By Sajeev Mehta
May 6, 2006 - 41,431 views
Way forward. Bold Moves. Screw that. If America wants a bold, innovative car, they'll buy a Toyota. If they want something honest, inexpensive and comfortable, they'll buy a Ford. If they want an honest car with added spizzarkle, they'll spend a little more for a Mercury. Well, that's how it used to be, until Ford started building sub-par Japanese wanna-be's. Thankfully, the Blue Oval offers at least one rear-wheel drive automobile that stays true to the company's roots: the Mercury Grand Marquis.
Park the Grand Marquis next to its foreign counterparts and it's clear that the American luxobarge ain't livin' large no mo'. Snout-to-tail comparisons with a Camry require measurements smaller than a foot; millimeters differentiate their relative heights. Fortunately, the Marquis' ping-pong table hood and aircraft-carrier rear deck survive into the new millennium, while its broad shoulders continue to evoke memories of Officer Badass. Although the Marquis' police-a-like shape sends shivers down the spines of Boy Racers, the car's basic design is wildly inoffensive. This despite a new-for-'06 schnoz that blends-in about as well as a Speedo-wearing fat guy in Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue.
The Grand Marquis' soft-touch keyless entry system ensures that its well-aged core clientele never lock themselves out, or loved ones in. (Take that, OnStar!) Even better, its portals swing open with all the reassuring monumentality of an '80's Mercedes S-Class. Once inside, the barge's beltline makes for excellent visibility and ensures easy parking maneuvers for one so broad of beam (the car, not its driver). Although the luscious nomenclature evokes memories of "Studio 54" decadence, the Grand Marquis' cabin sports a cabaret of dull and brittle coverings– in stark contrast to the fake tree trim glowing with radioactive glee on the car's massive dash.
The Grand Marquis' appointments can't hold a candle to a Camry's, but the big Merc is still leagues ahead of the Chrysler 300's blue light special. A pair of indulgent seats offers another clear advantage. Fold the deeply padded armrests and a spare bedroom awaits episodes of marital distress. Or perhaps a second honeymoon with the cavernous backseat? Six-passenger seating in a sedan is a forgotten delight, and beats the third row penalty box found in any similarly priced SUV. Crank up the tunes and feel the bass booming from the bowels of Mercury's Brick House trunk. The Commodores never sounded so mighty-mighty.
The Marquis keeps the muscle car flame alive with a redesigned analog gauge cluster, complete with its first-ever tachometer. Fire-up the cammer V8 and a distant rumble filters in from the ghosts of big-block Cyclones and Marauders. Although the Grand Marquis' mill only musters 239 horses, there's more than enough torque to take the "grind" out of the daily. Four gears are all you get (only one less than you really need). If you're young enough to read this site on a regular basis, or old enough to remember the Blues Brothers, you'll want Mercury's little known police package: cop engine (dual exhausts), cop tires (speed rated), cop shocks (monotube dampers) and cop suspension (revised front coils, Watts-link rear with heavy duty air springs and bigger sway bars). Evo's keep on frontin' but that guy in the Camry is toast.
Yank the column shifter to first and hammer the throttle. The Marquis' composed suspension, marginally-involving steering, torquey mill and RWD orientation make it an honest-to-God hoot in the corners. Pseudo-Super Troopers whose courage exceeds their skill benefit from the Marquis' five star crash test ratings. Credit the same brick shit house construction for the smoothest ride in town: hydroformed components on a body-on-frame chassis. Pot holes, speed bumps or subcompacts are a distant blip on the butt radar. Factor in a solid 21mpg (on regular gas) in mixed driving, and rough-riding, gas-guzzling SUVs hang their heads in shame.
Obviously the Grand Marquis is no match for a stick-shifted V6 Accord or Altima. But the Marquis ushers the family to grandma's house in far greater comfort. And, lest we forget, the Marquis' price lines up against baseline, four-cylinder versions of those wrong-wheel drive whips. According to the official Mercury website, the last of the Great V8 Interceptors has $5000 on the hood. And the deal grows sweeter down at the showroom. Hell, they're giving them away!
So why are Matlock fans the only people buying Mercury's Grand Marquis? Clearly, Ford turned its back on the old soldier; their press gang can't even be bothered to update the website with photos of the Marquis' analog instrumentation. No matter. It's time for pistonheads to reclaim old-school American cars for their own. The fact that Ford is killing this platform for some weak-kneed front driver only makes the Grand Marquis more desirable. And don't forget: it never hurts a speed demon to look like a cop.
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POWERED
July 5th, 2006 at 6:11 pm
Damn - I wanna drive it!
Don’t really want to be seen in it though…
July 5th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
I’m on my 2nd Grand Marquis, and I just turned 40 years old. I’ve got a very hard to find Grand Marquis LSE with the bucket seats and console, and the 235 hp engine, dual exhaust, and 3.27 rear end ratio.
My old one was 12 years old when I sold it for this one (used, depreciation is a killer), and there was literally nothing wrong with it other than a little oil burning. Haven’t had a single problem with the 02 either.
Great cars - I tell my wife they are so square, they are hip.
July 15th, 2006 at 1:24 am
Ah, there’s some action in the comments section! I remember the LSE, neat option. I prefer a split bench and column shift on these suckers, makes them more unique in this age.
Here’s a little update on my end: helped a little old lady co-worker of mine find a new car, wound up looking at a mint 2002 GS model. It had absolutely no options (aside from its non-fleet color and wheelcaps) but she took one look inside and thought it was fully loaded! Power windows, locks, drivers seat, cruise, abs, etc…
The Panther chassis’ bang for the buck is truly amazing. Not to mention they’ll last longer than most American marriages.
January 5th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Scary thing…more and more twentysomethings are getting into Panthers in my burg. I saw a kid-maybe 20-with one in gloss black and white, like an unstickered Highway Patrol car. It had presence…so much that I almost forgot the basic bones date to the Carter administration!
January 24th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Yup, kids are getting into ye olde Panther. Old people aren’t the only loyal Panther fans. They are a great used car value and you get V8/RWD in a safe car without the high insurance premiums(?) of a Mustang or Camaro.
When these kids get real jobs/careers, they might actually buy a NEW one, provided they ever get a significant re-skin and modern interior goodies.
January 24th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
dont under estimate those 3.8 BUICK engines
Sure they are durable, but they aren’t smooth and effortless like a 4.6L V8.
4.6 > 3800
January 31st, 2007 at 2:18 am
I’ve rented one of these and I think they are a pretty interesting concept. Having been mostly a small import car person I really liked the size and weight and glass-smooth ride of the car. Its really in need of an update though. The steering was wobbly, the solid rear axle was jiggly and I was always worried it would wander out of its lane (which is a real concern because it only just fits in a lane anyway!)Otherwise the handling is much more lively than you would expect and it doesn’t feel as big to drive as it looks.
I was thinking maybe they could build an updated one on some of those explorer chassies that must be piling up at the factory right now. Its got the body on frame layout, rear drive, independent suspension, 4.6L v8 and 6 speed auto that would nicely update this car.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Amen to that.
March 8th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
The Ford Crown Vic looks more like a cop than this, the rear fascia of the Grand Marquis I think is a little uglier than that in the Ford. Also, I really have to disagree about this car being that comfortable, the rear seats lack headrests, so after being in the back for more than 5 minutes your neck hurts like hell!
March 21st, 2007 at 3:37 pm
This article makes me think of what the Caprice would be like today if Chevrolet had kept building it. They had an awfully good platform there, and many cops preferred it to the Crown Vic.
March 31st, 2007 at 7:44 am
What sucks is that Ford was going to drop this platform when GM announced it was dropping the B/D body line, so Ford decided to soldier on, since it no longer had any competition.
If GM had not blinked first, we’d of seen LS1 powered RWD Impala SSs. Oh well…
April 2nd, 2007 at 6:44 pm
If GM had not blinked first, we’d of seen LS1 powered RWD Impala SSs. Oh well…
Yes, hope springs eternal that the ‘09 and its SS variant will far and away exceed everything the 94-96 SS was, and still is to many pistonheads.
June 6th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
It’s time for pistonheads to reclaim old-school American cars for their own. The fact that Ford is killing this platform for some weak-kneed front driver only makes the Grand Marquis more desirable.
I’ve done my part, Sajeev. I am now the proud owner of a near-mint condition 92 CV. White leather and the whole nine. I wanted a car that was the anti-Civic (since I live in Canada and that’s the top-selling crowdcan) and boy have I got one.
June 6th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Good for you 86er, I am doing my part with an 05 Lincoln Town Car.
June 7th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Good for you 86er, I am doing my part with an 05 Lincoln Town Car.
Thanks Gottleib, it feels good to be in the “Panther Club”.
The plan for this car (with only 152,300 km on the odometer) is to drive it until my partner and I are more firmly established in our careers, and then, if potential $1.50/L gas prices don’t kill us, maybe get into a lease- buyback CV or GM.
Or, as Sajeev mentioned, we might get a NEW one, provided an Interceptor or RWD Impala is on the market by then. I’ve got my RWD Dakota and my RWD Crown Vic now, and I’m trying to weather the storm.
June 28th, 2007 at 10:23 am
I own a Lexus LS, so I am accustomed to a comfortable, quiet ride and nice handling. When I have to rent a car, I prefer the Mercury Grand Marquis because it’s about as close as I can get to what I’m used to. Plus, there’s a lot to be said for its uncomplicatedness.
November 23rd, 2007 at 8:59 am
Speed, handling, Cost & Comfort. The V8 provides as much speed beyond the legal limits that you would like to pursue, with the ease and stability that keeps you confident,secure & safe. The acceleration may not match the luxery sport cars of today, but at the top end speeds it holds the road as well as any car I have ever been in. At a fraction of the cost I might add.
The gas mileage is far better than SUV's & Trucks, runs on regular gas, and because the older generation usually occupy these vehicles the insurance is inexpensive. With the kids, I can use the car to haul the family in comfort if needed. Yea, I can be responsible, keep the wife happy, and set a good example for the kids. But when I need to get moving down the road, I want the speed and security of this monstor.
Sure, old style, outdated vehicle are comments you may hear about this full size beast. That helps sell non essential products in new cars today. It also keeps the lines short for this vehicle, and the price very affordable. However, for driving performance this diamond in the rough will bring a smile to anyone who appreciates a dependable problem free vehicle year after year. Keep on laughing, but when you see that cop coming up behind you in your uroluxmobile, move aside cause it is just me trying to get my fix. HeHeHe!
November 25th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
I’ve ordered a 2008 LS. Can’t wait…..but I’ll have to. Dealer says wait is 8-12 weeks.
I recently went to the car show and I think cars much more expensive aren’t nearly as nice as Grand Marquis.
Consumer Reports says the seat is uncomfortable. Well, I think the BMW, etc. seats are uncomfortable!!!
November 26th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
If you ordered it does that mean you are paying full price? I hope not because you should get several thousand below msrp on these.
Renting a GM is what introduced me to large cars. I ended up buying a Charger recently. Love it.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Congratulations bstoney10 and ionosphere on your purchases. Large car lovers shouldn’t have to make excuses for why they love the big iron.
I have a 92 CV myself and thoroughly enjoy this vehicle, and I’m far from an old geezer!
November 28th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
I’m not paying MSRP. Wife’s company is a Ford Partner and get the X-plan price, which is about the dealer invoice. Plus there’s a $5,500 rebate plus an extra $1,000 rebate if financed through Ford Credit.
One thing that bugs me on the order form is something called LDMA of $700. This isn’t mentioned on webnsites like Edmonds when I checked.
From reading online, looks like this is some type of fee for advertising that can’t be avoided?
March 28th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I’ve had my new Merc for a few weeks now. Sure love the legroom and big trunk. I still think it’s a much nicer car than others that cost as much or a little more, like Honda Accord.
August 2nd, 2008 at 6:42 pm
I had the privilege of driving one of these two weeks ago while my folks were visiting. My father drove his ‘07 Grand Marquis LS from Pensacola, FL to my place in Souther MD. He averaged 25 mpg for the entire trip. He let me drive it from D.C. to my house, which took us down the Suitland Pkwy and MD Rt. 4, about 60 miles. The seats on this thing are like a Lazy Boy and extended all the way out to the back of my knee. She’s a real highway cruiser; just accelerate to 60mph, turn on the cruise control, sit back and enjoy the ride. With the dozen stop lights between D.C. and my place tossed in, traveling over 60 miles at 60mph we managed 28 mpg. Not too shabby. I’m seriously considering getting one. Used ’05’s with under 30k miles can now be had for under $10k. Sign me up.
August 28th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
^^joelaterdayz, you passed my house on the way to D.C.
I know someone who just purchased a 2008 Grand Marquis GS off of a dealer lot. Furthermore, a couple of 2009s were in stock. I don’t believe they are making the GS for 2009, and he didn’t want electronic HVAC controls that would break down the road. For the record, he already has 2 older crown vics with 312K and 379K miles respectively.