You may remember Mercedes’ last attempt at a “price no object” supercar: the Mercedes McLaren SLR. It was a thundering achievement, but the big Merc’s brakes were as touchy as an seventy-year-old Argentinian security officer at a Truth and Reconciliation hearing. That’s a guardrail of not good. There were other “issues”: leg room, trunk space (or a complete lack thereof), steering feel, road noise, autobox only and the fact that Paris Hilton owned one. Truth be told, the SLR was compromised from the git-go; McLaren designers were hamstrung by the car’s front mid-engined layout. The project left a bitter taste in both companies’ metaphorical mouths. McLaren went its own way and built its own supercar (whose American debut has been delayed). Mercedes took a clean sheet of paper to their in-house tuning wizards, AMG. For some unfathomable reason, TTAC wasn’t invited to the press event to drive the SLS AMG. But we can read. And when Car and Driver complains about a car’s handling, you know there’s trouble in fluss stadt.

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[Thanks to Porsche986 for the link]

The Detroit News reports that GM is delaying the launch of the Chevrolet Cruze. The nationalized automaker’s next big—I mean small thing will now hit U.S. showrooms in the third quarter of 2010. In theory. GM’s explanation for the delayed denouement: it wants to ensure “a flawless launch.” Given GM’s on-again, of-again product planning chaos, and their failure to get enough Buick LaCrosses on the ground, you’ve got to wonder why they would set themselves up for failure with talk of perfection. Oh right; the automotive media has the memory of a goldfish. Meanwhile, the company’s camp followers can take heart in New GM’s new determination to get things right—while those of us who’ve heard it all before sigh, shake our heads and say “Flawless. Yeah right.” No matter how you slice it, the Cruze’s failure to set sail by the advertising for-sale date isn’t news to gladden investors’ hearts. After all, the ur-Cruze (the Korean Lacetti) debuted on October 30, 2008. The EU-Cruze has been plying European roadways since February. The delay means the Cruze will not arrive before GM’s kinda maybe sorta I know we said we would but tempus fugit mid-2010 IPO. Between now and then, stand back! GM’s predicting a sales spurt!

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Edmunds‘ analysis shows that only 125k of the nearly 690k vehicles sold during Cash For Clunkers were incremental. Divide the three billion the government spent by that number, and you’re left with a $24k per-vehicle subsidy of additional sales. Which Edmunds admits were largely pull-forward anyway. Edmunds’  research also shows that fewer consumers would have traded in gas guzzlers had the stimulus not existed. As a result, “that may give some credence to the environmental claims, but unfortunately the economic claims have been rendered quite weak,” according to Edmunds analysts. All hail the Potemkin Economy!

So, after years of toil, you’ve arrived – a six figure salary, 80 hour workweeks, and Blackberry-enhanced vacations. But it’s not all toil at the executive level – you get to dump the Accord, and drop 50 or 60 large on a first-class luxury sedan.

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People have tried to be kind, saying that it’s challenging and that it’s unusual. But the simple fact of the matter is this: it’s as ugly as an inside-out monkey. It’s dreadful. Part Austin Maxi, it looks like someone with no talent at all was trying to describe what they wanted to a blind person, over the phone.

I tried one on a recent trip to Romania and I thought it was a very good car. But that’s like saying Ann Widdecombe has a heart of gold. It’s possibly true but it’s completely irrelevant. You still wouldn’t.

After two pages of digression and British pop culture references, Jeremy Clarkson finally decides to tell us what he really thinks of the Porsche Panamera. By digressing into British pop culture references. Which begs the question: who comes out of this looking worse? Or, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, tomorrow the Panamera will still be a fairly desirable car. Whether Clarkson will be able to offer anything resembling a credible or readable opinion in his next Times review is still very much an open question.

TTAC’s MontanaVista sent us the heads-up: Volkswagen has released pricing and official information for its new Golf.  The commentator whose name reminds me of the station wagons of my youth alerted us that VeeDub’s U.S. website has finally been updated, and the death of the Rabbit nomenclature is now officially official. Not that anyone will notice save marketing mavens, who may also wonder if the combination of “Germany’s most loved hatchback” and “It’s what the people want” is a tag-line too far—given that U.S. buyers are notoriously hatchback aversive. The rest of us will delight in the build and price widget. My ideal all-new (to us anyway) GTI includes a $2795 Autobahn seating package (goodness gracious me!), an $1100 DSG gearbox (holy frijoles!), and $224 worth of mats (OCD takes it toll). That’s $28,358. Which is a lot of money for Rabbit.

“Should I buy a Saturn car?” asks Consumer Reports’ blog of itself in the wake of Penske’s takeover interruptus. “In a word,” comes the answer, “no.” Though other GM dealers will be able to honor warranties and service Saturns, CR worries that there are “practical limitations to parts inventory and technician training.” Normal servicing shouldn’t be a problem, but major repairs could take more time and money, particularly for low-volume Saturns like the Sky and Astra. And of course there’s the unavoidable fact that reliability studies indicate that many Saturn models will be in for repair on a fairly regular basis. Though they conclude that it’s difficult to predict exactly what the Saturn ownership experience will be like over the next decade, “there are simply better alternatives that are more reliable, have lower owner costs, and do not carry undue risks.” We would agree.