Mystery Saturn "Investors" Enable Dealer Denial

Saturn dealers, customers, managers, assembly workers, The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles, what’s left of General Motors and the mainstream media (MSM) would all like to believe there’s life after GM for the moribund “rethink” brand. A group of investors calling themselves Telesto Ventures has stepped forward to enable these champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Their plan: rebrand other people’s stuff and sell them as Saturns. It’s the same sort of plan that saw Americanized Opels in Saturn showrooms—that led to a 58 percent sales drop so far this year, compared to 2008’s miserable 188,004. (Toyota sold 158,884 Priora last year.) It was also a part of Cerberus’ original plan for the bankruptcy-bound Chrysler Corporation. Anyway, the MSM’s down with Saturn’s “rescue.” “While such a business model doesn’t exist today,’ the Detroit Free Press almost warns, ‘Telesto’s backers say the global overcapacity among automakers and the growing number of start-up firms in China and elsewhere would give the reformulated Saturn several possible sources of new vehicles.” Gullible much?

Finding automakers to work with “is not a tremendous concern,” said John Pappanastos, a group spokesman. “It would allow manufacturers not in the United States to launch without incurring the largest expense they would otherwise face, setting up a distribution network.”

Even if you buy this entirely dubious proposition, it raises one important question: Who the hell is Telesto Ventures and why should we believe a word they say? (Google is not my friend.) It’s a question whose primacy seems to have evaded the MSM. Automotive News dances around the issue.

Telesto spokesman John Pappanastos says his group is in discussions with several unnamed foreign manufacturers.

He says Telesto includes a private equity firm, Black Oak Partners LLC, based in Oklahoma City, and several other investors. It’s not clear how much money is backing Telesto and what auto experience the group has.

In the blogosphere, however, writers condemned by professional journalists as “some guy in a basement with a computer” have flagged the flaw in the “private equity saves Saturn” meme.

PE (Private Equity) Database sounds the alarm.

Big press release today regarding strong interest in General Motors’ Saturn unit by“investor group” Telesto Ventures, a consortium of sorts which includes “private equity firm” Black Oak Partners. What’s not being mentioned however, are any specific details on the two groups. The web generally provides a treasure trove of info, but this is the first time Black Oak or Telesto seems to be mentioned anywhere. It’ll be interesting to see if more details emerge on whose behind the names.