Readers may recall that my previous review of the Subaru Tribeca described the SUV’s front end as a flying vagina. Shortly after this aesthetic assessment hit the web, the San Francisco Chronicle canceled my regular reviews. Both Subaru and BMW banned The Truth About Cars from their press cars. While the column is history and the ban remains, Subaru got the message. The new Tribeca’s front end looks nothing like airborne pudenda, and everything like a Chrysler Pacifica.
Subaru deserves props for abandoning the only automotive design capable of making a Pontiac Aztek look like a mistake (rather than an affront). But patterning the Tribeca’s snout after the prow of Chrysler’s bilious station-wagon-on-stilts is yet another mysterious miscalculation. While the Tribeca’s new nose is as innocuous as the previous one was pervy, why would Subie want potential customers to mistake its SUV for a failed product from a struggling American automaker?
At least the sanitization of the Tribeca’s Area 51-themed rear end leaves the Subaru’s butt looking like the posterior parts of the entirely successful (if now dated) Lexus RX. It's a distinctly upscale makeover compared the Tribeca’s side profile, which is now a dead ringer for the Toyota RAV4. Put it together and what have you got? Something deeply derivative and wildly innocuous with about as much Subaru brand DNA as Japanese knotweed.
The Tribeca’s interior carries over from the previous version; it’s still swoopy in a vaguely nauseating sort of way, adorned with the same flat silver plastic that Revell uses to give their model airplane wings their trademark sheen. The cowled instruments make no sense in this application, aside from diverting your eyes from the over-sized, ‘70’s-style digital readouts hovering inside the climate control knobs. On the positive side, tweaking the Tribeca's stereo’s mid-range and treble controls delivers serious tuneage.
The Tribeca’s seats offer about as much lateral support as a Sit-‘N-Spin, with the extra disadvantage of a steering wheel that doesn’t adjust for reach. And if you’re thinking about using the Tribeca’s third row for anything other than the kiddies’ stuffed animals, it’s best not to mention the middle row’s fore and aft adjustment to sugar-crazed siblings.
Getting the “old” Tribeca to move out of its own way was like asking an inceberg to dance. Given the previous engine’s impolite appetite for premium fuel, there wasn’t much Subaru could do to rectify the Tribeca’s sloth. So they didn’t do much. They modified the existing H6 engine package to run on regular, added variable valve timing to the exhaust valves and fitted a shortened conrod. Voila! The Tribeca’s powerplant grows from 3.0-liters to 3.6-liters, increasing power by 11 horses (to 256hp) and adding 32 ft-lbs. of torque (up to 247 ft.-lbs.).
Factoring the Tribeca’s 4250 lbs. curb weight, the SUV's gone from woefully slow to a kinda slow. Unfortunately the Tribeca still has a prodigious thirst for dead dinoflagellates. Call me carbon positive, but I reckon a SUV whose city mileage struggles to hit sweet 16 is OK if it accommodates seven genuine people and/or holsters a bad-ass V8. Otherwise, not.
More productively, Subaru took another bash at the Tribeca’s five-speed autobox, whose previous unwillingness to shift would test the patience of an opium addled Maharishi. Although shifts are noticeably faster and smoother, the engine now sounds like your mother’s old Hoover. Worse, the Tribeca’s slushbox remains obstinate on inclines, holding onto higher gears as if the lower ones didn’t exist.
The steering is equally unresponsive, with enough slop to feed a large family of pigs. But Subaru’s tweaks to the Tribeca’s rear suspension are easily the worst part of the car’s less than stellar driving dynamics. Not only does every lump and bump send a muffled shudder through the otherwise serene cabin, but it all goes seriously wrong over badly broken pavement.
On anything less than a smooth surface, the Tribeca’s newly recalibrated suspension’s rebound rate fails to catch up with even a minor series of horizontal jolts. I don’t know exactly what Subie’s boffins did to the Tribeca’s front McPherson struts and rear wishbone, but the result is so uncomfortable I actually began to feel carsick. No wonder Subaru removed the “B9” designation from the model’s moniker.
For an automaker famous for creating cars that can carve-up a country road and leave it for dead, a company that advertised its car-based models as SUV alternatives, Subie's SUV is an unabashed and unforgivable brand betrayal. The only real question is when the company will "face" the fact that shooting the messenger doesn't alter the truth: you can't make a silk SUV out of sow's ear or, you know, whatever.
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Chrysler/Cerebrus should mount a “cease and desist” order against Subaru using its “flying wing” grills on this and the Impreza. We really don’t need to see anymore of that stuff. It’s really hard to say whether it’s an improvement over the previous grills (which I dubbed “Hitler’s Moustache” — I know a girl with an ‘06 Impreza; “Flying Vagina” would really put me in the doghouse)
My automotive taste may be weirder than I previously thought, but I actually found and find the Tribeca to be one of the best-looking SUVs.
Many SUVs try to look paricularly mean, rugged, and imposing. The Tribeca, by contrast, tried and tries to resemble more of a “normal” car, without the flash and the bling and the cartoonish design cues of the competition.
@ the author: they cancelled your weekly column because of what? the word “vagina”?? or did you, in addition to using that word in a car review, insult the chief editor´s wife or something like that? ;)
I snicker every time I see one of those on the roads, whether it’s the new one or the old one. Why on earth would you get one of these rather than a Legacy wagon or outback?
When looking at a picture of the interior recently, it just seemed odd to me. As I pondered the pic, I was unable to come up with an apt description of how I was feeling. You’ve crystallized my muddled feelings perfectly…
The Tribeca’s interior carries over from the previous version; it’s still swoopy in a vaguely nauseating sort of way…
Brilliant!
The SF Chronicle canned me for the Tribeca review, under pressure from local Subaru dealers.
Robert, If there was ever a newspaper/market to get canned from for mentioning the word ‘vagina’ in (gasp), it would be the SanFrancisco market. Maybe you should have made a reference to “boner-like styling” instead; that would have got their (or brought them to) attention.
It’s crystal clear now. All Al-Qaeda has to do to inflict terror on SF is drive a sign-truck around with “VAGINA!!!” on it.
Robert is spot-on regarding the interior-looks like a dashboard seen in a funhouse mirror!
[quote]The SF Chronicle canned me for the Tribeca review, under pressure form local Subaru dealers.[/quote]
Wow, that´s annoying. And a little scary, perhaps….
What was that old proverb again? “Only tell the truth to people who are worthy of it”?
Anyway, keep up the good work :)
The front end of the new Tribeca almost makes me like the original. The light/grill/sheetmetal proportions were better, even if it was ugly as sin.
16mpg and a tiny 3rd row? Its GMC Acadia time.
My Uncle bought one of the B9 models. The car looks like an alien and rides worse.
It’s amazing to me how far off the mark Subie is on this vehicle. They got so much wrong and so little right, you’d think they were worshiping at the alter of GM. I had been really impressed with Subaru as of late, but this monstrosity makes me wonder if they really are in tune with their raison d’être.
I will respectfully disagree with you on the interior. I find it a lot classier looking than most.
Other than that, the Tribeca has always seemed “wrong” to me. Subaru’s raison d’etre was to show the world how useless big and heavy SUVs actually were… Then they built one to really prove it.
The Outback is better in every way.
Initial disclosure: I treasure and love Subaru, the company and most of their products, more than I love my family and home. I can’t help it.
However, I agree that the Tribeca is something of a disaster (Certainly the previous model). For starters, it’s off-brand as one of the main appeal of a Subaru was that they didn’t offer a big gas-guzzling SUV but still provided bad-weather capability and outdoorsiness. Another thing – blech-worthy outside styling and the interior made me feel like I was in a Sci-Fi movie when I sat in one at the auto show. No thanks. Therefore:
Flying Vagina? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh man!
Also, the only thing I love more than Subaru is the First Amendment, and that was pretty lame how you got the boot, however I recognize that for the most part the auto review business is one of unbridled blind promotion and gentle criticism, even of bad cars, to keep the automakers happy and the writers employed. Whatever though, no decent newspaper should ever cave to the pressure of interested parties like that.
Just after I turned 17, I left my home in rural Ohio for the bright lights of Manhattan. I was so naive back then, that I thought “TRIangle BElow CAnal” was a sophisticated way of saying vagina.
Odd coincidence.
Ironic that the major newspaper from one of the most “tolerant” cities in the U.S. fired you for using the word vagina…
Spot on review for the Tribeca. I haven’t found any value in it since it’s debut. I think the fact that it’s muddled Subaru’s brand DNA is the least of it’s problems. Styling (or the lack thereof) and efficiency being the two greatest issues it faces.
I actually had a co-worker ask if it was worth considering. She’s married, no kids (one dog). I asked why she wouldn’t consider the Outback or Legacy GT instead? “I REALLY like the styling on the Tribeca,” she said.
Proof positive that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…
Why does this vehicle even exist, indeed. And I’ll second whoever said that it was Acadia time with that sort of gas mileage. But I do like the looks better than the original… it’s like a Pacifica, but a less squat and chubby one.
God forbid Toyota takes over Subaru. Then there will be no less than six of these, all geared towards various niche outdoorsy-type groups.
It was interesting that Robert mentioned the hideous in-town gas mileage as being so terrible when their salesmen are touting the SUV as one with good gas mileage. At least, that’s what they are trying to do last I talked to a Subaru salesman about one. It smelled suspiciously of BS and the aforementioned 17mpg in town is only slightly better than a Suburban weighing a huge amount more. They weren’t just worshipping at the altar of GM with this one, they let GM best them in the SUV making department. They should drop it like a bad habit and focus on their core market rather than trying to further obfuscate their brand. Sadly, the first failure wasn’t bad enough so they have headed back into the ring for round two. Isn’t insanity defined as trying the same thing time and again but expecting different results each time?
I want to like Subarus, I really do. They’ve always had such a quirky charm from the get-go (well, the Tribeca is awful looking so I guess that proves the rule!) So, why do Subarus get such horrid gas mileage?
I had an Outback wagon that could never get better than 23mpg on the highway – I get the same (or better) highway mileage in my 6 litre LS2 engined GTO. My BMW 330 gets 30mpg on the highway. Can’t they get better efficiencies from the pancake engine?
I think Toyota are intelligent enough to leave Subaru to do what Subaru does well. Let’s not forget, please, who owned part of Subaru when they developed this THING of a so-called crossover SUV. It was General Messup.
So I can’t fathom why people are dissing Toyota when Toyota’s only stabilized Subaru’s finances and are increasing utilization of an underused plant in Indiana (which Subie used to “share” with another ex-GM cast-off, now near dead – Isuzu).
The problem Subaru is trying to solve by selling the Tribeca is that Subaru’s customers need bigger cars and are leaving the marque when they realize they don’t exist.
Subaru needs to:
- benchmark a Nissan Murano for the next Tribeca. The Murano is what the Tribeca should have been (more or less).
- increase interior space in the next Legacy/Outback. The Accord sedan has more rear legroom than the Outback, which is incredibly sad.
- maybe drive a Passat. The base Passat has more room and is wonderful to drive, both unlike a base Outback.
The Honda Civic GX uses Dinoflagellates, the Tribeca uses Dinofesterates.
Subbie seems to have brain-spasms everytime they try to go mainstream with a product.
I bought my Mother an Outback. It is like flipping-the-bird at lake-effect snow.
Too bad Subaru couldn’t have just sucked it up and lived with Robert’s first look at the Tribeca considering how most of their other cars have gotten generally positive reviews on this site.
RF, props to you for the sit-n-spin reference.
As Ive said before, Subaru really only recently scored a few “hits” with tasteful designs. The legacy and a couple incarnations of the impreza are all they really have nailed down in what is mostly a string of really wacky designs. Even among those rare tasteful models, they mangled a few refresh jobs.
My contention here is that Subaru really hasnt hit a stride yet and that helps put vehicle offerings like the Tribeca in perspective. Unfortunately, it doesnt change the reality that this new and improved B9 is severely outclassed by the Legacy and the Outbacks on the Subaru lot.
Having just picked up a Legacy sedan a few days ago, I’m impressed. Im getting 30mpg so the flat fours can deliver. Considering the tribeca looks slightly more appealing now, with the awful MPG, not a chance.
Robert, How did you get extricated from BMW releases? This was the first I time I got the straight scoop on the loving, tolerant, accepting, anything goes, laissez-fair (just so long as you don’t say vagina) SF Chronicle in the Bay area. Reminds me of what Colonel Jessup (Nicholson) said about the truth.
If Subaru wants to compete with SUVs, why not offer the Forester with the low-range transfer case that they’ve had in non-US markets in the past?
All Subaru’s get poor milage compared to there competitors offerings. I think it is mostly due to their fulltime AWD rather than just the engines not being efficient. Most of the competition use an on-demand electroniclly controlled differential which makes them more efficient since they aren’t always giving power to all 4 wheels. In our Legacy GT we regularly see 15.5 in the city and 24-25 on the highway. But I have gotten over 30 mpg on the highway if I keep it under 70, not easy in a car that I can barely keep under 100.
socsndaisy is correct about Subaru’s hit or miss styling over the last 10 years. They need to stick with a unifying theme and stick with it at least until the generation of the model is over, not constantly changing stuff mid cycle like they have. I actually like the “flying vagina” and aero styling of the previous generation cars compared to what is coming/here. I could think of a lot worse things on the front of my car than a vagina, like this Pacifica looking crap. Has anyone seen the styling of the next Impreza/WRX, horrible, it looks like a 2004 Pontiac GTO and that thing was UGLY. Guess I wont be buying a new WRX like I had planned, maybe an old one with some vag up front.
Can anyone explain way the Tribeca is almost 1000 lbs heavier then the Legacy/Outback platform it’s based off of? I know the flat 6 weights more, has extra(useless) seats more sheetmetal and glass, but 1000 lbs, pathetic.
The anti-SUV from the brand that said they would never build an SUV, what is the world coming too.
So. The SF Chronicle doesn’t like the truth in their car reviews, eh? Makes you wonder about the front page now, doesn’t it.
Geez, as a long-time SFer I am shocked that the local Soobie dealers thought the vagina remark was a “bad thing.” My informal observations seem to indicate a high number of gay women (and men) driving Subarus. Subaru even runs gay-positive ads on the gay-oriented Logo cable channel. Talk about being out-of-touch…
Years ago, the ‘58 Edsel “horse collar” grille was thought to have vaginal influences, but the wits of that age referred to it as looking “like an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon.”
You know I sort of think of the old edsel or even of a studabaker when I see the previous Tribeca
Has anyone seen Subaru Outback ads (with or without Crocodile Dundee) giving some compelling reasons to not buy an SUV? They then turnaround and offer one… Sheesh.
Another Subaru bigot here who is mystified by the Tribeca. The whole thing seems contrived, even the name.
I like what Honda did with the Pilot. They basically took the design of the successful Cute-ute CRV and upsized it. If Subaru had done the same with the Forester, I think they’d have had a better vehicle. Although some find the Forester ugly, I think the updated body style (03-up) is quite attractive and very unique. In these days when you can’t tell a CRV from a RAV4 from a Highlander, it’s significant that Subie still has some of that quirky style that’s put them in their market niche.
As for MPG, I got 22-24 in the city and 28-29 on the highway in my ‘99 Outback without too much effort, which I think is pretty reasonable for a fairly heavy AWD wagon. 17 in the city is ridiculous: My 4×4 Tacoma (with a V-6) does better than that.
Funny that CO is Subie Central, and yet I very rarely see a Tribeca on the road. If I were to guess I’d say the ratio of Tribecas to Legacy/Impreza/Forester is something like 1:50 or worse. That the Subie-lovers of Colorado have dissed the Tribeca should tell you everything you need to know about it.
How much influence did GM have at the time the 1st generation Tribeca was designed. Maybe they are the reason the ‘SUV’ exists, pushing Subaru to develop something they weren’t interested in making while under the GM umbrella.
It sounds like it from all the flub ups in the product. Can’t make a great SUV if your not passionate about the segment to begin with.
This is a beautiful Chrysler mini-van. Did you perhaps out the wrong photos with the article?
I just don’t the see the point with the Tribeca at all. I bet they are losing a lot of money on it too. The reason they are persisting with it might be one of those tragic sunken cost dilemmas. From what I see, dealers in my area are discounting them really heavy with more than $8k off MSRP. I have know people buying 2007s with more than $10k off the list. That’s in the Detroit 2.8-land. And on the used market, they are getting hammered too. I hope this debacle does not bring down the company we all loved. Stop the insanity and kill it, NOW! Please, Subaru.
Wow… the tribeca is sad. My folks got a new Outlook and the DOHC gets 17-18mpg average with 270-some HP, and AWD. Oh yeah, and it weighs 4900lbs… Best of all the 3rd row seating is actually usable.
Entertaining to read as always. Thank you.
I would fault Subaru for this design much more than the previous version. They have somewhat of a track record of producing “quirky” styling. Yeah, they took a styling risk and failed badly, but at least they took a risk, which is more than can be said for most automakers. If it was a great car in every other way people may have come to love it. Instead, it seems they spent most of the money vanilla-ing it up rather than making up for the various other shortcomings.
Yikes. From the first image, it looks like a cross between a Pacifica and a Suzuki Vitara.
Finding out about the canning from the newspaper under dealer pressure finally turned me from a lurker to a user.
I had to go back and look at pics of the old B9 (benign? more like malignant) design just to see if the whole vagina thing holds up. Not seeing it, really, but hey. Looks more like a pig snout after a bit of the ol’ Dirty Sanchez, but to each his own. I can see why Subaru chose to redesign it, though. What I don’t get is how they could’ve left that horrible, horrible interior intact. Yeah, the exterior was off a bit, but the inside of the thing just makes you feel like you’re in the cockpit of Bozo’s private jet. HUUURRRRRLLLLLLL!
RF, you always are on the top of your game when it comes to reviewing Subies. I laughed so often and so hard when reading this review, I snorted my latte.
Not sure why Subaru went the SUV route either. The Forester, Outback (wagon), Legacy sedan and Impreza are all awesome enough with their AWD.
You cannot imagine how glad I am that I don’t need to ever consider this vehicle, or any of it’s competition. I am sure I would be driving around in tears.
As an unabashed owner of an Aztek, I say don’t mention this pig and the beloved Az in the same sentence again.
16 mpg is 6 less than I get in town in weather above + 20F. For some reason, I can’t get above 20mpg in town when the weather’s below 20F. My very worst so far has been 17.9 in below-zero weather–still 12% better than this junker at normal temp.
My old ‘91 Grand Caravan AWD got mileage that bad when it had 170K+ miles and one misfiring spark plug. Superior Japanese Engineering, my ass!!
I’m concerned with the direction of Subaru’s styling. I love the reliability of the brand but also the uniqueness of their look. This trend towards mass appeal and unoffensive styling is very concerning to me.
What’s funny is when I saw the pic for the review I seriously thought to myself “why is there a picture of a pacifica for the tribeca review?” I actually remained confused until I read the line about the restyling. Weird choices they’re making over there. I would imagine the tribeca dept. is completely separate and has nothing to do with any of their other car’s departments. Time to do some firin’!
The communist, politically correct censorship tendencies on the part of the SF Chronicle (no surprise) as well as the thin-skinned girlie-men Subaru dealerships, and the wannabe yuppie-larvae-infested BMW (a.k.a. “Break My Wallet”) dealerships in the area has prompted me to ask two questions:
1) Where are we going?
2) Why are we in a handbasket?
B.T.W. – Give ‘em HELL, Robert!!! Those sanctimonious rear-ends need a dose of the truth every now and then – In their case, you should quadruple the dosage…
Fans of the female anatomy can relax. They may have taken away the “flying v” grille, but at least they left the fallopian tube dashboard.
Often I think that if Alice Roosevelt were still alive and interested in cars she would love TTAC. It seems that TTAC has adopted her philosophy and to paraphrase it, “If you can’t say something nice about a car, post it on TTAC.”
But then, that’s why I love TTAC.
In respect to the previous iteration of the Tribeca, Mr. Farago should have received a consulting fee from Subaru, rather than a canning from the SF Chronicle. I suppose that’s the price of honesty in today’s business world.
You did the company a favor by pointing out a costly styling error that should have been caught long before it went into production. I have to wonder how much money Subaru lost by making this mistake.
I’m sure that they were borrowing from a horrible misinterpretation of Alfa’s styling cues. (See the link below.) But now it seems they’ve moved on to an even lesser role model. Emulating the looks of a builder of rental cars isn’t an example of playing your best card in your hand.
Subaru’s niche remains small in part because it lacks a unifying styling theme for its products that would create linkage between them. It would help them greatly to find one, but of course, it would be better if the theme was actually worthwhile…
Alfa 159: http://www.webwombat.com.au/motoring/news_reports/alfa-romeo-159.htm
Well, I like Subaru and the Toyota partnership will help them in the end. Subaru is a nich market but wanted to increase market share and the crossover segment look like prime area for their opportunity. Plus, Subaru had their all wheel drive system no one execpt VW/Audi had and they did not have a crossover.
So you understand how Subaru went full bore with the B9. Of course they are having teething pains with a segment that is very competitive. Hopefully, Toyota can aid them in the future.
All Subies get sub par hwy mpg because of the all wheel drive and unaerodynamic tall body styles. Ironically not taking advantage of the low center of gravity boxter engine.
My 1.8 T A4 quattro can achieve 33 hwy mpg on a good day. I avg. 28-30 hwy mpg.