Carmoji Has the Perfect Product for Passive-Aggressive Millennials

Horns, middle fingers and withering glares have worked well for generations of motorists, and we don’t see a reason to change.

Well, a startup company is now threatening this tradition, and they’re doing it with one of the world’s biggest scourges — emojis. MotorMood wants to insert smiley and winky face emojis into volatile vehicular traffic situations with their new product, the imaginatively named Carmoji.

Your neighbours, or maybe even a friend or relative, helped MotorMood crowdfund $117,000 for this product, which operates via a sun visor-mounted button.

Call us a bunch of grouchy Luddites, but emojis are on par with — and possibly worse — than man buns, beards down to a man’s nipples, and Tumblr. Why, you ask? Why don’t you like smiley faces that light up in a vehicle’s rear window with the push of a wireless button? What’s wrong with a provocative wink or thumbs up? When did your soul die?

For starters, we’re not GM (whose emoji addiction reached Betty Ford levels last year). There’s also a creepy, detached aspect to emojis — especially smiley faces. They can seem awkward and disturbing, like Furries or a team mascot. Granted, hand clapping emojis are useful when you can’t find that gif of Orson Welles applauding in Citizen Kane.

Another thing: when would you utilize a winky face emoji in traffic? What type of vehicular interaction warrants a wink? I saw what you did there, big boy. You sly devil, you.

If a motorist wants to assert their individual liberty and spend 20 bucks on a Carmoji, that’s their right, but driving calls for a certain level of suspicion towards other drivers. Adding a Carmoji to your rear window seems a lot like adding a target to your back, and inviting others to share less-than-friendly gestures.

That’s what vegan bumper stickers are for.

[Animated image: MotorMood]