By on May 8, 2014

azmanjack

Although my duties as E-I-C pro tem of this august website take up quite a bit of my time, I still have space in the day to do a few other things. It would be nice, therefore, if you supported my other activities as reluctantly fervently as you support my work here at TTAC. And here’s how: For the low, low price of $4.99 and/or $1,599, respectively, you can now buy a magazine and/or a brand-new custom guitar from the skunkworks of my mirror-bright creativity.

This month’s issue of Road&Track, reaching newsstands now, tells the heroic story of how I became the first American to stand on the podium at Sepang International Circuit last year and just happened to warm the hearts of a few young Malaysian ladies along the way. (Full disclosure: the latter part was edited out because it was, in the words of an anonymous editor, “pornographic tripe that almost certainly sprang entirely from that moron’s imagination.”) I think it’s a good story, and so does my dad, and he rarely approves of anything I do, so make sure to check it out. The issue for which you’ll be looking has an Alfa 4C on the cover, which is yet another reason to take it on your next plane trip.

If you’re a musician, or just want to look like one, you might be interested in another one of my side projects. Some years ago, I hired a fellow named Chris O’Dee to build a series of guitars for me. During one of our evening jam sessions, he showed me something that he’d built on a whim for a certain long-bearded Texan blues-rock musician. We took that basic design and refined it to create the MelodyBurner, an ash-bodied, no-frills “rat guitar”. It starts at $999 but if you want to play the same MelodyBurner that I do (why you’d want to do that, I’m not sure) you’ll want to opt for the PRS-style full rosewood neck and twin-humbucker layout that runs $1,599.

burner

We just got a great review in this month’s issue of Vintage Guitar, which you can pick up while you’re at the bookstore buying your copy of Road&Track. You can find out more here. Contact us, mention TTAC, and, um, I’ll throw in a free set of Cobalt strings. I’d offer you more but frankly we’re not making a ton of money on these things. At least not yet. As soon as the waiting list exceeds twelve months (it’s at six and climbing right now) the price is going through the ceiling, I swear.

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82 Comments on “Housekeeping: I Need You To Buy A Magazine And A Custom Guitar From Me, Pronto...”


  • avatar
    mcseanerson

    Through a deal on Jalopnik (I know) I just doubled down on 2 more years on my current R&T subscription for $9. Soon as I saw you and Lutz were working on the same publication I subscribed only a few months later to be saddened by Peter Egan’s retirement

    • 0 avatar
      imag

      It’s gotten surprisingly good, actually, and I never used to like R&T. Getting Baruth and Chris Harris didn’t hurt.

      I just subscribed a month ago based on the web content and was impressed at the mag. And it’s hard to beat the price.

  • avatar
    iNeon

    What the fsk is this, man?

    For real, you only need a resume. No one’s ever been so important as to need a set of flippin’ encyclopedia written about them.

    Just stop lol

  • avatar
    FormerFF

    I’m very much enjoying your work with R&T, hope to see more in the upcoming months.

    On that guitar thing, I wish I had a use for one, but after a couple of years of lessons I came to the conclusion that not everyone was cut out to be a musician, especially me.

  • avatar
    Stumpaster

    If I buy R&T from the newsstand, which I haven’t done ever because it sucks donkey balls, and considering that the last time bought C&D from a newsstand was maybe like 10 years ago, will you trim that dark abomination roaming about your head, aka hair? It’s only fair.

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      Negative, Ghost Rider.

      I don’t let dudes tell me what my hair should look like.

      However, I could send you a lock of it in the mail for your voodoo doll.

    • 0 avatar
      VenomV12

      As I get older and I see how many of my friends are losing their hair, I have changed my views on people like Jack who wear their hair long. If you still have it, rock it for as long as you possibly can.

    • 0 avatar
      tedward

      Road and track is much, much better than it used to be. It’s definitely become my favorite american publication in short order, but it just as quickly has become rarer and rarer on newsstands.

      • 0 avatar
        WheelMcCoy

        I like the direction R&T has taken, and this particular issue (June 2014) is a keeper. Very well written Jack! And well edited too because yeah, the bit about the the Malaysian ladies would have ruined it.

        Don’t know what was more frightening — sitting in the middle seat all the way to Singapore, or roach hotel.

        I also liked Sam Smith’s “Shiftless” essay. And the piece on polarized lenses not playing well with dash instrumentation, is one of my pet peeves. I have polarized prescription glasses for driving, but next time, I will try gradient lenses.

        I do miss Peter Egan a little though.

  • avatar
    CoreyDL

    Housekeeping:

    Where is Alex D, and who will be doing serious / super cereal / involved reviews from now on?

    • 0 avatar
      davefromcalgary

      Agree. TTAC is diminished with Alex’s absence.

    • 0 avatar
      TTATTAC

      Here’s the real truth that you wont get from Jack or Derek about this. I heard this firsthand at the New York autoshow from people who know everyone involed. TTAC is actually a part of Autoguide and the guy who runs Autoguide is a fundamentalist wack job who hates LGBT people. He tried to sue Alex for all his videos and when he lost in court he retailiated by kicking him off this website. Alex is never coming back because he’s LGBT and this guy is homophobe to the max and his teatard bigoted ass cant handle having somebody Who isnt a reactionary white guy working for him. Look at Autoguide and TTAC pretty much everybody is a white man with rightwing tendencies. PoCs and LGBT: NOT WELCOME. This post will be deleted by the mods the minute it happens so screenshot and it spread the word: DISCRIMINATION IS NOT OK

      • 0 avatar

        TTATTAC, TMI. TTFN, TMK.

      • 0 avatar
        Johnny Canada

        What’s LGBT?

      • 0 avatar

        “I heard this firsthand at the New York autoshow from people who know everyone involed.”

        So your definition of “firsthand” is hearing the second-hand accounts of people not directly involved. Sounds more like third-hand knowledge to me.

        I’m not privy to the inner workings of the site, I’m just an employee, but I will point out that Alex has been contributing to the site for many years, a fact at odds with your contention that the site is a hotbed for intolerance of gay folks.

        As for “People of Color”, I’m sure that you consider Arabs to be PoCs. Since Arabs today are considered to be “brown” and since both the historical record and DNA testing shows that Jews and Arabs are indeed cousinss, that Jews are of Middle Eastern, not European, descent, can Derek, Steve and I be considered “beige” in your racialist calculus?

        Also, I’m sure that Murilee is getting a big laugh out of being called a reactionary with right wing tendencies.

      • 0 avatar

        Well, darling, the only thing you have right about yours truly is that I’m as white as my favorite fashion-designing unicorn (who is actually a light grey, but as her sister Sweetie Belle would proclaim, “It’s all white!”).

        Also: Your comment is still very much alive and well here, dear; Derek and Jack aren’t like the previous EIC.

        Finally, those are some big allegations you’re throwing out here; do show us the money, please… if you have any at all to show, that is.

      • 0 avatar
        doug-g

        Alex is still listed as an editor. If *any* of this is true, some publication would have a great story. Then, Jalopnik could Photoshop a picture, write a paragraph and post a link to it.

      • 0 avatar
        Matt Foley

        It’s all the Koch Brothers’ fault!

      • 0 avatar
        DC Bruce

        There may actually be a pearl in all of this manure.

        As a lawyer, I can understand how there might be a problem if Alex wanted to take his video reviews that appeared on this site and use them on his “alexonautos” site, if things weren’t — as we lawyers say — “properly documented.” The general rule is that — absent a contract providing otherwise — an artistic work made by an employee for his employer is the intellectual property of the employer, not the employee. Even if he’s an independent contractor, under the “work for hire” doctrine, if he’s paid by the article, the default position is that the site owns the article.

        Hopefully some sort of cross-licensing deal can be worked out that allows Alex’s work to be visible here. I like Alex’s work, although I didn’t always agree with it. And, I admit, I’ve added Alex’s site to my favorites. What’s missing there is the commentary by the B&B, which, with certain exceptions, enhances the value of this site.

        As for the GLBT/right-wing troglodyte stuff in the post — that’s the manure. I consider Alex’s sexual orientation to be completely irrelevant to his participation on this site. After all, this isn’t “The Truth about Sex.”

      • 0 avatar
        Alex L. Dykes

        Oh my my my. This is turning into quite the sordid affair isn’t it? For the record I have not been sued by TheTruthAboutCars, AutoGuide r the parent company VericalScope. (Trust me, I’d know if I had been sued.) While it would be inappropriate to comment on the ongoing negotiations between VericalScope and myself, I have not heard of any LGBT related issues. As Jack has said we’re still working through a variety of issues relating to my possible return (or not, who knows). But Jack and Derek and I have made it a point to carry out any negotiations in a serious and respectful manner. (Sorry if you were hoping to see a mud-slinging extravaganza.)

        Since the tin-foil hat crowd probably thinks my login has been hacked, or that some mystery man is posing as myself, you can feel free to e-track me down and ask me yourself.

        • 0 avatar
          Lie2me

          Well, you just take all the fun out of rumors and speculation, don’t you?

        • 0 avatar
          davefromcalgary

          So Alex, how about a gently used Bravada as a re-signing bonus!

          • 0 avatar
            Alex L. Dykes

            I think I’d have to say no. The Bravada is my least favorite of the GMT360 series. The Saab was actually my favorite although I think it should have never been called a Saab. They should have used the Saab refinements, put the key back in the right place, called it as GMC and killed the rest of the family.

    • 0 avatar
      Stumpaster

      what happened to Alex?

    • 0 avatar
      colin42

      http://Www.alexonautos.com

  • avatar
    readallover

    It does seem odd that you can get a one year subscription to most any magazine for the price of one newsstand copy. Except for the ones you`d really want like Playboy or The Robb Report.

    • 0 avatar
      mcseanerson

      I don’t even pay for motor trend. They give away free digital subscriptions every couple months. I tell you what some american car magazines could do to get more subscribers, pair a good magazine like R&T with one of the offerings from across the pond to where you can get both for a halfway affordable rate. I wouldn’t even care if I’d be reading this month’s R&T with last months Brit car monthly just make it reasonable and not around $100 a year for one magazine. I’d probably pay $40 a year for something like that.

    • 0 avatar
      raph

      Hah the consumer reaps the benefits of “zOMG!YOU MUST BUY THIS CAR” stories and “Automaker X has won our prestigious phlim phlamary of the year award” financed by the auto industry.

  • avatar
    dwford

    Oh, we can sell stuff here now? Super, I’ve got a set of 2012 Hyundai Accent side view mirrors I need to sell, and a house to rent.

  • avatar
    replica

    If I can’t play the brootal metal on that guitar, I have no use for it. Although, with just a single pickup, that extra space is ideal for carving a giant pentagram.

  • avatar
    gtrslngr

    Hey Jack . I likes ya and all . Really . Despite our recent disagreement . I do ! Even approve of the hair [ won\'t dane to call it a hair style though ] But a MelodyBurner at some $1000 ? Errr … sorry Jack. Been there . Done than . Back in the 70’s 80’s with a completely customized [ to my exacting specifications by a certain DF ] … 59 Gibson MelodyMaker . Gibson clear burgundy and all . Original albeit rewound Gibson single coil in the neck position along with an EMG on the bridge . One screaming **sed guitar … for the fusion and ” Freak yer Greek ” side o’ my playing/career .

    As to R&T ? Aint never gonna happen Jack . Like a couple others here have said . Haven’t bought an issue of R&T ( or any print US automotive magazine ] in years . They’ve all gone to h*ll in a hand basket … both quality and quantity [ amount of pages ] wise . Now being 80% advertising and barely an article that takes more the three minutes to read . Yeesh !

    • 0 avatar

      @gtrslngr
      Did you inflation-adjust your dollars? A G back in the ”70s and ’80s is worth 2-4 Gs now, depending on the precise year. Looks like Jack’s MelodyBurner is a deal at one G

    • 0 avatar
      mcseanerson

      I’d argue that. I think the current R&T is substantially better than they have been in over a decade. They have Jack Baruth, Sam Smith, Chris Harris, Jason Camissa, and Bob Lutz all in one magazine. It was perfect until side glances went away. Still very good though.

      • 0 avatar
        gtrslngr

        I would respectfully have to disagree . Sure the talents there but the production and editing are not . Not enough of one and way too much of the other . If’n you catch my drift . Nor is the willingness of the Publisher to do what it takes to regain R&T’s former glory

        • 0 avatar
          Kyree S. Williams

          As someone who has been subscribed to R&T for half of his life (which really doesn’t amount to more than about a decade), I agree that some things have slipped. But there are enough writers that I actually enjoy–including Mister Baruth–to keep me subscribed.

      • 0 avatar
        WheelMcCoy

        Don’t forget Rob Siegel. He’s knows his away around BMWs and is the author of “Memoirs Of A Hack Mechanic.” I’ve seen a couple of his articles at R&T and hope to read more.

        And yes, I hope Peter Egan writes some guest glances in the future.

    • 0 avatar
      319583076

      OK. Clear this up for all of us. When I first saw your posts here, I assumed “gtrslinger” was short for “guitar slinger” implying some musical ability (playing or selling). then, some expert insider dope you were pushing implied that you sold Nissans, i.e. “gtr” slinger which made a little more sense. But now you’re claiming some sort of musician heritage and I’m confused enough to straight up ask for…The Trooth Aboot “gtrslinger”! {{]| fer reelz$@#

  • avatar
    1967mgb

    Jack, You say your dad rarely approves, but I’ll bet your crazy uncle does. And you wouldn’t want to disappoint him, now would you?

  • avatar
    FreedMike

    I think R/T could use a bit of pornographic tripe now and then.

    • 0 avatar
      Tinker

      Do they use tripewriters to produce their tripe, nowadays? And do they use a rubber/vinyl/silicone keyboard-kondom on their tripewriters to produce pornographic tripe?

  • avatar
    doug-g

    Not interested in either of these, but a couple times a month I put on a cowboy hat and pass out money to homeless people. If you’re in my neighborhood, and look deserving, I’ll slip you a few bucks.*

    *Actually, this is true. Philanthropy seems to be more enjoyable for me when I put a spin on it.

  • avatar
    Acd

    Ok Jack you sucked me in. Just picked up an R&T for the first time in years for when the internet doesn’t work on my flight this evening.

  • avatar
    George B

    Jack, do you have any video of the MelodyBurner being played?

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      We do… it’s in production now. I could put something up of *me* playing the guitar, but that wouldn’t exactly sell it to you :)

      • 0 avatar
        gtrslngr

        Hey Jack . Been thinking maybe I was a bit too judgmental . So how about I do that thing …. Gratis .. to make up for it all ? Hit me up on my inbox [ lost yours like an idiot ] if the interest is still there

  • avatar
    Detroit33

    Jack, love your writing. While I will pick-up R&T just for your article, this doesn’t belong anywhere on TTAC.

  • avatar
    johnharris

    Two big thumbs up for the revived Road & Track. It’s fresh, back to its roots as a sophisticated sporting-enthusiast rag, and not afraid of giving a bad review once in awhile. May it last.

  • avatar
    olddavid

    I would hate to be there when this manic phase is over.

  • avatar
    wmba

    Well I picked R/T up. Took about 45 minutes to read. Yes, yours was a good article, Jack.

    The rest pretty much sucked the big one. It appeared to be written to appeal to 20 year olds, lacking only an excess of exclamation marks. Webster trying to be hip at his age really toned the place down. Me no biy again.

    The June Car & Driver, by contrast, is very good actual commentary and some real road tests. They damned the Kia Forte with a passion, and their view on the CLA mirrors mine. Etcetera. No contest in my mind.

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      We’re a sister magazine to C/D, there’s no sense doing exactly what they do… the tone of the magazine is supposed to be less pocket-protector, I think. They don’t consult me on that stuff.

      Thanks for buying!

    • 0 avatar
      Sam Smith

      Couple thoughts:

      – I’ve played a Melody Burner. Those things are cannons, and a steal at that price. (I was not compensated for this message, nor am I sure why we’re talking about it on TTAC. But I digress. Good guitar. And O’Dee is a mad genius.)

      – Thanks for giving the mag a shot. Sorry to hear you think it sucks. In terms of age, the staff runs the gamut from 28 to 50, and none of us are hip. But I really would love to hear more feedback. Here isn’t the place to do it, but drop me an email: my name at Hearst.com. Same goes for anyone else—we don’t take the responsibility of running this place lightly, and we want to hear it.

      For the record, we consult Jack on a host of things. Most are not fit for polite conversation.

  • avatar
    gtrslngr

    Allow me to clear something up here . A few comments made in reference to my initial post seem to be implying I was disparaging the Value of the guitar on offer here by Jack .

    Not only was I not : but in fact I never even so much as mentioned ‘ value ‘ in the comments I made . So let me be clear on this ;

    ANY quality guitar [ which in light of Jack\'s tastes in axes I assume it is ] … electric or acoustic and hand made in the US for a mere $1000 is a good value . Fact is even Jacks PRS … and in fact aLL PRS guitars [ in comparison to Gibson etc ] are a good value . Period !

    For the record the modifications alone to my 59 Melody Maker back in the day well and good exceeded $1000

    All I said was for me personally I do not need or want this guitar seeing as how as mentioned I’ve already been down a similar road .

    But should anyone else want or desire this guitar Jack has on offer ? If it suits their needs and playing styles .. damn right they should . As to the only one pickup dilemma some have whined about . If a single pickup was and is good enough for the likes of Eddie Van Halen and especially Alan Holdsworth etc ….. its sure as ___ good enough for anybody . Cause it aint the number of pickups …. its the player ;-)

    Bda Bda Bda … thats all folks !


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Staff

  • Contributing Writers

  • Jack Baruth, United States
  • Brendan McAleer, Canada
  • Marcelo De Vasconcellos, Brazil
  • Vojta Dobes, Czech Republic
  • Matthias Gasnier, Australia
  • W. Christian 'Mental' Ward, Abu Dhabi
  • Mark Stevenson, Canada
  • Cameron Aubernon, United States
  • J Emerson, United States