Continuing with our look at long forgotten (and some not so long forgotten, but forgotten just the same) concept and show cars from the major automobile manufacturers. Part One, Acura to Chevrolet, is here. Part two, Chrysler to Ford, is here.

Sure, once you see it, the Honda SSM (Sports Study Model), first shown at the Tokyo show in 1995 and styled by Pininfarina, was obviously the concept for what became the S2000 roadster. The question is do S2000 fans even remember the SSM?

Try and see if you can recall the Infiniti Triant from 2003.

Chrysler recycled the Jeepster name for this 1998 concept, which you may actually remember.

Quite a number of die cast model companies and brands, including Maisto, Hot Wheels, Matchbox,  and Tonka have produced toys and models of the Jeepster. If you’re a member of Generation Y, you may just remember the Jeepster.

Along with the Jeepster, the Varsity concept from 2000 made Hooniverse’s list of Jeep’s top 25 concept vehicles (not included on the list were the very cool Mighty FC cabover “forward control” truck and the JC-12 pickup concepts from last year). Jeep does indeed have a history of cool concepts, but I wouldn’t call the Varsity as memorable as the twin Hemi powered Hurricane that could turn on its own axis.

I don’t know if the 1969 Jeep XJ-001 concept is what convinced American Motors to buy Jeep from Kaiser the following year, or not. Jeep had been buying AMC engines for a while and when they decided to build their own version of a muscle car, with a custom fiberglass body on a CJ-5 chassis, they dropped in an AMC 360 cubic inch V8.

The XJ-001 is actually notable in Jeep history as it introduced one of the earliest full-time four wheel drive systems, which they called ”Quadritrac”. That would morph into Quadra Trac when the system was first offered for sale in 1973.

I can’t imagine where ever Kaiser got the idea to name this 1951 concept the “Safari”. Seriously though, I’m pretty sure they got the idea to use fur and zebra skins from the Cadillac Debutante the year before. The car companies were lucky there was no PETA then.

When I saw this photo of this Lincoln concept from 1988, I said, “what a cool car”. Lincoln has a history of making concept cars that, years later, enthusiasts say, “now that’s a car that Lincoln should have made”.

Then I saw what they named it. In what alternate universe is the brand Lincoln associated with the word machete? If it had gone into production, would they have gotten Danny Trejo to do their ads?

Now that Morgan has brought back the Three Wheeler, with the blessings of Baruth, and Polaris is about to introduce the Slingshot reverse trike, perhaps Mercedes-Benz should put the F300 Life Jet leanable trike concept from 1998 into production. I wonder if they paid any royalties to Fritz Fend‘s family.

The Mercury brand had some exciting show cars. Perhaps if some of them had gone into production, the brand might still be here with us today. The MC4 concept was based on a 1996 Thunderbird (Sajeev take note). The car’s designer, the late John Hartnell, gave it both suicide doors and de Tomaso Mangusta style rear center-opening hatches (with integral taillights). That combination alone should have made it a memorable concept car but memory can be fickle.

When Ford sold off some of their corporate collection of concept cars in 2002 to raise money for charity and celebrate FoMoCo’s centennial, the pre-sale estimate on the MC4 was $60,000-$120,000 with no reserve. It was hammered off at $645,500, the second highest sale price at that auction You may not remember it, but someone sure did. I bet his wife remembers the auction too.

The Mercury Messenger wowed the critics in 2003, so it’s not really that obscure, but does anyone think that Mercury dealers would have known what to do with a sporty two seater? It was supposed to be Mercury’s new brand look, which lasted until the Messenger was retired from the show circuit.

A great looking car but is there anything about it that says “Mercury”? Part of the problem is the name. Who calls a two seat sports coupe with a V8 engine the Messenger? For gosh sakes, this was a company that made cars called the Eliminator and the Marauder. Lincoln shows a Machete and Mercury shows a Messenger? Boy, Ford really got its brands messed up before Mulally turned things around. Besides, the Messenger was based on the Mustang, they should have called it the Cougar.

Less memorable was the Mercury Mystique, another suppository shaped minivan.

Before there was Ford One, there was the Mercury One, a joint project of Mazda and Mercury.

Somehow the name Mercury Palomar isn’t quite right. I know there’s an observatory on Mount Palomar and Mercury is indeed an astronomical body, but the car brand is named after the god, not the planet, so you end up with a car that’s actually named after a god and a mountain, not a planet and and observatory as the marketers guessed. The inspiration for the Palomar’s name was obviously the retractable roof, just like an observatory has. The inspiration for the roof itself was possibly from South Bend, not outer space. Well, sort of. In 1959, Brooks Stevens, who would later design the similarly featured Wagonaire and other Studebakers, designed three concepts cars called the Scimitar for the Olin Matheson Chemical Corp. to demonstrate the functional and decorative use of aluminum. One of the Scimitars was a station wagon with a retractable roof that let you carry tall items. The retractable roofed wagon is one of those ideas that pops up from time to time on concept and production vehicles most recently with the 2004 GMC Envoy XUV.

Continued in part 4 tomorrow, Mitsubishi to Plymouth.

Ronnie Schreiber edits Cars In Depth, a realistic perspective on cars & car culture and the original 3D car site. If you found this post worthwhile, you can dig deeper at Cars In Depth. If the 3D thing freaks you out, don’t worry, all the photo and video players in use at the site have mono options. Thanks – RJS

Today’s edition of Monday Mileage Midget is brought to you by the state of Florida.

Palm trees. Retirement communities. Traffic signals and double yellow lines that are treated as mere suggestions. Florida has become an economic juggernaut thanks in large part to cheap housing, plenty of sunshine, and legal loopholes that allow well deserving retirees and unethical douchebags to live on the cheap.

There is one other unusual reality benefit of living in Florida… low mileage cars.

Here we have a 2008 Mercury Grand Marquis GS with only 3,289 miles.

I love the interior on this one. It just screams out, “Road trip!” with those large cupholders and the virtually untouched seats.

And here we have a 2001 Mercury Grand Marquis GS with only 10,702 miles. Pardon the sun glint but I’m not the one taking these pictures.

Finally, if you are willing to go a bit beyond the usual automotive blue plate specials, there is…

A 2005 Honda Pilot EX with AWD and 15k miles.

A loaded up for 1994, Ford Ranger STX. ABS, Cruise, 5-Speed, Ice Cold Air, AM/FM Radio with the all too essential cassette deck and alloy wheels. A ride that may have cost less out the door in 2009 than it did back in 1994. This one has 22,375 original miles.

Finally, if you find yourself owning a lifetime supply of Grey Poupon and houndstooth sportcoats, you can buy yourself one of these.

A 1997 Bentley Brooklands. Gorgeous. 30,021 miles. Need I say more?

Well, if I must. This may have been one of the last old school designs that you could get before bulbous bling started to take over. The difference between the Bentley Brooklands of 1997…

and the Bentley Brooklands of 2008

is a classic representation of how elegance in automotive design gave way to gaudiness. The most recent generations of the Grand Marquis and the Pilot represent much of the same. Well earned prestige, that ended up completely subverted by those who thought the protruding plasticidity of Escalades and fingernail thin chrome treatments would be the way of the future.

Mark my words. The 1997 Brooklands will be a classic for all the right reasons. The 2008 model won’t be nearly as well received when it comes time for tomorrow’s classic car shows. It may be a hot auction commodity by then. But only because they sold so few of them.

The holidays, no matter your religion (or lack thereof), is a time when many a car freak has the downtime to think of something they’d really want.  Another car?  Maybe.  More cars?  Possibly.  But I suspect many a Piston Slap reader is all about doing something to their car over the break. Here’s one of my projects: the Talking Lincoln Mark VIII, or MK-T for short. 

As a somewhat newly-minted homeowner I’m doing less house chores, getting back to my brand of idiotic brilliantly obscure modifications.  My Cougar is full of them, one is here, now it’s time to do the same to my Mark VIII: replace the outdated/bricked HomeLink receiver in my sun visor with something newer (rolling code) and cooler. I knew of the newer part (voice recorder, from a 1999 Mercury Mountaineer) for years, but didn’t know they came in charcoal…OMG SON…until last week.

And there’s the rub: the charcoal Homelink hasn’t arrived yet because I found it on eBay the Friday before Christmas.  Lesson Learned: if you want to tackle a project, don’t fart around with the presents to yourself.  Make sure they arrive well before the holiday. 

Yes, I’m so pumped that I actually printed out the eBay photo to help mock-up the visor. Now let’s wrap up the lonesome rant with the abbreviated procedure to make this happen:

• Remove sun visor from car.
• Watch YouTube video, grab screwdrivers and hope for the best.
• Crack open visor like a clam.
• Disconnect, remove pointless HomeLink module.
• Verify factory module’s casing is similar to the one printed out from eBay. Sure enough, it is. Even the new one’s speaker isn’t obstructed inside the visor!
• Verify wiring harness is the same. It certainly looks that way…PLUG & PLAY, son!
• Turn into a 4 year old boy, get excited because you are a moron.
• Hit “Buy It Now.”
• WAIT FOR SHIPPING!!!  Grrr…
• Get new one, pop off charcoal trim and separate it from the rubber buttons. Paint it black.  Be okay with half the buttons being charcoal, the alternative (factory tan, factory gray or black paint of dubious durability) isn’t worth it.
• Consider re-using the bottom of the original’s casing, as it has a provision for a mounting screw. Or not, depending on what happens when it’s installed.
• Cut visor’s headlining material to allow for the extra buttons of the new part.
• Install into sun visor and plug-in factory wiring.
• Connect visor to in-car wiring and see if it works.  Fingers crossed. If it’s bricked, oh well…so was the factory part. And this looks cooler, right?
• Re-tuck visor’s headlining material, pulled back and messed up by my brilliant actions. Snap the visor “clam” shut again.
• Reinstall into car and program to the new garage door opener.
• In His Master’s Voice, consider what mean things to program in the recorder.

And with that, I hope you all will consider tackling an automotive project next Holiday. And share it with us, below.

When I saw this 1964 Mercury Park Lane convertible at the Ford and Mercury Restorers Club meet a few weeks ago, I immediately knew what it was. Actually that’s a fib. I didn’t actually realize exactly what car this was until I saw the informational panel laid out in front of the Merc. Then I knew immediately what it was. Earlier this year TTAC ran a post of mine about the car companies’ pavilions at the 1964-65 New York World’s Fair. The Detroit automakers went all out and Ford, working with Walt Disney’s team, came up with a novel way of exposing fair visitors to Ford and Mercury cars.

The Disney crew came up with what was branded the Magic Skyway. It was a continuous conveyor that carried 134 Ford and Mercury convertibles, plus a dozen of the earliest Mustang convertibles made (the Mustang was first introduced to the public on the day the fair opened, April 17, 1964). Families would hop into a Ford or Mercury and it would carry them past a series of dioramas that showed the ascent of man from the earth’s earliest history to highways in the sky. This ’64 Park Lane was one of those cars. While those early Mustangs are holy grailish for Mustang enthusiasts, this Mercury’s history also makes it a very unique car. Unique as in singular because it’s a “one of one” car in so many ways.

To begin with, it was ordered and built specifically for the ride at the World’s Fair. According to one account, it was the very first of the World’s Fair cars made. It was the only one of the NYWF Mercurys painted in “palamino”. 1964 was also Mercury’s 25th anniversary year so this was a special 25th Anniversary Edition. In addition to being equipped with a 380 CI V8 and an automatic transmission, it was built with every power, luxury and convenience option that Mercury offered on the car.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This exact car was photographed with Henry Ford II, Walt Disney and Robert Moses, the legendary NY politician who ran the fair. I believe that you can see it in this video at ~4:51 (the video’s color is not very good, that might be a red car).

This Park Lane also has unbroken provenance and it’s been owned by one family car new. Well, “new” is open to question because of the tens of thousands of people who rode in it at the Ford pavilion. After it was retired from service on the Magic Skyway when the fair closed, like many cars used for promotional purposes, the Park Lane ended up in Ford’s “B lot”, where employees could buy them as used cars. Adolph “AJ” Jedryczka worked for Ford engineering and bought the car for $2,500. His co-workers thought he was foolish. They joked about him driving a car that had been sat in by thousands of people’s behinds. Jedryczka paid them no heed, he and his wife loved the car. So did their daughter Virginia.

You can see the bracket used to attach the car to the Magic Skyway welded to the rear axle just inboard of the spring shackles.

AJ drove the car to work every day at Building 5 in Ford’s Dearborn engineering center until it was taken out of service in 1970. Six years sounds about right for the usable life of typical car back then. Still, the Jedryczka family knew it was a special car because instead of selling or scrapping it, they parked it in their garage. It still has the original engine, transmission and rear end so it’s a number’s matching car. Actually the rear end is important to establishing the car’s authenticity as it still has the special brackets that were welded to the World’s Fair cars so they could be anchored to the Magic Skyway.

After it was parked, it sat for 40 years. Virginia grew up and got married and two years ago she and her husband started to restore the Park Lane. The restored car had its debut at the Detroit Autorama earlier this year and, as you can see, the family is now displaying it at regional car shows, in one case taking the car back to its old haunts. A few weeks after the Ford & Mercury restorers’ meet, the Park Lane was the hit of a Ford employees’ car show held adjacent to Building 5 in Ford’s Dearborn engineering complex. It looks like there’s a large car show held every fall there in Queens so perhaps the Jedryczkas’ Park Lane will yet again ride in the mean streets of Flushing Meadows.

For more pics, visit Cars In Depth.

Ronnie Schreiber edits Cars In Depth, a realistic perspective on cars & car culture and the original 3D car site. If you found this post worthwhile, you can dig deeper at Cars In Depth. If the 3D thing freaks you out, don’t worry, all the photo and video players in use at the site have mono options. Thanks for reading – RJS

Joe writes:

Dear Sajeev,

It was a mild winter here in Minnesota, so it promises to be an early spring. And with spring comes the promise of new automotive projects. Right now we are in the pre-spring thinking and planning stages. Attached is a photo of my possible project. Some background would be helpful.

The car is a 1991 Mercury Colony Park. I purchased it in February of 2002 for the bargain price of $4,500. At the time it had 51,000 pampered miles. It had been rustproofed when new, and sat in a garage during every Minnesota winter. Not a hint of rust anywhere when I bought, and almost none at this time. It was purchased to pull a folding camper trailer. A $4,500 panther was a bargain compared to the cost of an SUV or other “modern” vehicle, and far more eye catching and unique. It ended up doing more than pulling a camper. It has been to Disney World 3 times, was displayed at Ford’s 2003 centennial celebration in Detroit, and has moved 2 kids off to college, along with countless camping trips and miscellaneous chores. As such, it has become a family heirloom and my wife and three daughters will not allow me to sell it.

It has 105,000 miles and remains quite stock except for the Keystone Klassics, some Bilstein shocks, and an aftermarket rear sway bar. Given its unique nature, and the fact that so few remain on the road in this type of exceptional condition, I want to keep the car looking and behaving as stock as possible, with the exception of the wheels and some more power. It needs some help under the hood. The stock 5.0 is what it is. The same basic engine could be found in a Mustang GT producing loads more fun. What would be your suggestion for extracting maximum fun from the basic platform that is here, while preserving the character of this final model year station wagon without spending boat loads of dollars and doing the work as a DIY project?

Despite my day job, I have very good mechanical skills. I have replaced head gaskets on a 3.8 litre 1993 Thunderbird, intakes on a 1996 Thunderbird, have completely refurbished the suspension, exhaust and external mechanicals on a 1979 Mazda RX-7 among many other projects.

It seems to me that a starting point would be cylinder heads and exhaust manifolds. What Mustang GT 5.0 litre bits will bolt onto the base 5.0? What about the engine control modules, something I have zero experience with, and what about transmission shift patterns.

Ultimately, I am looking for something that will never be raced, is not out to impress anyone but myself, but when I slide behind the wheel and put my foot into the throttle, it produces a kick in the backside like a 5.0 has the potential to provide.

Any thoughts on where to begin would be most helpful so that the spring planning session can get off the ground.

Regards,

Joe

Sajeev answers:

Thanks for your entertaining letter, Joe. And sorry for the delay in writing back, such is the way this Piston Slap thing works. But I love the Keystones on the Colony Park!

On the plus side, your query is very quick to answer.  On the minus side, you’re making me feel very, very old.  Because I (patting myself on the back) wrote one of the best 5.0HO (i.e. High Output) swap articles for Panthers.  It didn’t feel like this article is 8 years old until I googled it…and formally present it to you all right here.

The “regular” 5.0 in the Panthers (and my favorite Fox bodies) are pretty sluggish by today’s standards.  Plenty of off-the-line bump, and fuel economy better than most carb’d machines to boot. But converting to a 5.0HO from a 1987-93 Ford Mustang makes these 5.0s somewhat more appealing with no real downside. And, to your point, the HO swap is a period correct upgrade that anyone will appreciate.  So just do it.

When the stock 5.0HO’s 225 horsepower isn’t cutting it, slap on a set of aftermarket aluminum heads (watch for piston to valve clearance) and the biggest 5.0 Whipplecharger kit you can find. It will make your Panther fast enough for damn near anyone.

For the record, I did the 5.0HO swap over ten years ago to the vehicle that’s currently my TTAC avatar: a 1988 Cougar XR-7. It’s still running strong. Ish. But everyone (and I mean everyone) loves the sound of this 5.0HO coming up the street. It will do…until I find a deal on those aforementioned heads and supercharger.  Evil. Grin. ON!

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.

Francisco writes:

Dear Sajeev,

Regular reader here. To the matter at hand:

On a recent visit to Mexico, this Mariner was in front of me begging for a bad cellphone pic. Don’t get me wrong, after-market badge-upgraded cars are pretty common there, but this already badge-engineered Ford Explorer (Mercury Mariner – SM) badge-engineered once more to a “Lincoln Mariner 4wd V6″ was too ironic to let go. Please note the extra Lincoln badge thrown in for good measure on the dealer license plate cover. Make no mistake, it is a Lincoln.

I assumed that this would bring a smile and a chuckle to an ardent Ford guy like yourself. Hope you enjoy it and keep up the good work!

Best regards from Sweden,
Francisco

Sajeev answers:

Oh yes! How lovely it is to behold the splendiferousness that is Mexican Ford products. Even if this is a modification done by the owner. Obviously!

Now that Lincoln Mexico has more Lincoln-y products than the USA–dare I admit that I miss the Mark LT, since it was at least RWD with a V8–I’m glad the Lincoln line up expanded to older Mercury vehicles too.  It’s much like the South of the Border Ford’s rebranding of Mercury products like the Ford Grand Marquis…and of course the disturbingly cool Ford Cougar.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now that’s how you sell a car!

Ford Cougar = RAWR!

Por favor, let this Lincoln-Mercury Fanboi enjoy this moment. POR FAVOR! It’s nice to see that the Lincoln brand is loved enough to be rebranded on large and stately vehicles outside of the US.  And yes, the Mariner is a big time Lincoln-like machine compared to what most people drive down there.  And about the Mexican Mark LT…well, it’s still cooler than spending $60,000 (or whatever) for a Harley Davidson F-150.

And with that, today’s Damning With Faint Praise session ends.

If you worked on the 2010-2012 MKZ, I suspect you bit your tongue, did your job, cashed your paycheck and told your family how much they meant to you. This applies to the MKZ more than the re-skin of the MKS, MKX and the all-new MKT.  Or maybe working on such a half-hearted design isn’t so bad for a car designer, because job satisfaction is a relative term. That’s where fanbois who’ve lost their way get lost in their own thoughts.

I admit the 2010 re-skin of the Mazda-Ford-Lincoln MKZ shows better attention to detail than the original, witnessed in the chrome headlight surrounds, lower valence chrome trimming and in a somewhat expensive looking grille texture.  But do I care? And should you?
The MKR concept’s grilles harken back to Edsel Ford’s original Lincoln Continental, which was a lovely machine by anyone’s metric. Problem is, the wavy grille has absolutely no business on a modern-day production car with integrated fenders and a boxy, blocky-nosed front fascia.  Absolutely none, because you cannot possibly create the surface tension and excitement without Pre-War hood and fenders.  It looks half-baked, and even worse from other angles.

I usually adore a harmonious theme with attention to detail, but this time I am wrong.  Do not make your grille teeth emulate the shape of your corporate logo’s four-pointed star.  This makes the Continental star (yes, Continental) appear lost in this monstrosity of a grille.  Which says a lot, since this emblem isn’t exactly small.

Even though these headlights are far from cutting edge, lacking LEDs or some cool plastic design feature to create a beam for the turn signals, I like their clean look. It’s organized and honest.  Ditto the chrome trimming, which is very Lincoln-y.  Too bad the grille is starting to get looney from this vantage point, and only gets worse the farther you step back.

Yup, it looks silly.  The grille is completely out of proportion.  How I long for the Mercury Milan! On the plus side, you might spot my daily driver in the background.

Lincoln-Mercury fanbois may be few and far between, but at least we can cry our pathetic hearts out on some respectable machines from yesteryear. My car was recently mistaken for a new Lincoln; the bystander remarked, “I didn’t know they still put the tire hump on new Lincolns!“  How disappointed she was when I said my 17-year-old Lincoln is just a footnote in history!

And footnotes are regularly overlooked, as history isn’t as important as brand synergies and sheet metal interchangeability. But you can’t put a 1940 Continental-style grille on a Mazda 6.  It’s a fool’s errand: the rest of the body’s hard-edged and blocky lines beg for a Milan waterfall grille or the razor blade treatment of the Fusion.

While this is a pretty design feature, the projector beam fog light looks outdated.  Certainly the 2013 replacement shall fare better. But this is proof that the MKZ is aging poorly, and that its replacement can’t come soon enough.

Thanks for telling me this is a “Lincoln”, I thought this was a Ford Fusion. Because I didn’t know what the emblem stood for.  Smart ass snark aside, this hub cap would look so much better without the lettering. Luxury cars don’t need to advertise…at least not here.

Nor should they advertise here.  Beginning with the Mark LT, Lincoln believes that the road to success is built on bricks of bling.  While the fender, door and A-pillar meet in a fairly elegant manner, this fake vent/over promoted ad campaign isn’t working. Thank goodness the 2013 model wisely avoided this cheap mistake.

The wonderful thing about black paint is that it makes everything looks better. The boring side view looks less like a Fusion and more like a nice blank canvas for the chrome bits. The subtle creases down at the rocker panels below are nice enough. The slight bit of tension near the door handles sweeps back to the tail lights in a somewhat elegant manner.  But the FWD proportions, high belt line and not-unique chassis hard points are a miserable failure. This is where I go on another rant about badge engineering, Panther Love and how badly this brand has lost its way.

Yeah, yeah, there’s a new 2013 model on its way. But has everyone moved on?  Conquest buyers have at least a decade’s worth of bitter taste from mundane and out-of-date Lincolns in their mouths. The ones that are still waiting for a truly good Lincoln…well, they are certainly more patient than yours truly.

Take the keyless entry keypad: originally introduced on the Panther (1980) and Fox body (1982) Lincolns, they were a stunning bit of engineering wrapped in an understated, flush mount aluminum panel against the window. The buttons were clear with black bottom…they were an infinity pool to today’s McMansion of a building on an MKZ’s door. Thank goodness the MKS/MKT kept the keypad dream alive, with a flush mount B-pillar design that pays homage to the 1980 original.

It’s bad enough that Lincoln threw a keypad on a Fusion door, but the chrome Fusion handle and silly round relief do not a luxury car make.

The chrome skullcap on a Fusion mirror is fine…I guess.  The big problem is the texture on the plastic base.  It looks cheap, which is reinforced if you are foolish enough to drag your fingernail across it. Cheap, cheap, cheap!

And the worst part: DLO FAIL.  Plastic triangles on a Lincoln are bad enough, but the chrome trimming on said triangle makes me long for a Lincoln Versailles. That was a horrible re-think of the Lincoln brand, but these days the flaws seem less egregious. A daylight opening is crucial to the image of a premium vehicle, and this is just, well…I don’t want drop any more profanities on TTAC.  This Lincoln-Mercury fanboi is just not in the mood, son.

Who in their right mind thought this DLO FAIL was acceptable? Does anyone wonder why Lexus gobbled up Lincoln’s market share?

I once thought that Continental Kits on the backs of Lincolns was more than a bit silly, even though I truly loved them.  But, now more than ever, Lincoln needs an authoritative brand statement.  Something that’s a brash, proud F.U. to the rest of the motoring world.  While Lincoln’s 2013 design language isn’t this shameful, it also lacks that Continental Kit soul. At least in the photos, I guess.

Tall, boxy and clumsy just like any other family sedan.  This isn’t a Lincoln, even if the 2010 redesign adds more upscale looking tail lights and a daring swoop between the bumper and the quarter panel.  The swoop complements the beginning of the tail light, and cuts down hard enough to make the entire decklid look like a Bangle Butt from the heyday of the infamous Chris Bangle designs at BMW. That bumper might be the most interesting, most appealing part in the MKZ’s portfolio of lines. And for that, kudos to the design team.

Except for the little black plastic triangle of DLO FAIL, this is quite an appealing angle.  Too bad the Mercury Milan was much cheaper, had no DLO FAIL and was never too big for its britches.  Simply put, FoMoCo killed the wrong vehicle: a $25,000 Lincoln Milan is a far more appealing proposition.

Notice how the Continental star isn’t lost in these tail lights, like it is in the grille.  And these lenses aren’t exactly small.

Last week’s Volkswagen CC had a clever trunk trick: that whip hid other design features under a flush-mount vee-dub emblem. The MKZ, on the other hand, places an afterthought camera against an afterthought emblem.  But perhaps that remark isn’t clear yet…

Note the thickness of the emblem.  Also note how the word “tacky” isn’t out of bounds.  Why isn’t this badge countersunk like the tail lights?  You already know the answer, and that’s why Lincoln is a brand on life support.

Yup, that’s an afterthought exposed trunk lock on a $35,000 luxury sedan that’s supposed to compete with the Lexus ES. The off-center location and chintzy grommet(?) surround is totally okay on a Ford or Mercury…you know where I’m going with this. One company did a good job up-rating their family sedan into a luxobarge, and another never figured it out. And the sales figures prove it.

On name alone, the MKZ’s death can’t come soon enough. Even if 2013 is a brand new day for Lincoln, this fanboi has a hard time seeing the silver lining in that Lexus ES-shaped thundercloud. I’ll be ready if and when Lincoln joins Mercury in a tragic, star-crossed fate.

TTAC commentator DougD writes:

Hi Sajeev,

I put the snowtires on Dad’s 2007 Kia Rondo yesterday, and right on cue we’ve got snow today. While we worked we talked about cars, of course. My parents are in their mid 70′s, Dad bought the Rondo new and there’s a lot to like about it. Upright seating, good ingress for seniors, easy to park in the condo parking spot. It’s been reliable and still looks good, so the Rondo’s held up well.

Unfortunately Mom hasn’t held up quite as well as the Rondo. She’s got some back problems now and finds that the Rondo’s so-so seats, jouncy ride and boomy interior make it a literal pain to be in for more than short trips.

Ideally they’d like to replace it with something that combines the Rondo’s good points with great seats and a serene, quiet ride. They drive about 15,000 miles a year including the 900 mile trip to Myrtle beach each fall. All options are open from something new to a couple of years used.

What should they be looking at? I really have no idea since their wish list is pretty different from my own, but I guess this is the demographic that buys new cars.

Really enjoying your column.

Steve Answers:

It all depends on the size and the spaciousness they seek.

For a small ride with a bit of cushiness, I would test drive a Buick Verano. It seems to be the one small vehicle these days with Rondo like proportions that can provide your folks with a luxurious ride.

To be frank, the small ‘luxury’ car market has struggled for eons on end. From 1990′s Dynastys and Skylarks, to 1980′s Cimarrons and Sevilles. It’s very hard to build this segment into something sustainable for most automakers. The choices in this segment are just slim due to a lack of interest in ‘small’ luxury.

So if they’re willing to consider a midsize, I would opt for a gussied up prior gen Camry or a Lexus ES350. Both cars have rides that are like marshmallows with handling that is direct and easy. They are also the two most popular retiree vehicles I see in West Palm Beach.

Mature folks love these cars.Easy to drive. Soft. Nothing to worry about. It may not be your ideal. But for those who wish to simply go on a magic carpet to their favorite retiree villa, they are optimal vehicles.

Sajeev answers:

You people are quite literally torturing me!  How can I not recommend Panther Love in this case?

I will stop pigeonholing myself. I like Steve’s recommendation of a Buick Verano, even if I’ve never even seen one, much less driven it to know its worth the depreciation.  But the baby Buick reminds me of my time in a Camry LE on a business trip to Long Island, NY.  While I quite enjoy the stealthiness of the SE, the LE earned a bit of respect for its ability to absolutely obliterate bumps and smooth out a long hike down the Interstate.  It made a hectic commute much less so. If I had a bad back…you see my point.

Granted it lacked the isolation of a Panther in the same circumstances, but they are more common, easier to park, easier on fuel and perform well enough compared to a Rondo.  The ride is heavenly for someone like your Mom, it is the best in its class. So do it, go for a 2007-2011 Toyota Camry LE.

Need help with a car buying conundrum? Email your particulars to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com , and let TTAC’s collective wisdom make the decision easier… or possibly much, much harder.

TTAC Commentator cc-rider writes:

Hi Sajeev- Happy New Year.  A local 2003 Marauder popped up next to me for a very nice price.  It is a one-owner car with 113k.  I spoke to the owner and it just needs a bit of cosmetic work.  The grill is busted up a little bit.  He bought a new car and wants to unload the Marauder before the new one comes.  He has it listed for $4995.  It seems way underpriced by me from what I have seen.  It seems that the going rate would be more like 8-9k at least.

Do you have any feeling for what the market is for these cars?  I am tempted to pick it up, give it a once over with my porter cable buffer, and list it on eBay.

Sajeev answers:

Smells fishy!  I hopped onto the online Manheim auctions to see what the current crop of Marauders are doing, and yes, it’s a fair bet this one is possibly 2-5 grand under retail.  If it could be reconditioned well enough to be classified as “very good condition”, of course.

Which this one is most certainly not. Maybe the grille only needs to be replaced, or probably that’s the tip of the iceberg.  A good indication of a decent vehicle–that needs a little TLC for maximum profit–is to check the interior, namely the leather seats and vinyl bits.  Cracks or tears? You don’t want to replace them, it will kill your profit margin. Luckily these Panthers are a far cry from the upscale trimmings of the “Fat Panthers” of the mid 1990s, so they can handle abuse and still clean up quite well.

Another good indication?  Accident damage.  If there’s any sign of frame, fender aprons or any other portion of the crumple zones receiving repair, walk away.

Usually a vehicle needing a quick sale, usually being sold at a “retail-like” number such as anything ending in “95” gives me plenty of pause.  This could very well be the work of a curbstoner.

Good luck with your further research into this one: I bet you won’t like what you see. Furthermore, you better pull an Odysseus and tie yourself to something when you see this Panther, as its Siren song might be rather alluring…but I am pretty sure you want none of it.

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com . Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.

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Scott writes:

I am a regular TTAC reader and have a question that I hope you can shed some light on. Currently my wife and I own a 2004 Accord with about 100,000 miles and in good shape and a 1993 Grand Marquis with about 90,000 miles which is also in good shape for its age – according to my mechanic we can get at least two more years with basic maintenance. I commute to work in the G. Marquis every day about 50 miles round trip and my wife put 15-20,000 miles per year on the Accord for her job (her Gas is reimbursed at 50 cents / mile).

My wife wants a new car (SUV-we’re thinking FLEX) and I would get the Accord thinking we move up in fleet reliability with more room to tote around a toddler, a large dog, and related items. The Accord has trade in value ($8,500 – $9,500 according to KBB) and the G. Marquis does not ($875-$1,100 according to KBB).

I think it makes more sense to keep the Grand Marquis as long as we can and trade in the Honda considering its value. My wife disagrees. What do you think?

Sajeev Answers:

Your wife probably hates your car. Which obviously breaks my heart.

And takes me down memory lane: years ago I told my girlfriend that I’d love her far more if she bought a new Mercury Grand Marquis (MGM) for the same price as the compacts she wanted. And since she restricted herself to USA-only brands, she wasn’t looking at the fun, refined and cheerful little shitboxes! I forced her to sit in an ice blue MGM, looking ready to knee me in the crotch. Needless to say, Panther Love foretold of a short and painful relationship that time ‘round.

So anyway…your lady needs to wake up and smell the Panther Love. If not for Love, for Money.

Panther’s are not terribly valuable on public perception alone, justified and otherwise. Their resale isn’t great in the dealer trade-in market, either. Craigslist will get you a few more bucks, but the Accord is the one for the money. And who knows, you might be one of the “lucky” folks with a grenaded Honda transaxle, especially if this is a V6 model. Not that an early 90’s MGM is the symbol of mechanical perfection, but worn valve seals (at well over 100k) and any other malady that comes from old age is probably no big thang. That’s mostly because I trust your assessment, and the word of your local wrench.

So if I can trust you, why can’t your wife? Did I just go there?

Because that’s what I would throw back at her, to see if she’s gonna play ball. I just think she wants to keep the Accord over the MGM, dollar saving be damned. Considering your next ride will be very similar to the configuration/layout of the Honda, the MGM is both a better value and a fantastic way to spice up the action in your garage. Provided your wife is more automotively-forgiving than my ex.

If that’s what you really want. Back to you, Best and Brightest.

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com . Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.

TTAC Commentator SupremeBrougham writes:

Hey Sajeev, out of the blue a man calls me up and makes me an offer to take my Chevy HHR off my hands. I made a counter-offer and the deal was done. Hooray, no more car payments, I’ll just keep and drive the Mystique!

But, as luck would have it, the Mystique decided that it didn’t want to run anymore, so I had to have it towed to my local independent shop, and it’s been sitting there for a while. It turns out that the main wiring harness under the hood has disintegrated and needs to be replaced. He has tried calling a number of junkyards and he said they all laughed at him, and said they all cut the harnesses when removing the engines on junk cars, so none are available. At the dealer, they quoted him a price of ~$800 for a new one! He told me that he is going to try and see if he can salvage enough wiring under the hood to try and reconnect the ends together so that the car will run again. Also, I’ve tried looking online for this part but I haven’t had any luck.

So now I am stuck with no car (though thankfully my parents have been kind enough to loan me one of theirs) and I don’t know what to do. Some folks have suggested rather strongly that I need to sell it and buy another car, while others have said just cough up the $$$ and get it fixed.

I would prefer to keep the car, as I rather like it. Despite the fact that it’s almost seventeen years old, and has some rather dried-out leather inside, the body is in very good shape (thank you Ziebart!), and it still has that wonderful suspension that makes it such a joy to drive.

I did decide to go and look at cars today, but here in my neck of the woods (Northeast lower Michigan), most of what’s out there in the price range I’d like to stay in ($10000 max OTD) has LOTS of miles and is worn out! Yes, I could afford to spend a good deal more, but I do not want to. Today I looked at some Ford Focus models, a Honda Civic and a Chrysler PT Cruiser. Part of me really wants a Ford Fusion, but they are way over priced up here these days. Plus, it’s just me, so I don’t need a large car. I have been driving my mom’s ’05 Mercury Sable, and while very nice, it just seems like too much car for me. Also, gas just went to well over $4/gal. here, so mid-20′s mpg is not acceptable anymore.

So here is my quandary…Should I just get the Mystique fixed and hope for the best that the repairs will last for a while, or sell it quickly (which I don’t think would be a problem) and buy something else? And, if so, what?  I liked the Civic, even though it was over my self-imposed budget, but then I was reminded that no mechanic up where I live will touch a “foreign car”, and the closest import dealers are ~75 miles away. The idea of a PT Cruiser is appealing in that it has the higher H-point that would help me when getting in and out (bad knee), and the extra cargo space would be nice. And, they are cheap! The Focus also has the higher H-point, but a lot of them have lots of miles and a high price tag?

PS, for my contribution to Panther Love, I have already put in my request for Grandma and Grandpa’s 1991 Town Car Cartier to be left to me in the will one day, so that future problem should be solved. ;-)

Sajeev answers:

You like the Mystique, but are you a regular member of Contour.org?  You better be, otherwise owning Mercury’s finest Mistake at this age will drive you nuts.  That said, I am the Super Moderator (yes, really) of LincolnsOnline.com and my Mark VIII still drives me bonkers at times. There’s no easy answer for people who value their time over the repairs needed to keep an old car at 100% functionality, but the forums do help you make local friends that give you access to parts, labor for the cost of pizza and beer, etc.

If you can’t budget 1-5 hours a week on the forums (at least initially) for the next month or so, it’s time to sell the Mystique.  Buy that PT Cruiser, and sell it when the Cartier Town Car arrives in your garage. If you can stomach the Mystique’s, ummm, mechanical mystique: get that new wiring harness (or have the mechanic fix it) and you can save money using the forum’s hook ups later.

Good luck getting the Panther Love that you so truly deserve. The best of Ford USA and Ford Europe in the same garage is nothing to sneeze at.

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.