LeMons

LeMons Update: Mad Cow Cops a ThunderChicken

By Sajeev Mehta
May 27, 2008 -

If there's two things a LeMons racing team needs, it's a catchy (but stupid) name and a valuable parts car. Thanks to Troy Hogan, our crew's chief lunatic, team "Mad Cow Motorsportz" has a Thunderbird Turbo snagged from the lonely pages of Craigslist. Just what we need– another hunk of shit Fox body, right? Not! This $250 purchase paid for itself immediately, since the Miami Vice-ish Enkeis and rear discs are wet dream material for 5.0 Mustangers in Members Only jackets. And someone else wants the low-mile turbo'd mill for their four-banger Ranger. So yes, what was once a C/D 10 Best winner still has the juice. And its coil springs, sway bars and manual transmission goodies help the Hot Rod Lincoln come to life in grand style. Yet I pity the turbo-chicken; its first owner thinks his pride and joy deserves a full restoration. No dice, but now we know that one man's trash can also be his treasure.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 6 comments

24 Hours of LeMons Altamont: Max Mosley Penalty

By Jonny Lieberman
May 17, 2008 -

There are numerous reasons why the running of the 24 Hours of LeMons represents the world's best motor racing. Driver skill, huge purses and fancy machinery blistering around the track using the latest in high tech whizbangs aren't amongst them. Even so, LeMons isn't just a bunch of junk heaps running around a track bashing into each other. It's a bunch of junk heaps running around a track bashing into each other with an officiating crew. Should you get out of line (by, say, smashing through the tire chicanes), you get a warning. Should you choose to ignore said warning, they whip out a paint ball gun and shoot your car (this happened to the Black Metal V8olvo). The paint ball is, in effect, a black flag. The driver must leave the track and sit in the penalty box for 30 minutes. But LeMons ain't hockey (it's more violent)– you don't just sit there. No, you get to spin the Wheel of Punishment so the Ides of Fate can choose appropriate castigation. Like this poor sap from the Axles of Evil Audi 4000 Quattro. He got the Max Mosley penalty. And no, it's not having to watch F1 on the Speed Channel for half an hour. Enjoy!

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 4 comments

LeMons Update: Team Black Metal V8olvo Finished 15th

By Jonny Lieberman
May 12, 2008 -

What a race. Ninety cars started the event. I have no idea how many cars finished the race, but it was a lot fewer than that. Due to inexperience and a poor game plan, we were in 47th position on Saturday when sadly and quite horribly, another driver — Cort Summerfield — died of a heart attack behind the wheel. The CHP determined there was no mechanical failure and that Cort was dead before he hit the wall. I know I speak for all the teams when I report that what followed was a very long, emotional and mostly sleepless night. We all wanted to race, but it was hard to see the point during the wee hours of Saturday night. After a touching memorial given by LeMons organizer Jay Lamm, we fired up our engines at 9:30 am Sunday morning after Cort's teammates assured us that's what he would have wanted. I was first up, 47 places down on brand new, cold tires. Gulp. After some not-too-shabby driving (if I do say so myself), I moved us from 47th to 35th. Then I lost the power steering belt and had to pit. The crew fixed the belt and Jack Baruth hopped in. For the next two hours and 42 minutes no one passed the V8olvo. And Jack passed everybody. He even managed to pop off the fourth fastest lap time of the day, bringing us to a respectable 20th place. My teammates John (Evil Genius of Evil Genius Racing), Wayne and Jesse managed to pick up the baton and hammer down just as hard. We finished in 15th place, climbing 29 positions on the day. You can expect both a full report from me, as well as Team Black Metal V8olvo finishing a bit higher in December at Thunderhill. Oh yes, we're doing it again.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | Editorial Podcasts | Podcasts | 12 comments

LeMons Update: Black Metal V8olvo Wows ‘Em at the Car Show

By Jonny Lieberman
May 9, 2008 -

Well friends, tomorrow is the big race (my birthday as it turns out). Yesterday, Speed:Sport:Life's own Jack Baruth and I assisted our lead mechanic Dave (aka Hellhammer) put the final touches on the V8olvo. And I'm proud to report, she's beautiful. So beautiful in fact that we simply had to take it down to an every-other-Thursday type car show to let the vintage domestic aficionados know what some seriously grim and frostbitten Gothenburg steel looks like. Surprisingly, they loved it. Actually, it's not so surprising. I mean, what's not to love about a 1984 Volvo 244 stuffed with a Ford 302 and a five-speed? Plus a radiator from a 560SEL. Springs and sway bar from Thunderbird. Oh, and fans. Lots and lots of fans. We figured we might as well show our LeMons racer off to the public before it gets t-boned by a Corrado and appears less, um, shapely. Sigh. Wish us luck, we're going to need it. Or not (evil laughter goes here). Check back here Saturday and Sunday for updates on the LeMony action!

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 12 comments

LeMons Update: The Black Metal V8olvo Has Paint

By Jonny Lieberman
May 5, 2008 -

The boys hauled the V8olvo (an '84 Volvo 244 with a Ford V8 of some vintage stuffed under the hood) up to Thunderhill for some pre-race diagnostics. The good news: we have good handling, sufficient power and adequate brakes. If you think I'm holding my cards close to my vest, I am. The bad news? A cooling problem and the oil pump seized. But that was before the crew pulled off three heroic 14-hour days in a row. Now we have the radiator from a 560SEL chilling down all 302 cubic inches. In fact, the V8olvo is in such dominating shape that it received a paint job. Yes sir, that's a Swedish Rebel Flag. With the 13 stars of the CSA. Representing what, we have no idea, but Judah Benjamin would be proud.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 9 comments

24 Hour LeMons: Carbon Fiber Madness!

By Mike Solowiow
April 29, 2008 -

For Audi fans, Treser was THE modifier in the 1980's and 1990's. The firm created a very quick (and sought after) Audi 5000 Turbo (Audi 200 in Europe), a Quattro convertible (capital Q), and many others. I happened to stumble upon one of Treser's last creations, a slightly used Audi 200 Turbo quattro. While the engine, interior, and body panels were rotted, the carbon fiber hood and trunk-lid were not. Mr. Mehta and Mr. Lieberman, you can no longer call my Audi V8 quattro "fat." Like me, we are both turning into lean, mean muscled machines that will obliterate all Lincolns/Volvos in our path. Quattro uber alles!

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 19 comments

LeMons Update: We Got Fireproof Suits

By Jonny Lieberman
April 21, 2008 -

Less than three weeks remain before the start of the big race. And if Team Black Metal V8olvo happens to crash during the Altamont leg of the traveling 24 Hours of LeMons circus, at least we won't burn. Plus, since our donor car is at least 79.2% Volvo (what, you missed the Fiero wing?) you know we're totally safe. My Grandma always told me that when a cat poops on your car it's good luck. I'm sure after 700 years of near constant pogroms, a little kitty turd was a pleasant turn of events. I mention this because while I was doing my best Tommie Smith/John Carlos impersonation in the above pic, I stepped in dog shit. Yup, brand new flame-retardant shoes on my feet for less than five-minutes and they're already covered in crap. That's too much Passover wine for you. Still, I'm thinking about not washing the Pyrotech sneaker and changing my racing name from "Necrobutcher" to "Count Stinkfoot." Oh, and for the four of you paying attention, we finally got our team motto figured, "Most Grim and Frostbitten Necrowrenches Bloodlustfully Blaspheming the Forbidden Forsaken Fjord Sacrilegiously Perched Atop the Unholy and Inverted Mountain of Altamont." Mehta, Solowiow, consider your gooses pre-cooked.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 5 comments

24 Hours of LeMons: It’s On!

By Mike Solowiow
April 11, 2008 -

Mr. Mehta, and Mr. Lieberman,

I fear not your V8olvo, nor your red-benecked Lincoln, as I have ditched my Audi 4000 quattro beater (due to many eaten axles, a blown head gasket, and more electrical issues than British Leyland) for something truly unholy. For $0, yes, zero dinero, I have scored a full-on, 260bhp (stock!) 1991 Audi V8 quattro. A car so legendary, that it was banned from the IMSA GTO and German DTM series. Come to think of it, quattro has been banned from rallying, IMSA, DTM and probably the real LeMans in the future… from what has yours been banned for "unfair advantage" recently?

Vorsprung durch technik uber alles!

Sincerely,

Captain Mike Solowiow
Future LeMons Champion

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 36 comments

24 Hrs. of LeMons: Mehta’s Lemon-Aid

By Sajeev Mehta
April 9, 2008 -

Rockabilly's in my blood and somewhere the late, great Charlie Ryan is smiling down on us. Man, they won't know what hit them, 'cause that Lincoln body makes it "look like a pup." Its true, after scoring a wrecked 1995 Mustang GT in the junkyard.  And why not? This pacified Pony Car had the perfect upgrade for a Hot Rod Lincoln eager to stomp on a certain Audi 4000 run by Captain Mike Solowiow: a Tremec T-5 transmission. And yes Mr. Lieberman, its true! V8 Volvos shake in fear, as Dearborn's finest offers a Fox body slushbox conversion sans the (LeMons crippling) cost of a new driveshaft. The price of such pleasure?  All of $65 at Pick-A-Part's half price sale, including a decent flywheel, clutch and cables. And it's precisely why you'll rarely see me shoe shopping, but I'm always down for a boneyard run.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 13 comments

LeMons Update: Black Metal V8olvo Is Nigh

By Jonny Lieberman
April 8, 2008 -

As the 24 Hours of LeMons May 10 race date draws closer, my teammates in Northern California continue to clang, weld and bleed all over our Volvo 244 with a Ford V8 stuffed into the bay. Despite the audacity of our entry, we're quite fortunate to have two "veteran" hotrod builders on staff, Wayne and Dave. You know what they say, old guys rule. According to reports from the garage, these two can fabricate, fix or bend anything to their will. Amazingly, Wayne made the Volvo's throttle components work with our Holley carb. Awesome. Other progress notes of note include a completed fuel filler system Sawzalled right through the trunk lid using the factory Volvo cap, a hood scoop (adds several hundred horsepower, no doubt), the majority of the wiring plus the gauges and the brakes are (mostly) assembled. Now all that's left is a series of Herculean tasks that will keep their knuckles bloody red and their dreams filled with terror right up until race day. Pray for Black Metal.

Posted in LeMons | News Blog | 7 comments