QOTD: How Many Cylinders Do You Own?

Ever been in a situation where you desperately need to change the topic? Y’know, when Uncle Ray starts in on his political views at the family reunion or Aunt Madge decides to dunk her false teeth in a glass during the wedding rehearsal. Whatever the rock and hard place, it’s always handy to have a harmless question guaranteed to simmer down the dialogue.

Here’s a sure-fire question to get the conversation back on track, especially if you’re amongst a group of gearheads: How many cylinders do you own?

It’s a great question to ask, as it indubitably leads to further jawing about cars and engines. It may also lead to a passionate defence of a particular choice of wheels, or take a turn to the eternal Ford vs Chevy debate; in both cases, well, you’re on your own.

Me? Well, let’s count ‘em: eight cylinders in the Ram, six in the Charger, four in the plow rig, four more in the dirt track car (a generous description of that heap), one in The Boy’s off-road ATV, one each in both my snowblowers (I am from a place in the world where what falls from the sky is not to be believed so, yes, I own two snowblowers and a plow rig), and one in the Weed Eater. Plus two in the John Deere. That’s twenty-eight. A few years ago, my much-missed Lincoln Mark VII would’ve added eight more. Alas.

Cylinders that don’t belong to you don’t count, so that gas-powered hedge trimmer you borrowed from Ned five years ago is not permitted. Nor is the “project car” your buddy dropped off in 1996 under veiled threats from his Better Half. Generators, lawn mowers, and gas-powered pressure washers are all fair game.

Let’s see who among us can be declared winner of the inaugural TTAC Cylinder Count Award. There is no prize, other than the assurance you’ll be able to turn the conversation away from Aunt Madge’s teeth at the next family reunion.