By on June 19, 2014

(WARNING: NSFW LANGUAGE!)

It’s been an important part of who knows how many stunt-filled car movies: the jump over the car carrier. Now, thanks to alcohol, we know how it would work in real life.

The official report is surprisingly free of words like “bad-ass” and “awesome” but some news stories on the incident do contain the word “impaired”. This is pretty much how I always figured a jump over a car hauler would work. Unlike bicycle or motorcycle stunt jumping, the rotation of a car that’s doing a big jump is set entirely by the conditions of launch and can’t be changed by the actions of the driver post-launch. We can chalk this one up as another case of unibody SUVs being surprisingly safe. I mean, can you imagine making a jump like this in a BOF SUV? Don’t worry, I won’t make you imagine it.

I guess that, as soul singer Keith Sweat would say, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it.

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