Ace of Base: 2017 Ford Fiesta

After being taken to task for selecting an Ace of Base with all the financial restraint of MC Hammer during his peak earning years, I went on a bit of a hatchback kick. Nothin’ wrong with hatchbacks, even if they are often shunned like lepers by the American buying public. I learned to drive in a hatchback, then endured enjoyed a parade of five-doors during my, erm, formative years.

With that in mind, let’s see what the Blue Oval has in store for us at its most basic of five-door price points: a base Fiesta S Hatch.

… ah … um … oh dear.

Nope. I can’t do it. Only three colors, all of them on the greyscale. A sombre interior. And an infotainment system with buttons from Worf’s forehead.

*grumbles, clicks furiously on Ford’s build-and-price tool, takes a hearty swig of Newfoundland rum*

I have an idea. How about a no-options Fiesta ST? Yes, that’s the ticket. It can be argued the ST is a model onto itself, owing to the fact it’s filled to the gunwales with unique kit and ST-specific items. Starting MSRP for the 197-horsepower fun machine? $21,140. Adjusted for inflation, that’s less than my parents paid for an 88-horsepower Ford Escort in 1989.

You know those small dogs that are only about the size of a football but have excited, boundless energy? That’s the canine version of the Fiesta ST. Its 1.6L turbocharged inline-four makes Ford’s littlest, lightest car a blast to drive. The hatchback bodystyle means there’s an extra dose of practicality added to the mix, making it an easier sell to skeptical spouses. The eye-popping Molten Orange paint might give away its sporting intentions, not to mention it’s a $595 option. Stick to the $0 Magnetic Grey or Shadow Black and unsuspecting family members will think you simply bought a sensible hatchback.

The largest and most extravagant of the ST’s options are a set of $1,995 Recaro seats, which serve to pinch the torsos of the driver and their passenger. Sure, the racing inspired seats do a great job of holding you and your hostage passenger in place during an autocross, but chances are being wrapped up by a boa constrictor on the daily commute will get old real fast. Leave ‘em on the shelf and take the stock seats.

The standard Sony audio system is more than adequate, pumping out tunes through eight speakers. The $795 nav system can remain unchecked on the option sheet; use your phone instead. And surely — surely — you’re not vain enough to splash out an extra $395 for red brake calipers, right? Right? I mean, I don’t know anyone who delights in driving loud, obnoxious machinery. Nope. Not me. No sir.

It must be noted, for this year, the European ST doesn’t offer a 1.6-litre inline-four. Ford engineers on the other side of the pond are installing an EcoBoost-based 1.5-liter turbocharged three-cylinder engine. Despite the loss in cylinder count, power reportedly goes up to 200 horsepower, while torque grows to 214 lb-ft. We know all about three-cylinder Fiestas at TTAC, so stay tuned to see if Ford brings this three-banger to the States.

For now, I’ll enjoy the Fiesta ST we have. Without any extra options, of course.

Not every base model has aced it. The ones that have? They help make the automotive landscape a lot better. Any others you can think of, B&B? Let us know in the comments. Naturally, feel free to eviscerate our selections.

The model above is shown with American options and is priced in American dollars absent of freight and available rebates. As always, your dealer may sell for less.