Today’s the day we celebrate an Irish guy who probably isn’t responsible for banishing snakes from the Emerald Isle, usually by guzzling beer tinted with bowel-loosening amounts of green food coloring.
Across a tiny sea from that land, a much more vibrant color caused the inhabitants of one historic British town to rebel against the tyranny wrought by a compact hatchback. We’re happy to inform you that order has now been restored.
In the medieval Gloucestershire village of Bibury lies the historic Arlington Row, a 13th century street that’s familiar to any UK citizen. The narrow roadway, which winds its way up a gentle slope amidst quaint stone houses, is pictured on UK passports. As such, locals don’t take kindly to anything that disrupts the view. Arlington Road’s heritage status is protected by the UK government.
Enter one Peter Maddox, an 84-year-old pensioner who turned the village upside down with a single purchase: a two-door Vauxhall Corsa hatchback. Maddox had lived in the village for 15 years, but the new addition to his household — which he parked outside his home, in full view of any sightseers — sparked an upswelling of anger.
I’m picturing a scene from Straw Dogs, only with a Vauxhall Corsa in the Dustin Hoffman role.
According to The Telegraph, Maddox emerged from his home in January to find the word “move” etched into his hood with a key. Total damage to his vandalized Corsa amounted to more than $7,000.
Aware that continued ownership of a yellow car would only lead to more simmering resentment, as well as more property crimes, Maddox felt compelled to rid the village of the unwelcome occupant. As of this week, Arlington Row’s historic view has more or less been restored, all thanks to a new Vauxhall Corsa. This one, decked out in a medium gray, tries its best to blend into its damp, overcast British surroundings.
“Hopefully I won’t have any trouble with it, although I never intended to cause a problem with the yellow one,” Maddox stated.
Helpfully, The Telegraph allowed readers to view the before-and-after impact of the Corsa’s paint switcheroo. The Crisis in the Cotswolds, thankfully, seems to be over.