The ‘Sclade re-started it, the Navi went with it and the C made it official: bling is king. What began as an urban tuner phenom– modifying domestic SUV's with flashy wheels, “presidential” window tinting, an infestation of video screens, a stereo powerful enough to make rap music even more painful than it already is (to me), etc.– has become industry practice. One need only glance at the new Escalade, Navigator and Aspen’s gleaming prows to see that bling now comes standard. And thank God for that.
While it’s tempting to give white middle-aged Detroit executives mad props for accepting and adopting urban flava, what choice did they have? The bling thing went ka-ching pretty much about the same time SUV sales started swirling around the toilet bowl. More to the point, why should they care? Quite rightly, the execs saw the financial value of a trend– any trend– that celebrates the most profitable examples of their most profitable genre. If customers want to paint Motown’s premium barges bright red and carpet their insides with two inch thick shag, who gives a shit? Nothing– not even good taste– can interrupt Detroit’s “move the metal” mantra.
Detroit quickly– OK, eventually built on the blingery. They peeped the billions of dollars lavished on their trucks’ aesthetics and creature comforts and decided to grab as big a piece as possible. Your ‘Sclade now comes straight from the factory with wikkid dubs. A Chrysler Aspen can be yours swathed in “Cognac Crystal Pearl” paint. And up-specced Navi's arrive pre-blinged with an “Audiophile” stereo that pumps out enough bass to bruise your sternum– from outside the truck. And if the manufacturer can’t help you transform the not-so-sublime into the entirely ridiculous, their dealers sure as Hell will.
And now we hear that this year’s SEMA (Specialty Equipment Market Association) convention in Viva Las Vegas will feature eleven heavily modified Buick Lucernes. “We want the Lucerne and the event to move Buick into a new audience,” Buick rep David Dorovitz told Brandweek mag. That’s a bit like Brooks Brothers announcing they’ve created a line of ladies’ lingerie, but you gotta admire Davey's street-flavored chutzpah. From Tiger Woods to Krayzie Bone in one giant leap. Wow. Again, what exactly does Buick have to lose? (Remember: they paid TTAC to junket it up in Canada.) Anyway, respect.
And warning: danger Will Robinson! The whole point of automotive blingery and tunery is to display your unique sense of style. Just ask the ex-heads of one of the thousands of super-cool clothing brands that rose and fell like Alan Shepard’s Freedom 7 spacecraft: as soon as “your” style hits the heady heights of mainstream acceptance, it’s headed for the drink. Less poetically, when Wal-Mart’s got it, millions of people don’t want it. Of course, for a while millions of sheeple do, and Wal-Mart makes a fortune. So, again, you can’t blame Detroit for minting money by bringing it to the masses. But there is a wider lesson to be learned: the best way to avoid fashion-based obsolescence is to create products worthy of modification.
I know: SUV’s suck. Gas, that is. But the genre found its way into the urban culture’s heart because they best reflect the American spirit: bigger is better. This website has long argued that Detroit should do what it does best: big, comfy rear-wheel drive vehicles with a bit of style and plenty o’ waft. OK, they can’t really do much else, what with their penthouse overheads and crazed competition. But now that Buick– Buick– is getting the spizzarkle treatment, what’s the bet that the bling craze will shift focus towards the recently saved Ford Crown Vic and its platform siblings? Or that the Lincoln Town Car will find some new friends? It's time for Detroit to get their rear-wheelers into gear, ready for the boyz in the hood.
Granted: it’ll take a while for the movers and shakers to make the move and shake-off SUV love. The money showered on trend-setting rappers took them into wheels made of unobtainium. (Which they no longer modify, ironically enough.) Style makers lower down on the food chain need some time to regroup. But the freshened Mustang (in all its crap packaged glory) showed the world that there’s still a huge market for traditional American cars. If you doubt that Yank tanks are set for a resurgence, clock the recent development of thoroughly hideous “donks.” (If you have to ask, believe me, you don’t want to know.)
CUV’s and front wheel-drive high-mileage mid-market motors ain’t gonna cut it. Americans like barges. My advice to Detroit: embrace your inner bling. Let the imports do the fuel-efficient, sweet-revving, tight interior thing. Build cars worthy of stunting and flossing. Either that or you’ll be bitching and moaning as your market share goes the way of the pet rock.
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Great news for GM. Buick sold 11 Lucernes.
Oh wait, no they probably gave them away to tuners. Well, at least the factory was up and running for a few minutes there.
Now if only we could find those missing Cobalts and Malibus, gotta be around here somewhere…
The large RWD sedan and perhaps even coupe is the wave of the future along with CUV and the continuing, surprising strength of the sport compact. A big boat like my 300 offers all the size and presence of an SUV with better ride, handling, performance and economy, better usable room as well. Bling has been in and has really never been gone. Everybody still loves those boats from the fifties and even the new passat has a chrome grill that would do a 1958 Buick proud.
On a personal note, I would much rather hear black dudes talking about women and cars and money than middle class white American males talking about how much life sucks.
Don’t forget the Aveos. Monster Mark LeNeve says they’re missing too.
America is too large and diverse to complete any sentance begining with “Americans want…” or “Americans like…”
Most of the people I know wouldn’t be caught dead in something big, floaty, and blingy. American automotive styling represents Detroit a lot more than it represents America.
Damn,
Aveos missing too? Maybe I should have thought twice about asking Mazda to ship them here…
Where are the newpaper reports about customers rising up and demanding their small Chevys? Liberal media conspiracy if you ask me.
Damn you kids with your dubs and rap music!
Get off my lawn! :-)
Seriously, dealer installed accessories is a multi million dollar revenue maker. People buy this stuff and can roll it into their payments instead of buying inferior aftermarket products with cash.
Brings to mind the old Detroit: Slather on the chrome and hope the buyer doesn’r realize it’s an old design and will fall apart in 3 years.
The ‘Gator has been panned by the auto press, the Aspen is an answer to a question nobody’s asking (Except Chrysler dealers who wanted an SUV, no matter how ugly), and the ‘Sclade, well, it sells, and the profits are huge, but the market is drying up.
I agree that American car makers MUST define and then build American Cars. Not Camry wannabees, but embrace their heritage and build cars that appeal to Americans on their merits.
But there’s far more too it than simply slapping a chrome grille on a rental-fleet special.
“We want the Lucerne and the event to move Buick into a new audience…” SEMA? BUICK?
Waste of GM’s rapidly eroding money. Hey, the tuners’ll crap up any car if the automakers are paying for it (Remember the Fusions at last year’s SEMA? No? Thought not.). Why Detroit thinks this will have the slightest impact is beyond me. Does GM really think some kid out there’s thinking, “Y’know, I was gonna pimp out an EVO MR, but now I gotta get me one of those Lucerne’s they showed at SEMA.”
These guys are hopeless.
1984,
Just to build on your and Robert’s thoughts, I do have an idea for rebuilding Pontiac.
Give customers the ability to order true strippers — no paint (only primer), no seat fabric, no stereo (but pre-wired) and cheap steel wheels with winter tires. Ship these models only to an elite set of dealerships that have a paint/body shop in-house and are set up to sell accessories the way Harley does.
It would resonate with buyers looking to personalize, and go far beyond what Scion is doing.
Mmmm… donks:
http://astrochimp.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/pic_1_lg.jpg
http://www.cardomain.com/ride/637257
SherbornSean,
Interesting… GM already sells “chassis/drivetrain only” medium duty trucks to coach builders (motor homes and dump trucks) so the idea is not far fetched.
Hutton
Indeed this nation is diverse; most people I know love large cruisers and only bought an SUV because there were no decent large cars or estates. I personally hate subtlety and blacked out trim, that’s why I didn’t get an SRT8. There is much money to be made by marketing to people who are sick of the Japanese style restrained generic shapes and profile.
To each his own… The stuff sells and the last I heard the objective is to make money.
To pick a little historical nit from line one…..the Navigator predated the Escalade by one year.
If you’re sick of generic shapes, you won’t have much more luck with American cars. Seems like the typical American strategy is to take the same generic shapes, slap on a shinier grill, and call it “Bold”. I expect better from America.
I never said I liked retrained Japanese style.
I am saying that America has historically been an incubator of creativity, of progressive and daring ideas. Excitement and hope. None of those attributes is captured with the tacky trim and backwards-looking design that detroit thinks America wants.
And cleary we don’t want it. Cause we’re not buying it.
American cars should be lightyears ahead of their foreign competition. Not behind.
I fully agree that the Lucerne is not the way we want to go but it is an important midget baby step in a good direction with regards to making American cars desirable.
What you call tacky, I call expressive, what you call backwards, I call funky and what you call subtle and modern (Lexus, Chris Bangle) I call boring and monstrously ugly, to each his own
The only domestic vehicle I can remember in recent history that made everyone “catch up” was the Ford Taurus.
Cars today:
A- Look the same
B- Ugly (debatable)
C- Look good but are too impractical or expensive
D- Looks like something from the past
Take your pick.
Only thing that comes to mind as different would be the Prius or Solstice / Sky (perhaps impractical?)
The Solstice is gorgeous, but it’s not American in style at all. That thing is British all the way. Sex on wheels, yes. American style, no.
The benchmark for American style right now is, obviosly, the Mustang. It’s expressive, it’s bold, and it pulls of the heritage thing without seeming too retro. It’s a little bit too big, but It’s not bling. It’s not tacky. It’s a great design, and I hope they can evolve it successfully.
Man… if they had stuck the Lucerne body on the STS chassis… home run and Buick would rule all over SEMA.
I’ve been seeing more and more Lucernes driving around… I’m beginning to really agree with Sajeev — that’s a good looking car.
Not 100% good looking, but not bad at all.
Good for The General.
OK, I’ve been reading this site for about a month, and I have to ask:
Am I the only one who likes the new BMWs?
I seriously looked into a BMW after one of the guys I work with got one of the new ones, and I loved the new look (he got a 3-series). I wouldn’t have even thought to look at one before.
The old BMWs were nice, don’t get me wrong, but they always seemed, to me, to be lacking something. I see “Bangle”-ed BMWs all over the place, too, so I can’t be the only one who likes them.
RE: Bangle
I like the z4 coupe, I think that car is really suited for that style. It works. The 3-series to me seems like they designed the car first, then just tacked the style on later, and tried to make it all fit. I think by the next generation they’ll have it all worked out though. It’s not terrible looking, but to me it just seems like a rough-draft.
Jonny,
The Lucerne is the first American luxury car in ages that actually made me take a second look. It is a seriously nice car. Not perfect, as you point out, but a very large step in the right direction. Someone at GM must have been asleep at the wheel to actually let it get built!
You may recall that the Lucerne was supposed to come out a year before it did, but Lutz hated the original design and sent the design staff back to the drawing board.
I fully agree that the Lucerne is not the way we want to go but it is an important midget baby step in a good direction with regards to making American cars desirable.
Hyundai agreed so much they hired the Lucerne’s stylist, Joel Piaskowski, who then led Cadillac’s designer away to Kia. Perhaps we should think of the Lucerne’s sister car as…the new Hyundai Santa Fe?
I have a kinda pat answer for this argument. I’m not saying RF’s above take is not a good argument either: “get back to basics” that appeals to Detroit’s irrationally exuberant defenders…like me. It’s inherently backward looking, but when you look back, you see a younger, more vibrant version of yourself when you were knockin’ em dead with high profit Grand Prixs and Monte Carlos. It appeals to Detroit sentimentalists, who are already on a nostalgia trip to begin with – hence “Retro Camaros will SAVE THE DAY!”
So here’s the counter argument:
From about 1970, all you heard from Detroit’s critics was that they needed to end the annual styling changes, stop the mindless horsepower war and improve the handling, interior ergonomics, build quality and engineering – they needed to become more like Mercedes.
You’d be amazed to see how many American “euro” sedans were around in 1975. Ever heard of the Cutlass “Salon”? Of course Ford’s Granada was a blatant Mercedes knockoff – they literally dared you to tell the difference in the ads. .
Yet in ‘76…
(when the euro-type Nova “Concours” debuted to replace the euro-type LN, which bragged of “European inspired” styling with a bigger greenhouse – and hey anyone remember the Seville of that year – Caddy’s most expensive car became the smallest one)
…GM had over 45% of the market.
You could well argue that the Seville – popular as it was, yet expensive – really saved Cadillac’s hide. The ‘77 ‘euro’ downsized Caprice/Impala was a homerun hit. The size of intermediate of the day, it had more room than previous “boat” versions, yet you could actually park the thing. It was no cheaper than a ‘76 boat either, despite requiring less steel and glass to produce – Seville proved you could sell a ’small’ car for big bucks.
Here’s irony for you: GM was the quickest on board to boosting gas mileage in response to government regs in the ’70s. Arguably, it saved them from doom in 1979 when gas skyrocketed again. Even in ‘80 GM still had 45% market share.
Now they spend 40 million a year lobbying against truck CAFE increases – when a small one comes out GM has an ace in the hole: “Go Yellow” – they actually sell engines that get 11mpg on e-85 and get EXTRA credit for that.
40 million might buy lots of alluminum – that would make the trucks lighter, faster, thriftier and actually haul more payload, but hey, that’s GM’s new strategy vs. the ‘old think’ ’70s idea of actually obeying the intent of the law – woah gas is $3/gal oops.
I read a review in Hemmings Muscle machines of an SRT8 Chrysler 300 – the reviewer said “You wonder what would have happened if they offered something like this in 1980″
Uuummm. Chyrsler ACTUALLY DID GO BROKE doing just that! They offered a Cordoba based Chrysler 300 in ‘79 with pretty powerful motor. Ironically, it could have been the first (unintentional) ‘retro’ car and magazine articles made a point of how much it resembled the 50s original, in some good and mostly bad ways.
Then in ‘80 they once again debuted a ‘personal luxury’ car in the Dodge Mirada. C&D said, “This is the kind of car that could have debuted in 1970.” It had a 360 with twin pipes, not too shabby for ‘80. Sales hit for being “old school”? notsomuch. It died a paupers death in ‘83.
But it was the humble, Dart/Valiant-like K car that saved Chrysler’s behind, not some something with tailfins.
Consider all the current hot air we hear about corporations being ‘nimble’ and quick to embrace change.
Yet even in 1980, if you told GM bigwigs to offer a 4500lb, 300hp barge, they would’ve made a spit take with their coffee, then fell on the floor in irrepressible peals of full voice laughter.
Final point: From the 50’s up ’till now, we heard about how Japan’s ‘thing’ was not creating cool products, but copying existing western technology and making it better. They didn’t come up with “just in time” – hell even the Naval uniforms they wore when whipping Russia in 1905 were copies of American ones.
But now we’re saying they couldn’t copy tailfins or chrome bumpers?
Mercedes better hope they don’t copy them or…oh wait there’s Lexus.
You may recall that the Lucerne was supposed to come out a year before it did, but Lutz hated the original design and sent the design staff back to the drawing board.
Wasn’t that the LaCrosse?
starlightmica,
You may be right. If he held up the LaCrosse, I’m not sure it was worth the wait.
Re: Hutton on Bangle
I can see how the new BMW styles aren’t for everyone. For longtime fans, it can be tough to swallow – “what have they done to my BMW?”
The new styles make them stand out from the crowd. Acuras are nice, if a bit bland (I like the TL, though). Same for Audi. Mercedes always look good; understated class, refinement, and luxury (if you ignore the GL; I must not be the target market). The new Lexus IS is a bit funky (speaking of designed first and styled later), and though I loved it, my wife couldn’t stand it. I think you’re correct that BMW will continue to refine the style, and it will all come together wonderfully (as usual, please disperse, nothing to see here).
As an aside, how is it that some manufacturers can continually turn out aesthetically pleasing, distinct designs time after time, while others (like the big 2.5) struggle to come up with one between them? Is it really that hard? Even the Korean designs that are cribbed from a combination of Honda, Toyota, and Volkswagen are usually decent looking, if obviously derrivative. Does Detroit think people actually LIKE the boring, homogenous stuff they turn out? Does it make anyone else’s head hurt?
I’m not arguing that The Big Two Point Five should make “old” American cars. They should make new ones like the 300C. What makes an American car?
1. Bold, brash style
2. Rear wheel drive
3. Loads of room, front and rear
4. Loads of trunk space, front and rear
5. Minimum road feel, minimum steering feel (not my choice)
6. Power goodies
7. A bit of Gee Whiz in the interior
8. A smooth, torquey engine (doesn’t really matter what configuration)
9. A smooth autobox
10. Reliability and safety (well now, anyway) and yes…
11. Good mileage
Oh, and although the Navigator predated the Escalade, my recollection is that ‘Sclade owners got the blingery bug bigger and better and before its bruisingly big buddy.
Correct me if I’m wrong. Or maybe it doesn’t really matter.
The old Chrysler corp. went bust because parts literally fell off of the car and Chrysler was always the smallest and weakest of the Detroit brands, natural selection can suck. Two plus tons is average for every luxury car sold today from a caddy DTS to a Benz 550 so it’s not that extreme of an idea. As far as the m muscle car argument goes those V8 engines in the dark days of the 80s were lucky to make 170 HP, thanks to the ecofreaks and under funded engineering teams. As far as caddy goes, the country was dealing with an oil shortage AND a truly horrible recession back then, also the quality and refinement of Cadillac began to fall. Also a 1976 coupe Deville was a foot longer and 3 inches wider than a 1959 coupe Deville; they had no choice but to make them smaller and better.
Robert, I think Escalade was the first to change the sheet metal in 2000 (I think). First years of the Escalade where Yukon D’s that where sent to an upfitter for caddy stick-ons.
Ford was the first to prove that someone would actually want something like the Navigator. A bit risky for GM to try it first.
KingElvis: Here’s irony for you: GM was the quickest on board to boosting gas mileage in response to government regs in the ’70s. Arguably, it saved them from doom in 1979 when gas skyrocketed again. Even in ‘80 GM still had 45% market share.
Part of the reason GM had that share was because the mistakes it made in responding to CAFE and the first fuel crunch hadn’t caught up with it yet.
The Oldsmobile Diesel was a disaster, and many of GM’s full-size cars were fitted with too-small automatic transmissions that couldn’t handle the weight of the car or the torque of the V-8 engine. Transmission failures around 50,000 miles were quite common if you were lucky enough to get a car with one of these transmissions.
Many of the downsized V-8s and revived V-6s weren’t as reliable and long-lasting as their predecessors.
The X-cars debuted in April 1979, and sold well at first…until they started to fall apart. They also ended up as one of the most recalled cars in history. But this wasn’t yet apparent in 1980.
Also remember that GM’s main competition at that time was Chrysler (almost bankrupt because of poor quality and marketing mistakes) and Ford (which also had quality problems).
I don’t think GM’s quicker response to government mandates is necessarily the reason for its strong market share at that time.
Uh, isn’t this kind of thinking exactly what got Detroit where it is today? The bling buyers, pistonheads and speed junkies, by themselves, will not save the big 2.5. If they can’t make desirable vehicles in the non-luxury categories, how can they survive? If they only “survive” as niche-market brands then can it really be said that they survived?
Bling is fashion, and core buyers are looking for transportation. Cars don’t have fins or salmon pink paint anymore, but they still have four tires, a steering wheel, engine and tranny.
Fashion changes too quickly for the 2.5 to keep up – hell, they can’t keep up with current median buyer trends, what makes you think there won’t be ridiculously blinged-out ‘Sclades & Aspens sitting in back lots when it’s over?
Reminds me of how bell bottoms disappeared once executive suits started wearing them. When people over 30 are using words like “dubs,” “bling” and “wikkid,” watch out: Fashion change is a-comin’.
Plastic fake chrome ‘Bling’ that would make a Superfly pimp blush. Yeah, that’s the ticket GM!
So apparently since fashion changes we should all drive around in cookie cutter cars and our only concerns should be resale value and fuel economy? No thanks, the people who now drive around in pickups and SUVs did not buy them for basic transportation, they bought them for image, which is what motivates most decisions whether we believe we’re that shallow or not. And as far as chrome and fins go, my neighbor has a 58 impala, everywhere he goes you can see the heads turn in cars and he’s given admiring smiles, waves and thumbs up. Americans may say they want subtle and economical cars, but their lying and if Detroit gives them a spiritual successor to that 58 they (and I) will buy.
Enjoy that fake fur dash liner, spoke wheels and vinyl landau roof on that 300c then… Right on, brother!
Dayum…big ups to the buick Dept.
Daps to you Robert…you can eat off my lunch card any day.
Give the people what they want…even if we arent white and middle aged.
Americans may say they want subtle and economical cars, but their lying and if Detroit gives them a spiritual successor to that 58 they (and I) will buy.
Right, I get it! This is why Toyota scored a 25% hike last month. Their new Toyota Pimplux Chromebeastie Slamajama.
Your’re talking about Glenn’s Prius on dubs, Mystic paint, 4 Lambo suicide doors, jaguar print seats, shag carpeting, LCD’s everywhere, and a subwoofer that takes up all of the hatch area, right?
That’s the one!
(man, I wish I had PhotoShop)
2006300C:
The “ecofreak” you are talking about? Is that Richard Nixon who started the EPA or Lyndon Johnson who implemented NHTSA, which first mandated pollution reductions in…
1968.
King Elvis: Actually I’m talking about the people who mandated pollution controls before the proper technology was available, instead of having a 400 HP V8 in 1970 that got 12 MPG by 1980 you had 170 HP V8s that got ….12MPG. And Toyota prospers because of the many people who were whipped up into a frenzy and terrified to pay about $200 more per year on gasoline..thats it. Also, the new Tundra dwarfs an F150 and the grill is almost as bold as the one found on a Ram, the Avalon is bigger than my car and the FJ cruiser looks like it came out of a comic book. Boring and plebian does not sell in today’s market even Toyota realizes this. With the exception of the LX platform and the Mustang (both sell EXTREMLY well) Detroit does not have a successor to that 58, but they are coming.
“..when Wal-Mart’s got it, millions of people don’t want it. Of course, for a while millions of sheeple do, and Wal-Mart makes a fortune”
RF..that’s classic! That might have to become my new sig.
@Lieberman – I agree that the Lucerne is not bad looking..the read and front grille could use some work but other than that not too bad a line.
Buick said it was going VIP-style. That’s sort of a cleaner style of Bling, not quite the same thing at all.
It’ll be a significant occurence if VIP style becomes big here.
Over the counter dealer installed bling is on a big roll at GM, to the tune of 1 bil anually.(not a few mil a bil) Stupid, I think not. Finance the bling upfront, who’s gonna get the green them or the aftermarket installer crews. Lets see I can spread it out over a lease or five years or I can whip out the plastic and pay for it out of my discretionary + intrest. Simple choice.
you can’t roll by a pos sentra in cali without custom dubs on it.
This action was taken because of an outcry from the public since the days of DIY customization fell on its head. Customers open the hood today and close it again. The days of DIY customization had died and the aftermarket tuners were the only option. Now the big 2.5 are offering it over the counter with a warranty to.
Ok, two points.
First, have you ever had a thought about why something is the way it is and never say anything all along and then one day you find out your thought was right. In the recent past I puzzled over the popularity of trucks and SUVs. Thought it was pretty silly. Then I reasoned that they were the only vehicles you could buy any more with a big chrome grill and trim.
And today, I read this article and your comments and tada!
Secondly, on the subject of the big 2.5 surviving, there is only one answer, and it’s a tough one (tough love?).
They just need to look at who’s beating them up. Toyota. Well….what’s Toyota got? Muscle cars? No. Drivers cars? Maybe a couple. Best mileage? Some. But in every segment of the industry they have one thing: the perceived reputation, certainly to some extent earned, of quality products.
I may be a little loose on my facts but my understanding is that after WWII the quality leaders of our country presented proven quality techniques here and it didn’t catch. Led by W. Edward Deming (sp?) they went to Japan to help with the rebuilding of their industry. And the Japanese took notes.
If the 2.5 REALLY want to turn there fortunes around they better dig in for the long hall and settle for nothing less than producing the best. Period.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Nothing– not even good taste– can interrupt Detroit’s “move the metal†mantra.
Love it! Truth in a dozen words or less!
I hate bling. Nothing like razzle and dazzle to spice up underlying hollow crap. Or in this case, mass-market, generic, derivative hollow crap.
Am I the only one in his 20’s that gets nauseated by bling?
RF- nice write up. But i’m writing to say that the advertisements (which i don’t mind at all and hope they make you lots of $$) are obscuring the right margin of the text of the editorial or whatever. Maybe it’s just my computer but it looks like a web page error.
RF, great writing. But no quote from Baby on this piece? I was so looking forward to another urban wordsmith waxing on the importance of American iron in the inner cities… And to criticize, isn’t the adjective ‘wikkid’ more Ali G than Mannie Fresh? Otherwise, a brilliant synopsis.