Ace of Base: American V8 Muscle

A few months ago, I promised the B&B they would never see American muscle cars in this Ace of Base series. Why? Well, it’s my firm belief the likes of Mustang, Camaro, and Challenger should be permanently equipped with a V8 engine and its accompanying sultry exhaust note.

I am here before you today not to break my promise, but — as I’ve said to my wife on occasion — to creatively keep my promise. Let’s find out what shoppers get for their cash in a no-option, V8-equipped example of the hairy-chested coupes hawked by the Detroit Three.

The muscle car wars is a feud as intense as the Hatfields and McCoys, and has been going on for nearly the same amount of time. It used to involve a few more players – AMC, for starters – but is now pared down to three manufacturers: Ford, Chevy, and Dodge. Generally, most folks are in one camp or another, with no in-between and bitter hatred for rivals. This assures my conclusions will summarily anger two-thirds of America’s muscle car fans. If, after reading this, you feel the need to rain hot motor oil upon me, please use 5W-20 so I can at least put it in my truck later.

2017 Dodge Challenger

Inside, a no-options R/T is equipped with a 5-inch uConnect infotainment system and not the good 8.4-inch screen, but the Challenger acquits itself with good-feeling leather wrapped around its steering wheel and shifter. Throwback gauges and deep-in-a-well seating position are also reminiscent of the ’70s. Buyers should expect to see a Monroney bearing a price of $32,890 plus $1,095 destination. That is the cheapest of all three cars.

While the Challenger has the lowest price, it also has the lowest horsepower rating and the greatest amount of pavement-pressing mass. Here is a handy chart detailing the curb weights of the three V8-equipped American muscle cars on sale today.

See why I can’t pick the Challenger? While the styling tugs on my sentimental heartstrings — I own two Dodges, remember — the 4,190-pound Challenger is seemingly hewn from a solid block of lead. Memo to Dodge: stop letting the Challenger run up to the ice cream truck every time it passes through the neighbourhood on a hot day.

That leaves the Mustang and Camaro. Gee. That’s a battle older than the ages, eh?

2017 Ford Mustang

The base V8 Mustang is priced at $33,195, plus $900 destination. Standard HID headlights will blind your oncoming enemies. Open the door, and one will find a tasty leather-wrapped wheel and shifter knob, manual climate control, and the el-cheapo stereo head unit. Drivers can call up the standard Track Apps to engage Ford’s electronic line lock to do apocalyptic burnouts. The Performance Package – bringing Brembo brakes, upgraded suspension, bigger meats, and a yaffle of stiffening braces – is a $2,995 option.

2017 Chevrolet Camaro

Twenty-inch hoops with summer runflats are part and parcel of the base V8 car, with wide 275 tires at the rear. Brembo brakes are along for the ride, too. Inside the bunker, GM makes the sensible choice to equip the thing with its large, 8-inch touchscreen equipped with SiriusXM and a backup camera. Priced at $36,905, GM slaps on a $995 destination fee.

Man, it’s a hard choice. Mustang … Camaro … Mustang … Camaro … I gotta go with the Mustang. It’s close though; the Camaro is a compelling package and I find it hard to say no to an extra 30 hp. But $3,800 is a big price difference. Considering that, one could spring for the Mustang’s optional Performance Package and still be money in pocket. Don’t though: that’ll break all the Ace of Base rules. Take the three grand and upgrade it to your own specifications … or use it for tires. With line lock, you’ll probably need ‘em.

Not every base model has aced it. The ones which have? They help make the automotive landscape a lot better. Any others you can think of, B&B? Let us know in the comments. Naturally, feel free to eviscerate our selections.

The models above is shown in Trump Bucks, absent of regional incentives and cash allowances. As always, your dealer may sell for less.