Buy a Toyota Prius and you get a backup camera, keyless ignition, iPod integration and travel over 50 miles for every gallon of gas poured therein. Buy an Audi RS4 and you don’t even get self-dimming mirrors, and you can only drive 11 miles per gallon of dead dinos (EPA notwithstanding). The Prius will set you back $25k. The RS4 costs three Prii. At freeway speeds, the Toyota is a near silent and comfortable cruiser, whereas the Audi sounds and feels like a volcano making love to an avalanche.
I only tell you this because the moment I saw the RS4 a Toyota angel appeared on my left shoulder and an Audi demon manifested itself on my right. And then I drove the RS4 and the demon kicked the snot out of the angel.
Allow me to dispense with the unimportant stuff. The RS4 looks like Shawne Merriman in a tight blue shirt, its mirrors are too small and the interior is stereotypically Audi-perfect minus the ugly, useless strip of tacky carbon fiber trim half-circling the dash. The stereo sounds tinny and the back seats are a joke. Got it? Good.
Most buff books clock the RS4’s 0-60 time at 4.6 seconds. That’s stupid fast indeed, just ahead of its main competition, the M3. However, what they leave out is that the RS4 can do 0-110 in 4.7 seconds. Or at least it feels like it can.
Blindfolded, you would swear the Audi is being launched from a trebuchet. Sitting forward of the front wheels is an all-aluminum, 317lbs., 4.2-liter miracle of human imagination. Yes, it makes 420hp, but so does a Dodge SRT-8. While fun, the Dodge Boys’ 6.1-liter Hemi is far from miraculous. The RS4’s V8 is nothing short of a revelation.
Let’s say you’re cruising at 80mph in sixth-gear and the engine is doing 3,000rpm, the mechanical equivalent of sipping a latte. You downshift to fifth and the engine quickly and smoothly spins up to 4,000rpm. In most cars, the engine would slow you down; the RS4 just screams louder and burns more gas. Your velocity remains unchanged.
More proof? In first gear, release the clutch without touching the go-pedal. You won’t stall. You’ll go. Also, a V8 with an 8,250rpm redline is mechanical heroin.
Fine, so the engine is a torque-tastic beast, but they put it in an Audi so it’s nothing more than a bloated understeerer totally devoid of road feel and reflexes, right? Dead wrong. I have a turgid, secret back road I use to evaluate the handling prowess of my testers.
Until this week, Porsche’s Boxster was the champ. I could whip it through the turns at 70mph. For comparison’s sake, the nearly-as-nifty handling Miata could “only” do the twists at about 60mph. The RS4 dominated the two-mile stretch at 100mph, and if I wasn’t so ham-fisted it could have gone faster. Much faster.
Audi used every trick in the playbook to get the RS4 – with 58% of its weight over the front wheels – to handle near-on perfectly. Credit the DRC (Dynamic Ride Control) which hydraulically links the diagonal suspension bits to each other. As the front wheels read the road, the rear shocks preemptively (and correctly) react. This setup works so well the WRC just banned it.
The engineers also made sure every body panel in front of the doors is composed of kilogram saving aluminum. And the 19″ Pirellis are fantastic. While the initial turn in isn’t as effortless and eager as say an EVO, this two-ton all-wheel driver can safely carry more speed through a corner than you can handle. After the apex, the RS4 can blast sideways with such force that you will swear you are piloting violence.
And that’s before you push the innocuous little button marked “S.” Normally, the RS4 is faster than whatever car you are driving next to, sounds bonkers and has a devastatingly punishing ride. Push the button though, and three things happen.
First, the throttle control is remapped so that the rev-happy mill will crank faster with less input. Second, valves open in the mufflers changing the sound from Howard Dean’s scream to Gunnery Sgt. Hartman showing Joker his war face. Lastly, the shocks get firmer and the ride goes from mercilessly painful to f-you. I absolutely love it. Forget violence, you are now driving war.
There aren’t enough superlatives (or space) to properly describe the vulgar joy of driving an RS4. For instance, I haven’t even mentioned that the brakes are stolen from Lamborghini’s Gallardo. Nor did I tell you that while normally quite brave and stupid, I was too frightened to turn off the handling nanny. In short, if you have the means, the RS4 is your end. Right. Now excuse me. I’ve got some sinning to do before the Audi man comes and it’s time to repent.
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Forget violence, you are now driving war.
Awesome stuff! I can’t afford one and wouldn’t spend that kind of money if I could, but reading this review makes me want one. Nice write up Jonny and it sounds like this is one hell of a car.
It’s cars like these that remind us why we become “petrolheads” in the first place.
Nobody needs a car this fast. Nobody needs a .44 Desert Eagle automatic either… But they are both something you would rather have than the other guy.
Wow. Lucky guy.
BTW, dinoflagellates are microscopic plankton, at the bottom of the food chain.
Nobody needs a car this fast. Nobody needs a .44 Desert Eagle automatic either… But they are both something you would rather have than the other guy.
BINGO!!
Just when I thought it was the best opening paragraph ever, you keep it up for the whole review. Forget any shortcomings, fair & balanced is overrated when it comes to a car that defies most practical sensibilities. Does it come in an Avant?
Oh, and continuing the theme:
The fact that you’ve got ‘Replica’ written down the side of your gun, and the fact that mine says ‘Desert Eagle .50′, should precipitate your balls into shrinking
Yes, but how does it compare to the Roewe 750E?
I wonder if the local Audi dealer is stupid enough to let me test drive one without a background check and 50% down?
Get ready for the hits: I just submitted this to fark and it went green. So if the servers explode at 12:05 eastern, please don’t get mad at me ;)
Too good not to share!
…..Second, valves open in the mufflers changing the sound from Howard Dean’s scream to Gunnery Sgt. Hartman showing Joker his war face. Lastly, the shocks get firmer and the ride goes from mercilessly painful to f-you. I absolutely love it. Forget violence, you are now driving war.
It’s because of writing like this that I come back every day….thanks Jonny
Uh oh, you’ve been farked! Well, that’s one way to increase readship. :D
Jeebus. Could you have crammed any more stupid phrases in that review? I gave up after the first paragraph.
“…sounds and feels like a volcano making love to an avalanche…”
Wonderful write-up. I wept for want of this car.
*sigh*….i love that car. i see one driving around my town every now and then and i turn the radio off and roll the windows down so i can hear it…
Does it come in an Avant?
Yes it does…It even comes as the convertible. Don’t know if they are going to ship them to the US as well though. In any case US buyers don’t get the sport steering wheel that’s flattend at the bottom side.
Btw, not only the brakes are stolen from the Gallardo, the engine is too. 4/5ths of it anyway.
i’ve been down the road of paying bunches of money for that awesome ride you just gotta have. it’s a lot like marrying some gorgeous babe with perfect boobs but not much else.
several things happen fairly quickly. the punishing ride, shitty mirrors, useless rear seats and yes especially the punishing ride become more and more irritating and THEN a newer, faster, better looking car with not such a shitty ride (like the next M3 or some AMG machine) comes along, your gotta have ride is worth about 50% of what you paid for it, and you kick yourself for being so stupid. (the same occurs for the babe)
Fortunately, selling the suddenly shitmobile is far easier than divorcing the big tits, and life goes on. for most of us, a car like the 335i is the far better choice for the long term.
mechanical heroin… sweet!
Nice Jonny, classic Farago!
reviews like this make it harder and harder to justify the ridiculous prices asked for porsches. this car and certainly the next M3 will blow naturally aspirated 911s into the weeds with enough money left over to get a used Prius for schlepping.
Great article, creative use of “turgid” and “dinoflagellate” notwithstanding.
I’d like to see a comparo of the RS4 and my all time shift it yourself 4 door fave, the E39 M5.
I’ll never undersand why the Germans insist on gearing their cars so short….there’s no need for 80mph to be a 3000 rpm gas guzzling racket with a big V8. You’d think with gas prices what they are in Europe, they would want a Corvette-esque super tall OD to cruise the autobahn.
Lieberman – god i love audis, i love them all. great review, thanks, i want ur job like now.
Blunozer – i would never have some thing just cause someone else does not have it. i dont really care what anyone else “has”.
It comes in an Avant, and a cabrio! speaking of coming…never mind. I dream of this car. this is what I fantisize about when my girlfriend asks me for the eightieth time if I love her. Everything about the RS4 says “doing lines off a stripper’s ass, while midgets and donkeys dance around the pope doing a strip tease” good time. Can somebody please loan me 80 large? my Jetta is cramping me style, yo.
RS4 $66,000
911 $72,000
the 911 will likely be much nicer to ride in and be able to keep on any public road with any amateur driver behind the wheel of either car. but if you regularly need a back seat the Audi is a nice choice.
Yournamehere: I’ve driven both.
The RS4 would leave the 911 for dead. And the M3. And why would a 911 be nicer to ride in? You mean the ride?
DocV8 — this is an E39 M5 that’s smaller, lighter, with 20 more HP, more revs, better brakes and supernatural grip.
My only gripe handling/performance-wise is the initial turn in, which is too heavy. Makes my WRX feel like a go-cart. However, if you muscle it, the Audi dances. And hangs on, and hangs on, and hangs on… and hangs on.
The S4 is a nice car and if I could have afforded one I would have gotten a 04. The RS4 is just a great machine from what I’ve seen. Kudos to Audi.
It’s good to hear that the RS4 kicked the snot out of the Prius. But does it kick the snot out of a M3, or a C55 AMG? Readers need some references to properly feel what you feel. Otherwise, how can we distinguish a RS4 from a Civic, since the latter kicks the snot out of the Prius too?
It kicks the snot out of everything.
Just saw your comments on RS4 vs. 911/M3. I am not rich enough to afford either, so I cannot judge the driving dynamics. But, from the looks, I would take a 911 over an RS4 in a heartbeat.
I think the EPA should hire Jonny to do some real world testing. I bet he could get the Prius down to 15 mpg.
Great review.
jonny.
The E39 is clearly bigger, and from the sound of it, more comfort oriented than the RS4.
But there is less than a 100 lb difference in curb weights, and the BMW has far less than 58% of its weight up front. Also, the extra twenty or so peak flywheel HP is needed to offset the increased frictional losses of its AWD layout.
I’m looking forward to seeing how the extra flexibilty of the 8200 rpm redline and rear biased AWD grip feels compared to my old E39. It sure sounds like this car may be a more worthy successor to the best sport sedan on the planet than BMW’s own new luxofied E60 M5.
Jonny, brilliant review.
I like this car a lot. I got to take a (very brief) drive in one last week. You’re right on all counts. It’s kind of a guilty pleasure. There is NO practical reason to get this car, and this is a part of what makes it so great.
Out of curiosity, what did you think of the clutch feel? I found it released a little high.
Lantern42:
The clutch and the stick are pretty, well… bad is not the word, but around town, I’d take a Honda — any Honda — any day.
That said, once you get on the road and really begin shifting, they are perfect. Speed shifting becomes simple. You can bang your passengers’s heads against the headrests with ease. Which I did. Cause I’m a jerk.
As far as MPG goes… the first day, in which I burned through a tank of gas in less than 200 miles, I averaged 11.2mpg.
I knew I could do better, so the next day I got it down to 10.6mpg.
I’ve never been prouder.
It’s like what Woody Allen said when asked if he thought sex was dirty, “If you’re doing it right.”
phil:
October 27th, 2006 at 10:21 am
i’ve been down the road of paying bunches of money for that awesome ride you just gotta have. it’s a lot like marrying some gorgeous babe with perfect boobs but not much else.
several things happen fairly quickly. the punishing ride, shitty mirrors, useless rear seats and yes especially the punishing ride become more and more irritating and THEN a newer, faster, better looking car with not such a shitty ride (like the next M3 or some AMG machine) comes along, your gotta have ride is worth about 50% of what you paid for it, and you kick yourself for being so stupid. (the same occurs for the babe)
Fortunately, selling the suddenly shitmobile is far easier than divorcing the big tits, and life goes on. for most of us, a car like the 335i is the far better choice for the long term.
Phil, you sir are certainly an individual possessing vast insight and experience. I salute you! Great post!
Jonny, your effort here is nothing short of automotive journalistic excellence. Very informative and an extremely entertaining read!
V8….8250rpm….’nuff said
DADDY LIKE
durailer:
Yep…
My neighbor is disgustingly financially set for life, and he’s always had TWO Audis in his driveway. His nephew works for a local Audi dealership. He’s been keeping a couple-year-old A4 Quattro as his “beater” and recently traded his nearly-new S4 up for an A8L.
From the looks of this article, he traded in the wrong direction. I sense a new Audi is soon in his future. Again.
When he gets one, I’ll head over with a bottle of wine and beg a ride. If the wine’s really good, maybe I’ll get to drive.
One of your best yet, Jonny.
This was by far the best review Lieberman’s written as long as I’ve been coming here (months and months). Well done! Amusing as all hell…the “war face” bit especially.
I’ll likely never be able to afford this car, and that’s probably okay. I don’t think I *want* to pilot violence or drive war…but, again, an excellent review.
If anyone wants to know why high priced high performance SUVs make no sense, tell me what you gain in a Q7, Cayenne, etc over a RS4 Avant apart from a little added ground clearance.
Well — you can’t buy the RS4 Avant in the USA for one thing.
But, I would not make the mistake of calling the Q7 high performance. High-ish price, but decidely not a performer.
The RS4 is Dick Butkus mixed with Greg Louganis.
If memory serves me correctly, Greg Louganis would probably love to get mixed up in a piece of Dick Butkus. Not too sure if the other way around would be what Dick would want.
Greg Louganis, huh? Leaky head gasket, maybe…but you’d have to go with the avant when you talk about putting anything substantial in the rear.
Please, Farago, suspend your 800 word limit, just this once, and let the man write another 800 on this car.
I want more.
Jonny… were you tearing ass on the angels creast in this love machine?
I have a feeling GodBlessTTAC is a Narc.
great review! if you’re driving on the certain 2-mile road I think you are, then 100mph is astounding.
Jonny – remember: plausible deniability
PerfectZero
All I can say is that “Weeds” is on Showtime Mondays at 10:00 pm ET/PT.
Nice review, nice car!
This year was my time for the 2nd car. An RS4 near the 2001 S4 sounded good. I have been in a blue RS4. But…
1. Heavier
2. Nose heavy
3. More expensive
4. Less power and torque
So I have got a Corvette Z06 and I have no regrets!
Sorry Audi… Maybe next time :-)
Oh, well, yeah — the Z06 is in another class of vehicles altogether.
Yes, it is a different class.
But let us agree that when talking about getting a 2nd car the performance and price rule!
I enjoyed the review Jonny! Lively and colorful. Very good!
When i said class, I meant class as in the Z06 is in a class of cars that the RS4 can’t compete with.
Let’s just say that I’m glad Sajeev got tasked with reviewing the Z06 instead of me, because I’d be all out of hyperbole by paragraph two.