Who’d have thunk it? The New York Times reports that despite being designed to become the world’s cheapest car, the Tata Nano isn’t attracting as many budget buyers as you might expect. Only 20 percent of Nano orders (India market only) are currently for the base model, a $2,600 vehicle. Half of all orders are for the top-of-the-line model, which boasts such ameneties as cup holders and air conditioning but costs some 40 percent more than a base model. When the Nano was announced, its lowest possible cost was widely touted to claims that it would become “India’s Model T.” And though the low-cost-at-all-costs approach hasn’t been wildly popular, orders for the well-optioned model will help Tata stay out of a profit-draining battle on price alone. But that isn’t stopping competitors from planning ever-cheaper models. Renault/Nissan is planning a $2,500 model developed in conjunction with Bajaj Auto. Toyota is also rumored to be pursuing a low-cost car for the Indian market.

In the WTF dept., “Hyundai Motor India is planning to shift production of one of its premium models to Europe after a strike over unionization at its south India plant that led to the mass arrest of 750 protesters,” reports Financial Times.

The move reflects growing skepticism of international automakers about the political climate in what used to be one of the world’s most promising growth markets.

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There’s only one thing worse than realizing you’re a cynical bastard: realizing you’re a cynical bastard and the world really IS that corrupt. Oh well. The truth hurts, both giving and receiving. In this case, I had high hopes for the Tata Nano. As the son of a Romanian immigrant for whom car ownership was proof positive that America is the world’s greatest country, I believe that the motorization of the world’s largest democracy would unleash that nation’s creativity, productivity and prosperity. But when Tata “launched” the Nano two days ago, without a factory to produce it, I smelled a rat[tan]. The next day, there it was: Tata’s in not-so “secret negotiations” for a billion dollar UK bailout for their ill-advised—not to say hubristic—purchase of Jaguar and Land Rover. So, there’s your timing then. Oh, and the announcement on Autobloggreen this morning that the NSFA (Not Safe For America) Tata will export the micro-car to America (with a few mods, ’natch) in 2011 or 2012 (or 2020) is not to be taken seriously. The argument that Tata’s pie-in-the-sky promise to do the same for Europe actually weakens the case, not strengthens it. Or maybe that’s just me being cynical again. One can only hope.

Autocar reports that Indian automaker Tata will spend part of its day launching their NSFA (Not Safe for America) Nano in Mumbai. In case you’d forgotten—what with all the delays—the Nano is slated to be the world’s cheapest car. “The tinny four-door will sell for 100,000 rupees or $1979 (£1366) when the company takes bookings next month.” Sorry, typo. “Tiny.” So, it’s not REALLY launching the car. And it’s only TAKING BOOKINGS next month. Autocar reveals that DELIVERY will start well after the factory’s built, which “should be up and running next year, despite delays caused by an industrial dispute, but may only have capacity to build 350,000 cars a year. Until then Tata is thought to only be able to provide 50,000 cars annually.” So less, later, maybe from Mumbai. So what’s up with that? “Despite facing huge demand for the Nano, experts estimate the car will not create enough revenue to refinance by June a $2 billion (£1.3 bn) bridging loan Tata used to buy Land Rover and Jaguar from Ford.” Spinning wheels. Got to go ’round.

India’s Tata has gone from darling to dumpling in just a year. The high profile Nano People’s Car project still hasn’t gone into production, and the $2.3b purchase of Jaguar and Land Rover now seems spectacularly ill-timed. Business Week recently covered the story with these great opening notes: “What a difference a year makes.”  India is in the throes of its own economic crisis; thanks to high inflation, high interest rates, tight credit markets, excessive corporate debt and a suddenly spending averse middle class. Pretty much like most places in the world, but a little different.

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The Financial Times (sub) is pissed. Pissed at Peter Mandelson, Britain’s business secretary, and his planned bail-out of Jaguar Land Rover. Forgetting the old school of not mixing reporting with opinion, the FT pulls out the flame thrower and blasts away: “It is hard to imagine a less deserving candidate. The luxury carmaker fails the public interest test on two key grounds. First, its products are of questionable social utility. For the government to allocate scarce funds to prop up the production of the 4.2 Litre V8 Petrol Supercharged Jaguar is a nonsense. It has a top speed of more than 150mph, emits 299g of carbon dioxide per kilometre and costs about three times the average annual wage. True, the UK car industry employs 190,000 people directly and supports several hundred thousand more once components and retailing are taken into account. But if Mr Mandelson wants the government to underwrite this £50b industry, he should harness such public funds as are available to develop the green cars of the future, not pander to vested interests.”

Hmmm. Let us remind you: This is not a rabid blog. This is the venerable Financial Times. We kid you not. Would the pink Financial Times be so ferocious if Land Rover and Jaguar still be a company that’s firmly in British hands? We guess not. The FT seems to have issues with the current owners of Land Rover and Jaguar, who happen to sit in one of Britain’s old and long departed crown colonies. After refilling the flame thrower, the FT launches an incendiary attack in the easterly direction:
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..although some US dealers might be nice! Indian firm Mahindra and Mahindra showed this tasty little neo-Willys at the recent Bologna auto show. The the 12-foot long, 1.5 ton off-roader concept sports a 2.5 liter diesel four, making 108 hp and 250 Nm. And since it is just a concept, that’s about all the info that Auto Motor und Sport could dig up.

Since the first mutterings of an auto industry bailout, the idea has wrapped itself in unabashedly patriotic rhetoric. Now that the battle for the billions has been joined, this nationalist veneer is reaching near-self-parody levels of earnestness. All the while we’ve been arguing that saving American jobs and saving the Detroit Three in their current forms are mutually exclusive goals. As reality slowly becomes too real to ignore, directors, representatives and pundits are beginning to acknowledge this trade-off, although you might be surprised by how they’re playing. Or, if you’re as cynical as we are, not. The gameplan comes from Mark Phelan of the Detroit Free Press, who argues that to survive, Ford and GM must “must show a business plan that’s profitable at much lower sales volume and has upside flexibility to build more vehicles and for workers to make more money with overtime. This will require plant closures and layoffs.” At home, of course. Meanwhile, Phelan argues that “GM and Ford’s greatest assets are their worldwide facilities and capabilities…

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Chinese mothers don’t admonish their one-and-only child to “eat up, there are children starving back in America.” But we’re getting there. Case in point: This weekend, another Rolls-Royce showroom opened in Shenzen, Gasgoo reports. It’s the seventh Rolls Royce retail location in China. Another one, located in China’s industrial center Ningbo, will open its doors in a few months. Rollers are on a roll in China. I counted two Phantoms alone in the underground garage of my Beijing building. At the Shenzen opening, Rolls presented their new Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupé to the Chinese public. It’s their entry model. “Nearly two-thirds of Coupé customers worldwide have not owned a Rolls-Royce before,” said Jenny Zheng, Rolls-Royce Motor Cars’ General Manager for Greater China. BMW are thanking their lucky stars…

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FIAT and Tata have been cosying up to each other for some time. Ratan Tata was elected to the board of Directors at FIAT at Sergio Marchionne’s request, FIAT are looking to supply engines for Land Rover and Jaguar (A Jaguar XK with a Ferrari sourced engine? Fancy that!) and their joint ventures in India. But it seems, FIAT want a slice of Tata pie now (no, dirty jokes, please). The Economic Times of India reports that FIAT want to launch their version of the “world cheapest car” by 2010. However, Sergio Marchionne (FIAT’s CEO) didn’t disclose the price of the car. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I’m guessing it’s got to be less that Tata’s $2500 for the Nano, if it’s to qualify as “the world’s cheapest car”. Marchionne also didn’t say how it would be built, where it would be built, how much would be shared with the Nano, or how many Bothans died to bring us this information. Meanwhile, doesn’t Tata need to sort out its own production issues first?