for leaking information on the new 2011 Ford Mustang has been transferred from Ford Intelligence to a secret prison facility in Kazakhstan, according to insiders at the CIA.

Details about Ford’s updated 2011 model leaked within the past two weeks as journalists broke embargoes on the details of the new V8 engine in particular, which is rated at a disappointing and class-trailing 390 lb-ft of torque.

TTAC’s Volt Birthwatch Series Accidentally Prompts 36,000 Volt Pre-Orders

The popular “Volt Birthwatch” series on TheTruthAboutCars.com has prompted some 36,000 pre-orders, according to a spokesperson for General Motors’ Division of Pre-Ordering and Dealer Markups. “After reading 180 chronicles of the Volt’s development, I guess TTAC’s own readers flipped on them.”

TTAC Editor in Chief Edward Niedermeyer has demanded a commission for the sales.

General Motors To Make Buick a Sporty Youth Brand, Lutz Calls it “American BMW.”

According to recent posts on General Motors’ corporate Twitster page, Buick will become a performance-focused brand with rear wheel drive vehicles and manual transmissions.

“This is a bold decision. For the first time ever, we will take on BMW,” said branding guru Bob Lutz. “We’re going to develop a rear wheel drive roadster to fight the Z4 and a RWD sedan based on our successful Holden Commodore to take on the BMW 5-Series.”

The goal is to get the sales numbers up to about 300,000 sales per year, approximately three times what they are now.

MetaCars Speaks with BMW’s Lead Designer on X6, 5-Series GT Projects Like the X6... only with a brighter future

MetaCars: What inspired you to pen the X6 and 5-Series GT?

Hans Schroeder: Like many car designers, I look for beauty in nature. For example, Ian Callum styled the XK8 on actress Kate Winslet’s curvy figure.

MC: And what about the X6 and 5-Series GT?

HS: Those are pleasing shapes in general. A lot of inspiration came from [actress and singer] Jennifer Lopez.

MC: Well thanks for sitting down with us!

HS: I’m always happy to sit down.

Blog Reader Scrolls Past That Story About Toyota and the Floormats

A Cortland, NY man has scrolled past several blog posts about that thing with Toyota and floormats, according to reports.

Tim Scott told MetaCars “These posts keep coming about it on several of the car blogs I read. But I admit I’ve never actually stopped to read the story. I’m just interested in the stuff on the new Mustang, like the horsepower and what it’s going to cost.”

Scott may have a point — according to statistics from the mainstream CarsRulez blog, as many as 100% of readers may be skipping posts about Toyota and recalled floormats.

“Really,” Scott told us, “I just don’t give a shit. If I wanted that serious stuff I’d read the Wall Street Journal”

GM: “We swear to God, we’re selling Saab this week or shutting it down. For real this time, trust us.”

General Motors claims that this week is definitely, seriously the week it will make a decision about Saab’s fate. And they swear to God about it. “I know we set some deadlines in the past about selling or shuttering Saab. But now we mean it. This time you can trust us,” said a GM spokesman.

The brand’s fate has been in flux since it had a bad sales year in 1959, and hasn’t been profitable for the past 6 or 7 or 50 years or so.

GM has entertained offers from sports car manufacturers Koenigsegg and Spyker but is looking for a buyer who doesn’t have such enormous sales volumes, with 20 and 23 cars per year respectively.

MKF-off!Lincoln Changes Company Name to MKL, VP Mark Fields Now Called MKF

In a move anticipated by industry analysts for several months, Ford Motor Company has announced that the Lincoln brand name will change to MKL. The announcement was made at the LA Auto Show by Ford of the Americas President Mark Fields. who is concurrently changing his own name to MKF.

“The Mark series cars were always the most successful, interesting Lincolns. As a contrast, Lincolns with real names have negative customer associations: Towncars are just big taxis. The Navigator hasn’t been cool since the Escalade came out. The Continental was once popular, but then Kennedy got shot in one,” MKF explained.

Most recently, Lincoln has renamed virtually all of its models MK-something. The Zephyr became the MKZ, the Aviator became the MKX, the Blackwood became the Mark LT, and the Ford Taurus became the MKS.

Catch the most accurate (if not technically true) coverage of the world of internet car news at MetaCars.com.

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