Porsche Denies U.S. Production, Roxster, 2 Dr. Panamera, Grassy Knoll Gunman

Porsche has categorically denied nearly every speculative report recently revealed on the internet– and there've been lots. Stateside Cayenne SUV production? Nein. A Porsche spokesperson reminded Automotive News [sub] that the model's supply chain is in Europe; production can't be moved to the states. (At least not until the next generation Cayenne debuts in 2015.) Baby Cayenne? Chilling with Auto Motor und Sport, Porsche's Sales Boss says the "Roxster" is a non-starter. "We don't want to chase volume," Klaus Berning soothed, ignoring the whole Cayenne deal. "We'd rather make money on every car we sell. The larger the segment, the harder it is to make money, so a small SUV is certainly not Porsche's way forward." Rumors of a two-door Panamera (news to us)? What's German for fuhgeddaboutit? The Panamera provider said why would we? The four-door Porsche will increase volume by 25 percent. Which kinda contradicts his "no-volume chasing for us" assertion, but never mind. We're just happy to set the record straight. Until next time.

Photochop by Andrei Avarvarii