By on March 21, 2014

hickey

Here at TTAC, we’re often accused of being libertarian cop-hating anarchist hippie freaks. Nearly as often as we’re accused of being tools of the corporate power elite and their propaganda machine. It’s true that most of our writers have a bit of an anti-authoritarian bent. After all, car guys want to go fast, and so on, and the Man doesn’t want you to go fast, and so on, and so forth, and also tickets for having a non-CARB-approved intake pipe suck, and so on. Sometimes we take it pretty far. We’ve even had a writer quit because we were being insufficiently respectful of highway cops, or something like that.

Our struggle against the police state is just that — a struggle against an ideology, not a war on the best of the peace officers out there. Today, I was reminded of that fact again, when a sheriff’s deputy went out of his way to fix a major problem for me.

I’ve used the Franklin Planner system since my father made me start using it in 1994. Some years I’m extremely diligent with it, recording every single expense down to the penny. Other years feature squadrons of empty pages with a single place name, or name of a person, scrawled among them, sometimes in blood. But I believe in the system and it’s helped me juggle a lot of eighty-hour weeks in the past.

You can imagine, therefore, how distressed I was to find out that my Franklin Planner had disappeared from my Town Car in the aftermath of my January wreck. It wasn’t just the planner itself I missed — I had seven different kinds of credit cards in there, plus my passport card, plus so much tax and banking documentation it would be possible for a rhesus monkey to effectively impersonate me in financial transactions. The worst part was that I couldn’t be absolutely certain that it had been in the car when the accident occurred. Being knocked around in the car, filled to the brim with Dilaudid, and enduring some genuinely daunting pain from the proverbial engine room in the weeks afterwards slowly reduced my conviction that I’d put the planner in the Lincoln that morning.

I should have canceled my credit cards immediately. Instead, I watched all of them online, waiting for something to pop up. At one point I thought I had a lead when my USAA Amex rocked up with a massive charge from a music equipment store. It wasn’t until UPS made a delivery two days later that I realized that I’d been shopping under the influence of morphine from my hospital bed, using the backup card. The good news is that even my doped-up animal hindbrain knows how to pick a solid piece of ribbon mahogany. My ancestors must have been rhesus monkeys or something.

Seventy-five days post-accident and still there hadn’t been a single untoward usage of my credit, my identity, or my treasured list of lonely single mothers within one Southwest segment from CMH. When I “found” a bunch of music books that I’d been hiding under the upstairs bathroom sink for some reason, it more or less cemented my personal assumption that I’d hidden or lost my planner in the house.

Still, I needed some working debit cards for my bank accounts so yesterday I went to the bank and sat there while they canceled the old and printed the new. “This,” I joked to my banker, “will cause my planner to appear.”

About sixteen hours later, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. When I answered, the caller identified himself as a Franklin County deputy. Insofar as every single interaction I’ve ever had with a sheriff’s deputy has involved either being stuffed into the back of a Crown Vic or having my parties forcibly ended right in the middle of an awesome rapping session, I was immediately nervous.

“What can, ah, the individual for whom you’re looking do for you, should I happen to find him, which I doubt?” I inquired.

“Mr. Baruth, I have your Franklin planner. I made a traffic stop last night and pulled it out of the back seat of the car involved. Would you like to come get it?” I was suspicious because I’d just been dealing with a legal issue for my band’s drummer and I was afraid this was some kind of scheme to get me to show up and testify against him.

“Your Honor,” I’d be forced to say, “I’m afraid D’Marco wouldn’t be qualified to work in the grocery store produce section.”

“And why would that be?” Jerry Orbach would ask.

“Because you never know when he’s going to drop the beats.” But the stakes were too high for me to do anything besides drive right down there and present myself. I thought about parking in Major Hickey’s spot but it didn’t seem like the smartest idea.

The deputy who came out was the coolest cop I’ve met in maybe twenty years, certainly since I stopped doing tactical shotgun stuff with a bunch of SWAT guys from Bakersfield, CA. (Long story.) We chatted a bit about the Ford Interceptor Ecoboost, which he adores, and about the job in general.

“What happened in the traffic stop?” I asked.

“I can’t really say,” he responded in a very professional manner, “but that dude had a hell of a night.”

“You know all that police brutality that the community leaders are always getting after you guys for?” I said.

“Um, yeah.”

“I hope you did all of that stuff.” We shared a mutual laugh, during which I envisioned this rather severe and muscular fellow beating my planner thief to death with a flashlight before firing a few warning shots at local bystanders holding cell phones. “I hope you gave him the whole Fruitvale, bro.”

“We don’t actually do that sort of stuff.”

“Whatever, man, it’s cool. Thin blue line, yo. Stop snitching. Or keep talking. Or something.”

“Well, ah, you’re free to go.”

“Free to go enjoy my planner, you mean.”

“That too.” On the drive home, I wondered about something. What if… what if the only interactions that generally law-abiding people had with the police consisted of said police returning their stolen items? What if the average citizen thought of highway patrolmen as a shield against danger instead of mobile ticket-writing taxation machines? What if everybody got to deal with a cop as nice and sensible as the deputy who found my planner?

What would the pig-hating hippies of the world have to say then?

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106 Comments on “Fu… No, Wait, The Phrase I’m Looking For Is “Thank The Police“...”


  • avatar
    cpthaddock

    Could be the start of a new pig loving hippy era? Somewhere, right now, in CO or WA a police office could be chasing after a hippy … only to reunite them with Marijuana they dropped.

  • avatar
    Pebble

    Franklin Planners rule. I’m totally addicted to mine and the whole FranklinCovey cult. Long live Hyrum W. Smith and Steven Covey.

  • avatar

    ““That too.” On the drive home, I wondered about something. What if… what if the only interactions that generally law-abiding people had with the police consisted of said police returning their stolen items? What if the average citizen thought of highway patrolmen as a shield against danger instead of mobile ticket-writing taxation machines? What if everybody got to deal with a cop as nice and sensible as the deputy who found my planner?”

    Were all that to happen, I’d start looking for the wolf dwelling with the lamb, the leopard laying down with the kid; and the calf, young lion and fatling together.

  • avatar
    Zykotec

    First you buy a Honda, now you’re friends with the police? What’s happening here? And whats next, Mustangs suck, flat chests are fun too ?
    (Coming from a leftie Honda owner who’s almost friends with the police, and in a steady longlasting relationship)

    • 0 avatar
      Lie2me

      I hear with age comes a ever increasing bent toward conservatism along with the inability to remember where you left things

      • 0 avatar
        golden2husky

        Like that old saying, if your young and conservative, you are heartless. If your old and liberal, you’re stupid…or something like that.

      • 0 avatar
        Xeranar

        Bad myths die hard, people tend to never go right as they get older. Personally they may get more ‘conservative’ in that they are attempting to hold onto nostalgia but politically people tend not to move.

        Baruth is simply evolving…or devolving? hard to tell. :P

        • 0 avatar

          > Bad myths die hard, people tend to never go right as they get older. Personally they may get more ‘conservative’ in that they are attempting to hold onto nostalgia but politically people tend not to move.

          The misconception comes from the fact that at any given time there may be more conservative geriatrics than youths.

          Many confuse this for said youths turning into said geriatrics rather than the underlying phenomenon of society as a whole gradually progressing by the generation.

          The reality is people don’t really change but peoples do.

        • 0 avatar
          CRConrad

          I’ve noticed in myself that I’m going from conservative to reactionary.

          So where as a boy and a young man I was all attacking the eevul Scandalahovian pinko commie state from the right (=conservative), now that I’ve mellowed and the world has not — to the extent that the dear old cradle-to-grave socialist nanny state has been all but dismantled in the name of globalisation and capitalism and profit and more yachts for Larry Ellison — I find I’m yearning back to the good old days of yore (=reactionary).

          Back to the caring New Deal-style Big Society of my youth, where the voice of the people had if not the upper hand, at least some semblance of parity with the ruthless robber barons of this world.

  • avatar
    raresleeper

    Franklin Planner, you say? Large, perhaps excessive.

    Keeping your credit cards and debit cards in there…dam. I think most people use a wallet for that. They even have wallets for girls. Imagine that.

    BUT a pocket notebook? Bliss.

    I keep my spiral-free pocket notebook in my pocket always. Fill it with work-out plan. Important sh*t to do. Ideas to consider. Yadda.

    Also, you don’t worry about speeding tickets if- DRUM ROLL….

    you don’t speed.

    You can always (so it seems) travel up to 5 mph over the speed limit without a cop wasting their time and chewing you out over it. I’ll do 75 in a 70, sure.

    BUT… adhere to the speed limit. You’ll find Johnny Law is actually your friend.

    You may even notice higher mileage per gallon when you’re not taking off like a cheetah on blow from every stoplight.

    • 0 avatar
      rudiger

      Johnny Law is most definitely not your friend, ever. Never make that mistake. The age of ‘to serve and protect’ vacated the building ages ago in this country, and it gets noticeably worse with every passing year.

      Anytime their actions appear to be benevolent, they should always be viewed with suspicion distrust.

      • 0 avatar
        raresleeper

        @ Rudy Rudiger- Let’s meet in the middle, Kind Sir.

        There are good and “bad” coppers out there. Oh sure, there are.

        I find if you’re courteous from the start and don’t speak to them as if they are getting ready to victimize you, the conversing is over rather quickly and you may just get off with a warning. They are actually people too, and go home to the wife and kids just like you and I.

        I’ve even dealt with rather hot female cops which, suddenly and strangely… I don’t mind aggresiveness :)

        They do much greater good than bad. Here in the affluent area outside of ghetto as$ St. Louis, we’re certainly happy to have them.

        They also deal with human trash on a daily, so, I cut them some slack.

        • 0 avatar
          rudiger

          Tell that to David Eckert and the victims of ex-Utah state trooper Lisa Steed. Their quite illegal actions were condoned, even encouraged, by their superiors. The only reason bad cops occasionally make the media is when their excesses are so great, even law enforcement can’t hide and explain them away as “just doing my job”, “the law is the law”, and “if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear”.

          Nor am I buying the ‘for every bad cop, there are a whole lot more good ones’ rationale that’s always mentioned every time someone dares to point out the abuses that these ex-bullies gleefully dole out on a routine basis.

          While most come by it naturally, all cops are trained to be a-holes, and that’s all there is to it. Face it, they enjoyed being bullies growing up, and then they were able to get a paying job where they could continue their sadistic/control-freak psyche by making the otherwise law-abiding citizenry miserable while leaving the real criminals alone (the path of least resistance), and get paid for doing it.

          • 0 avatar
            olddavid

            Absolutely right. Anyone with a mindset of wanting to be professionally suspicious of his fellow humans needs professional help. Didn’t anyone see those guard/prisoner role playing students in Psych 101?

    • 0 avatar
      James2

      Picture a late Friday afternoon/evening. The freeway is semi-crowded; there’s enough ‘space’ to do maybe 50 in a 40 zone, yet I’m keeping a decent gap with the Maxima in front and a minivan to the side. We’re all doing the same speed. A motorcycle cop weaves through this traffic (I see him going in and out between cars…) to single me out –since me and my Probe GT is obviously speeding whereas the guy in the Maxima and minivan is not–

      I contest the charge in traffic court, which is immediately thrown out because the bastard cop doesn’t bother to show up, while I waste the entire day waiting…

      Fuck the cops.

      • 0 avatar
        Dave M.

        So you’re mad because he did his job? Singled you out? I mean, he did do his job…

        • 0 avatar
          James2

          Did his job? Really. You really believe he did his job? There was a second part to this equation, which you clearly ignored. So, how many hours did I waste? How much time and preparation did the city prosecutor waste?

          Go back under the bridge…

      • 0 avatar
        cdnsfan27

        After a traffic stop in which I felt singled out the cop asked me if I fish and I said yes, he then asked me that when I fished did I catch all of the fish or some of the fish? Point taken, I had been speeding and he got me.

      • 0 avatar
        Firestorm 500

        James2: You chose to speed. You got caught. End of story.

        • 0 avatar
          Lie2me

          No, not the end of story, James2 went to court to defend his position of not speeding but keeping with the flow of traffic, the cop doesn’t show, he gets off without a fine or points and he’s complaining about being inconvenienced…

          James2, going to court is always a PITA whether you’re right or wrong. You were lucky, get over it

          Now, end of story

          • 0 avatar
            Firestorm 500

            He WAS speeding. Because other drivers around him also chose to speed is immaterial.

            If everybody around you is jumping off a cliff, does that mean you should too?

            Like many a wildebeest or zebra before him, he found out that safety in the herd is not guaranteed for the individual.

          • 0 avatar
            rnc

            “If everybody around you is jumping off a cliff, does that mean you should too?”

            Honestly, if EVERYBODY around me was jumping off a cliff, I would assume that they all had a good reason for it and speed too.

          • 0 avatar
            Lie2me

            I offered that up as a possible defense for James2 as he states the facts in his story it’s the only possible defense. Keeping up with the flow of traffic has some merit, but had the cop shown up for court I doubt he would have won. He did win due to forfeit, always a lucky break

        • 0 avatar
          MrStep

          You’re endangering far more people if you decide to stick to the speed limit while the flow of traffic is going faster. The flow of traffic is based on road conditions, something the speed limit rarely reflects – that’s more often based on arbitrary regulations or municipalities looking to enrich themselves by repeatedly lowering it.

          Having cops who are happily paid bullies out taxing people with bogus revenue-raising tickets just doesn’t make for a positive interaction with the police. Until the entire system is reformed – like making revenue collection unconstitutional – it’s only going to get worse.

          I truly appreciate the work the police do stopping gang violence, theft, drunk or _actual_ reckless driving, etc., but am significantly less appreciative of their role as highway robbers and the increased militarization and level of confrontation/violence they use.

          People who argue to “just follow the rules” seem to me to miss the point that many of the rules are arbitrary and set up to bring in money. Fishing random people who are going with the flow of traffic does nothing for safety. Hiding behind an overpass column and radioing ahead to cops down the road to pull people over isn’t about getting people to slow down either. $100 fine for rolling down a hill at 3 miles over the limit – I’m pretty sure that’s not saving lives. It does fill a city coffer somewhere, but “just obey” will give you 20mph speed limits everywhere at some point just to make sure someone gets nailed.

          The real question is what (if any?) form of protest could change some of this. Maybe none unless making money this way is outlawed, and the politicians are unlikely to ban anything that makes them money.

  • avatar
    Brian E

    I share your general “fuck the police” predilections. The Innocence Project’s revelations of multiple cases of police and prosecutorial misconduct, and Radley Balko’s work on police militarization and the war on drugs are just some of the examples of what happens when you give people power without accountability. Even here in affluent suburbia, several police officers and detectives at a local police department were just caught planting evidence and selling seized drugs and fired.

    Despite that, every interaction I’ve had with our local PD has been nothing but courteous and polite. Why? I’m a well-educated white guy driving a nice car and I treat the officers with respect. I’ve also never been pulled over by them. This is known as “privilege”, and is a real thing despite being something that overly serious feminist studies majors are Very Angry about in ways that do absolutely nothing to actually fix anything. My interactions with suburbia’s finest are very, very unlikely to resemble those of a black guy from the city in a dented, oil-burning Corolla or an immigrant who speaks English poorly. Lucky me.

    Not using the police as biased regressive tax collectors would help. Not trying to enforce a prohibition on things that most people don’t think are worthy of being prohibited would help too. But mostly, we need to end qualified immunity.

    • 0 avatar
      Nick_515

      Brian, you nailed it, especially on point one. I am also a well-educated white guy driving a nice car. Hell, I am a college professor and the cops in my town know because of the sticker in my window. Now I tend to be a tad heavy on the throttle, and again and again and again and again and again I watch to town PD fail to ticket me. I know they see – they are everywhere. My interactions with them, whenever they occur, are invariably courteous and pleasant.

      Yet a cop from the very same PD instigated a fight with a friend of mine – a big black male – which resulted in him being incarcerated for four months. You can buy into the sad notion of “human trash” to explain away American realities you don’t like are are like to avoid the way I do. Or you can see the privilege and admit you are its beneficiary. It’s up to you.

      Which brings us to the bigger problem of Baruth’s post. People don’t dislike the police for who they are. People dislike the police for who they represent. So yes, that won’t change. On face value, police are to protect us. In reality, there is no “us” – there are surveillance interests, class interests, you kn, and that’s how “protection” get distributed. A poor black kid won’t have a planner with a zillion credit cards in them. This is what dear Jack fails to see. It’s not a problem of individuals being nice or not nice.

      • 0 avatar
        Kenmore

        “A poor black kid…”

        >People, don’t you understand
        the child needs a helping hand
        or he’ll grow to be an angry young man some day<

        We sing that at work for giggles.

      • 0 avatar
        Kaosaur

        Selective enforcement is real. Being white and driving a nice sports car in my area is basically a license to blow by cops at forty over.

        Speaking from experience.

        Cops represent all of society’s institutions. Even the corrupt ones.

      • 0 avatar
        jeffzekas

        My problem with the “poor black kid” is that he has a 75% chance of having been incarcerated if he’s between the ages of 16 -25 (FBI stats) and so he is probably wanting to kick my cracker a$$ (his words, not mine).

        As for cops: the young deputy who stopped me for swerving (lack of sleep) was polite and kind. The CHP who pulled over my son for “tinted windows” was a jerk and trolling for revenue.

        So, you see all kinds wearing a badge. But when push comes to shove, I’ll call the cops, not the Crips or the Bloods, when there’s a problem out in the street.

        • 0 avatar
          Kenmore

          >another little baby child is born
          In the ghetto<

          *In the ghetto—-*

          My female coworkers love singing the chorus.
          I can get a sing-along going anywhere in the building.

        • 0 avatar
          rushn

          Sure doesn’t take much for racist to show up in comments.

        • 0 avatar
          tedward

          jeffzekas

          Unfortunately that depends on your neighborhood. In communities where the police are violent and threatening as a rule it’s the kids doing block work that keep the crackheads and theft crimes down. Approaching the police is the most dangerous thing you can do when they are held to inflexible quotas and are strongly protected from citizen complaints.

          It’s a leadership problem. Police chief is a wholly political position in a city environment and the selection process and standards for promotions frankly suck. To make things worse the people who rise through the ranks are going to be a direct reflection on the policies that they worked under, so the problem of police misconduct often has a long shelf life. Unfortunately that means that the steroid/testosterone abusing jersey shore fight starter is a type of police officer who will be common for quite some time, even if we as a society completely reverse course today.

          • 0 avatar

            > It’s a leadership problem. Police chief is a wholly political position in a city environment and the selection process and standards for promotions frankly suck.

            Surely if liberals can cut some slack for crims by addressing it through larger social forces they also can for the coppers.

            There’s always going to be a problem of self-selection, but recall the reason why we *choose* the leadership for them that we did. Murica still maintains a simpleton dichotomy between good/bad as evidenced by everything in this here page, so paying cops to implement those ideals is hardly surprising.

            http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2014/03/fu-no-wait-the-phrase-im-looking-for-is-thank-the-police/#comment-2986697

      • 0 avatar
        Dan

        “Yet a cop from the very same PD instigated a fight with a friend of mine – a big black male – which resulted in him being incarcerated for four months.”

        Getting lip or not is a privilege thing but turning that into jail is an idiot thing. There are things you don’t do. Raising a hand against a cop is one of them.

    • 0 avatar
      Syke

      Reminds me of my days shortly after my father died, and I inherited the family home and property. In a very upscale neighborhood.

      0100, I’m heading home from Rocky’s Tavern (the local biker bar) on my Ironhead Sportster, flying the colors of the Brotherhood of Veterans M/C. Cross the township line into my borough and suddenly there’s red lights flashing in my mirror. Pull over, get the usual “Your tail light’s flickering” or something equally obvious. License, registration and insurance card.

      And then they see the name (local Chevy dealer from thirty years earlier, only Junior). The address (one of the nicer, older houses in the borough). And suddenly, there’s no problem, “be careful on your ride home, good night, sir”. Ran thru that seven times, at which point I’d met every patrolman in the borough’s police department. No problems afterwards, and in fact, one or two evenings when I had no damned business on that bike at all due to amount of alcohol consumed, one of the gentlemen would be nice enough to follow me until I pulled into my driveway.

      Of course, I always supported whatever fundraiser they were doing, be it for the police or fire company.

      Now comes the philosophical question: Do I get pissed off for obvious profiling? Or, as a local property owner, should I be greatful for their looking out for the neighborhood interests?

      • 0 avatar
        Dave M.

        Or do we get pissed off because you’ve repeatedly ridden drunk?

      • 0 avatar
        Dan

        “Now comes the philosophical question: Do I get pissed off for obvious profiling? Or, as a local property owner, should I be greatful for their looking out for the neighborhood interests?”

        Big house in the neighborhood? You’re the guy who signs their checks. They damned well ought to be looking out for you.

        • 0 avatar
          golden2husky

          Enjoy it while you can…I grew up in a upscale incorporated village with its own police force. As teenagers, and even a few years beyond, we got away with near murder. Flowing kegs in the back of the Wagoneer, bongs, you name it. All residents could speed with near impunity. Accidents were extremely rare; those that did happen were usually caused by extreme stupidity or deciding to push the Alfa through the winding, narrow, tree lined streets at hyper velocity. In other words, they would have happened even with tough enforcement. Fast forward to about 1995. The cops began a two month warning program, and then began aggressively writing tickets for 3 miles an hour over the 35 limit or more. Needless to say, at Christmastime, the amount of gifts dropped off at the village PD became essentially zero.

          • 0 avatar
            thelaine

            They don’t need your gifts, or your goodwill. They used to work for you. Now you work for them.

  • avatar
    Ron B.

    I have had a different experience. in 2000 I got robbed. my entire house load of property was stolen .Appx 70 grand worth of furniture alone. They even stole a trailer to strip the garage. The police refused to investigate,claiming that it was a domestic matter . The insurance adjuster told me i had just lost my insurance …but gave me the name of the thief. I sued said thief and won. During all the legal stuff I had to file summons’ etc and it was then I found the thief’s father was a locally famous copper. Lots of weird stuff happened during this time,the family had cars stolen,my daily driver was placed on a stolen vehicle register ( makes it worthless,cant even scrap it here)and so on, and then my Franklin planner was stolen from my new residence . I too kept cards etc in it,but when you use an ATM you are being photographed… guess what? Same thief was pictured trying to use one of them on a bogus number i had written inside the planner. So I went after them again,I never got my goods back though,which included close to 5000 automotive related books, but I got another court win which netted me $15,000 for my Franklin. The thief is still at large ….

    • 0 avatar
      el scotto

      The item that takes this into the land of complete bullsh*t? Do you know how long it would take to pack, move and steal 5,000 books? It would take a good amount of square footage on the trailer that was stolen to continue more stealing. Anyone who has moved knows no one in their right mind steals books. They’re heavy and a pain in the ass to carry. The DMV could inspect your vehicle and see that it wasn’t stolen. Lastly, anyone with 70k worth of furniture can afford an attorney. You never did make clear how they identified the thief and who you sued and were awarded 15k. I’m calling hogwash. Good day to you Sir.

  • avatar
    CJinSD

    For the most part, real cops give imaginary cops a bad name.

  • avatar
    SCE to AUX

    Jerry Orbach – nice touch.

    I’ve had only a few disappointing encounters with the police, far outweighed by the positives. I do not count the incidents in which I was the perp.

    One upsetting experience was about 10 years ago. Long story short – my minivan was nearly run into a Jersey barrier by a tractor-trailer on the PA Turnpike during a rainstorm at night. The only damage was a bumped RH mirror where the trailer’s bumper swept by; the driver simply didn’t see me, in spite of my horn, high beams, and presence next to his cab. Another second or two, and my whole family could have been killed.

    I thought the police could advise him to be more careful (I managed to get his info after catching up with him). Instead, they told me they could do nothing since there was no accident, even though I advised them that he did strike my car. No matter – they could help me if my van was tumbling down the highway, but not until.

    A second disappointment was the time my car was hit-and-runned by the neighbor’s derelict friend (presumably). I managed to reconstruct the taillight of a Dodge Shadow, and advised the police to look for such a car which would also be missing its rear window (glass was everywhere). They said this would be too much work, and I should just forget about it. So I repaired the car myself, and moved on.

    That event aside, I’ve had pretty good interactions with the police. It’s also best to not tempt fate with bad behavior.

    • 0 avatar
      Firestorm 500

      Unless the cops witness what you are writing about, they can’t do much on hearsay.

      • 0 avatar
        MrStep

        I love that if you give them information that exonerates you when you’re being investigated, it’s hearsay, but if it implicates you then it’s a confession and they’ll use it. If you tell them about something illegal that happened TO you it’s hearsay again. No wonder they’re so popular.

  • avatar
    PeteRR

    “Hold hands, you love birds.”

  • avatar
    mkirk

    Major Hickey…Nice. Over my Military career I have had the privilege of working for a: 1. Major Savage, 2. Major Thrasher, and 3.,, yes, Major Dick….really

    • 0 avatar
      Lie2me

      I used to go to a dentist named Dr. Payne

      • 0 avatar

        I think this doctor wins that particular competition:

        Elizabeth E. Puscheck, M.D., MS, CCD, FACOG

        Specialist- in – Chief, Obstetrics and Gynocology, Detroit Medical Center
        Chair, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Wayne State University
        Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Wayne State University

        Not a joke: http://www.hutzel.org/?id=707&sid=3

        But then, neither is the story about the guy who put his torn scrotum back together with an industrial stapler. If you’re a guy, see if you can read the following without reflexively crossing your legs:

        http://www.snopes.com/medical/emergent/stapled.asp

        • 0 avatar
          CriticalMass

          In the vein of “the first liar ain’t got a chance” but this is true, (one of) my ex-wives gynecologist’s name was Dr. Richard (Dick) Stiff. I don’t want to talk about it….

          • 0 avatar
            Lie2me

            I wouldn’t want to be saddled with the burden of having to live up to that name. On the other hand…

          • 0 avatar
            sgeffe

            There’s a Toledo-area urologist by the name of Richard Tapper! (His son, Richard Jr., is in the same business!)

    • 0 avatar
      reclusive_in_nature

      I used to have a Bradley commander by the name of Staff Sergeant Flamer.

    • 0 avatar
      alsorl

      I used to work with a Keith Money and a Jack Daniels.

  • avatar
    Dan

    Police officers and the police state are two wholly different things. You don’t have to hate them both. You can even like them. Just remember who they work for when you’re talking to them on the clock.

    I strongly agree with Jack’s last word that having the men who keep society’s lid on on also act as penny ante cashiers of the road (and dollar ante cashiers of the checkpoint besides) is terrible PR.

    So terrible that it could, IMO, only be intentional. Someone doesn’t want police and policed on too good terms. Who and why that would be, I’ll leave to you.

  • avatar
    Bored383

    All
    Cops
    Are
    Buddies ???

  • avatar
    Jeff Waingrow

    If you met the number of creeps that many cops do daily, you too would be a bit hard-assed at first. But peel away a little of that facade and you’ll likely find just another Joe (or Jane) trying to make a living and get home to the spouse and kids in one piece. At least that’s been my experience, but I’m not exactly a provocateur.

  • avatar
    Z71_Silvy

    Hell must have frozen over (because of Global warming)….an almost positive story about the police on TTAC.

    I expect normal programming to resume shortly….

  • avatar
    Lie2me

    So, was the planner taken from the wrecked Lincoln, or someplace else?

  • avatar
    319583076

    The fundamental problem isn’t good cop or bad cop, it’s corruption. Humanity’s fundamental prediliction for corruption is the root cause of evil. At 37 years on this planet, the corruption I’ve witnessed is enough to make me a bitter, suicidal misanthrope. I’m too much of a coward to end it, and I’m in love. These things and the occasional beauty of selfless acts keep me from the eternal sleep. It’s hard to be just, to be righteous, each moment is a choice for every one of us…you are who you choose to be.

  • avatar
    Onus

    I have had good luck with cops. Minus the one time i was pulled over riding a bicycle. I wish that was a joke…

    Anyway, in High School i took a Criminal Justice class i got college credit. Awesome class. It had two teachers, one was the school resource officer. Wicked cool guy but, if you did something bad in school you probably wouldn’t like him too much. Otherwise you could shoot the shit and joke around with him.

    Also due to that class we got invited as a class to see a SWAT demonstration. They trained in a abandoned part of a mall, and then a old house. They blew the house door off with c4. Had a bunch of snipers set up out in the woods. But, an explosion going near you is a feeling I’m not sure i can ever forget. The sound and the feeling.

    Then on top of that i worked for the IT department for the same town i went to school in. Used to go to the police station do work there. Talk to the detectives, dispatchers, almost got stuck in the Jail part where i was setting up a printer. Fun times.

    It’s good to know the people at the town you live in. Gets stuff done faster.

  • avatar
    AKADriver

    Here’s one for TTAG: after my dad passed away, the New York State Police actually spent a good chunk of their own time helping me, a non-NY-resident, get guns transferred to me from the estate. Not just fudd stuff, either. They were helpful at every step.

  • avatar
    Syke

    In my case its my Palm Zires. Two of them, one for backup on the other, backed up on three different computers plus the calendar and address functions are on my Android cellphone. And everything is there, every passcode to ever Internet account I’ve got, both personal and work, credit card numbers, etc.

    Take those away from me, and I lock up. And I’ve tried to replace the Palms with the Android. No way, the Palm operating system is a hell of a lot easier to live with. I’m now buying old ones on eBay, replacing the dead batteries and putting them aside for future rotation.

    And yeah, there’s a lot of decent cops out there, too. I even found some of them during my patch holding M/C days.

  • avatar
    rudiger

    The ‘cool, friendly cop’ and the words “You’re free to go” is yet another reason cops are so hated and despised in this country.

    If you’re stopped and a cop asks you if you have anything illegal in your vehicle (and you’re obviously going to say, “No”, whether it’s true or not), whatever he says after that is a con geared towards getting you to drop your guard to incriminate yourself. He’ll soon say, “You’re free to go”, but then quickly add (in his best Columbo impersonation), “Oh, by the way, would it be okay if I just take a quick look in your car?”.

    Saying “You’re free to go” at any point by a law enforcement officer should be more than enough to get whatever transpires afterwards thrown out of court. But it’s not.

    For the vast majority of the population, however pleasant and friendly they may appear at any point, cops simply aren’t your friends.

    • 0 avatar
      Z71_Silvy

      “For the vast majority of the population, however pleasant and friendly they may appear at any point, cops simply aren’t your friends.”

      You couldn’t be more wrong. But humor me, who are you going to call when your family is held hostage and being beaten by a group of thugs?

      • 0 avatar

        You mean being held hostage and being beaten by a group of thugs like what happened to Rodney King, Abner Louima, and Malice Green?

        ““For the vast majority of the population, however pleasant and friendly they may appear at any point, cops simply aren’t your friends.”

        You couldn’t be more wrong.”

        Well, the cop in this video disagrees with you:

        Unless you’re reporting a crime, just about the only thing you should say to a cop is “Am I being detained? Am I free to go?”

        They certainly don’t like to have their own illegal behaviors pointed out to them.

        If I complain to UPS that one of their trucks is blocking my sidewalk, I’ll get an apology from a supervisor. When I’ve complained to cops about the same thing, they get indignant and try to intimidate.

        Cops generally think that casually breaking the law is a perk of their job. Just like they think that getting “professional courtesy” to get a pass on everything from 5 mph over to DUI is also part of the job. If you think I’m wrong, try to remember the last time you saw cops obeying any traffic laws. Every time I see cops on the road I see numerous traffic violations for which they’d eagerly ticket you and me. Hard to respect people with that kind of double standard and tolerance for corruption that benefits themselves personally.

        Is it really too much to ask cops to obey the law? You know in Hawaii, the cops are insisting on maintaining an exemption so they can have actual PIV penetrative sex when investigating prostitution at the same time that they are calling for greater criminal penalties for pimps and johns. So a regular guy who pays a hooker for sex is a criminal but a cop who is paid to have sex with a hooker (what’s the word for someone who is paid to have sex?) that he also pays to have sex (what’s the word for a man who makes money from women getting paid to have sex?) is a selfless and dedicated public servant?

        As for my family being held hostage, the chief of police in Detroit recently told residents there that they can’t rely on police getting to them on time and they should arm themselves with guns. That slow response time may be a blessing in disguise. Did you hear about the Detroit cop that was arrested for raping a woman who called 911 to report being the victim of domestic violence?

        And if cops are the hardasses they want us to believe they are, what gives with them being so afraid of dogs that they kill so many of them?

        • 0 avatar
          Kenmore

          “being held hostage and being beaten by a group of thugs”

          Heh… both of those happened to me and it weren’t no cops what done it.

          • 0 avatar
            Lie2me

            When, where, who?

          • 0 avatar
            Kenmore

            November ’73, walking 3 blocks to hook up with my ride-trade buddy coming past my neighborhood on the way in to US Steel Gary Works for the midnight shift. Pleasant neighborhood, not yet turned, on the dividing line between Gary proper and the suburbs

            Dark green ’69 Chevy slid to the curb maybe 30 yards ahead of me, three “youths” jumped out and walked towards me, driver still in car. Oblivious, long-haired clown, I began nodding “s’happenin” to them when they pulled guns and forced me into the car which had continued rolling, unnoticed by me, to be right along side us. Practiced practitioners, these.

            Drove me around about 15 minutes while robbing, pistol-whipping and speaking unkindly to me. Dumped me off behind a football stadium. I ran fast.

            So deep was my liberal indoctrination at the time that I actually defended the perps when my work buddies said they ought to be gut-shot.

            >In the Ghetto—-<

            *In the Ghetto—-*

          • 0 avatar
            Lie2me

            You grew up in Gary, I didn’t think things like that happened in Green Bay

        • 0 avatar
          Z71_Silvy

          Good God Ronnie, could you be a bigger drama queen?

          4 incidents. That’s all you gave. Police do more good than that in a single city in a single shift. Now multiply that out all across this great nation.

          And don’t use Detroit as an example of anything. That city is so f-ed up you’re lucky you have police.

          Have you seen the stories on your EMS and Fire department? THAT should scare you more than a couple cops who beat a guy who drove while under the influence of alcohol.

          Sorry, I have no sympathy for that.

          You’re jaded….and unreasonably.

          • 0 avatar

            > And don’t use Detroit as an example of anything. That city is so f-ed up you’re lucky you have police.

            There’s a certain irony about blaming big gubmint when there are a bunch of cops around, then turning around to blame lack of gubmint when there aren’t enough.

            The gubmint really can’t catch a break with these folk.

    • 0 avatar

      > Saying “You’re free to go” at any point by a law enforcement officer should be more than enough to get whatever transpires afterwards thrown out of court. But it’s not.

      The irony is police trickery & at least some of the violent escalation is the result of the bill of rights. For example, if probable cause/reasonable suspicion is lacking, the cops need folks to provide permission or otherwise admit to whatever.

      Similarly, if folks are possibly strapped the cops pretty much need to pack heat and assume whoever they’re approaching can easily perpetrate deadly force.

      Everyone wants fair community policing, but nobody really cares enough to grasp the issues at play.

    • 0 avatar

      To add to the “free to go”, I’ll throw in “because it’s xxxx I’ll let you go” when they don’t actually have any reason to hold or ticket you.

      Several years ago I was pulled over on Christmas Eve driving through central PA to visit my parents in NJ. Evidently, someone didn’t like me and decided to tell the police I was driving drunk. I got pulled over by 2 state troopers, who quickly realized that the only thing I had been drinking was donut shop coffee. After running my plates and verifying that my bright yellow Ford Ranger wasn’t stolen, they told me they would let me go “because it was Christmas Eve”.

      No, they let me go because I hadn’t done anything wrong.

  • avatar
    raketa

    nice…

  • avatar
    Master Baiter

    “What if the average citizen thought of highway patrolmen as a shield against danger instead of mobile ticket-writing taxation machines? What if everybody got to deal with a cop as nice and sensible as the deputy who found my planner?”

    While we’re dreaming, I’ll take a Porsche 911 Turbo, with Salma Hayek waiting for me in the passenger seat.

  • avatar

    > What if the average citizen thought of highway patrolmen as a shield against danger instead of mobile ticket-writing taxation machines?

    In the same vein as my post just above, take that ticket revenue away and the need arises to raise taxes on everyone. Take away the pull-over and the cops can’t investigate much of anything on the road due to the right to privacy. Since mericans don’t want to pay any taxes and whatnot we get this incredibly inefficient and ineffective policing/taxation scheme.

    Of course this obvious stuff never gets talked about because it’s so hardbaked into the framework nobody notices.

  • avatar
    gglockster

    Nice that it worked out with you Day Planner, do you think the police may have imaged all the pages “just in case” before returning it? I mean Border Patrol does this with electronic devices.

    Years ago I was talking with a friendly attorney, the company was paying him not me, and I asked him why some police are friendly and some are just jerks. I believe his explanation. The primary reason Officer Friendly is talking with you is “Subornation of Perjury”. I’ll never forget that statement. As to why some cops are jerks, he explained that police spend so much time around criminals, that they don’t view people as being normal citizens. Unless you’re a part of the closed mouthed blue line you’re “less”.

    I hope all your friends aren’t too happy with their personal information in your Covey planner being shared with some Government fusion center:

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/navy-database-tracks-civilians-parking-tickets-fender-benders-raising-fears-of-domestic-spying/article/2546038

    • 0 avatar

      > The primary reason Officer Friendly is talking with you is “Subornation of Perjury”. I’ll never forget that statement. As to why some cops are jerks, he explained that police spend so much time around criminals, that they don’t view people as being normal citizens.

      Most folks simply don’t understand the role of the police in our legal system. Cops aren’t paid to be your friends, their job is catch illegal activity whether that means observing it in the act or you admitting to it. The latter can certainly involve good cop or bad cop.

      When speaking to them (as a general rule: don’t) it’s best to remember they’re professionals at this, and you’re not. Like playing pool against a pro, don’t assume you can beat them esp. when anything on the line.

      • 0 avatar
        Kenmore

        Thank you for your lucid and perceptive comment.

        You have earned 50 free comments or 24 hours of registered play, whichever comes first, before payment is again due.

      • 0 avatar
        Lie2me

        If the cops are so good at profiling how come they can’t tell the difference between the bad guys and everyday citizens? If they’re that jaded perhaps they should rethink their careers

        • 0 avatar

          > If the cops are so good at profiling how come they can’t tell the difference between the bad guys and everyday citizens?

          The point is nobody is “good” at profiling because profiling is a poor technique. However the way our constitution/etc works limits what cops can do, and the “tough on crime” mentality requires them to do *something*, so profiling it is.

          http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2014/03/fu-no-wait-the-phrase-im-looking-for-is-thank-the-police/#comment-2985937

          http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2014/03/fu-no-wait-the-phrase-im-looking-for-is-thank-the-police/#comment-2986697

  • avatar
    kvndoom

    I’ve posted it before so I won’t go into all the details again. Cliff notes:

    Google “Avery Wood Jacksonville Florida”

    2 years ago he stole my wallet out of my house (larceny). Used a stolen credit card (felony). Used it to buy Spice (recreational drug made illegal in Virginia at the time).

    Police did nothing. Didn’t even QUESTION the punk.

    Had something been done about him then, maybe 2 kids would still be alive today.

    I know good cops are out there, and I’ve dealt with some, but on a personal level I’ve had more negative experiences than positives.

  • avatar
    banker43

    Seems like a lot of comments here based on anecdotal evidence and a lack of understanding that police are just like everyone else: good people trying to do a tough job. My experience has been that if you present yourself like an honest, hardworking, respectful member of the community, you”ll be treated like one. I notice this strategy works for almost everyone, not just police.

    • 0 avatar
      Luke42

      I wish my experience with cops was like yours.

      Given my experience, the times I’ve considered calling the police, I’ve had to ask myself: “will an armed man with an attitude problem and legal impunity make the situation better?”

      The police could do a lot to get regular people back on their side.

  • avatar
    jco

    i’ve had a police issue Beretta drawn on me for trying to flee a busted street race

    i spent the entirety of my early twenties under permanent supervision for speeding tickets

    i’m also quite fond of certain plants that are not legal

    i think police have a hard job and i’ve never met one in an interaction who was anything but polite and professional to me.

    but i must admit i might have to “check my privilege”, as the kids say

  • avatar

    > Seems like a lot of comments here based on anecdotal evidence and a lack of understanding that police are just like everyone else: good people trying to do a tough job.

    > i think police have a hard job and i’ve never met one in an interaction who was anything but polite and professional to me.

    > etc.

    That’s the problem with these cop threads in general: these people are literally doing the job they’re paid to. On the one hand we want to be a “free” society with minimal gubmint interference, and on the other we’re religiously “tough on crime” or certain don’t want to be seen as easy on it. This only naturally results in a very opportunistically aggressive law enforcement. Start over 100 times and it’ll be the same result.

    Cops spend so much time pulling people over in small part due to money pressures but in large part because catching you in mickey mouse acts (after profiling) is one of the few ways they have to look into whether peeps possessing illegal shiit or jumping bail or whatnot (ie “tough on crime”). The hypocritical impulse that they should be out “catching real criminals & show them what for” neglects the fact that *you* don’t necessarily look any different than a potential perp.

    IOW, police (brutality/profiling/trickery/jerkism/etc) is simply symptomatic of larger societal issues, but because most people can’t look past the surface they blame it on the bits they can see.

    • 0 avatar
      -Nate

      Well put .

      As I’m White and live in The Ghetto raising Forster boys , I have to teach them in advance about the basic un fairness of life , how I get a pass by simply being White where they get hassled because they’re Black ~ instead of wasting time crying , I tech them to deal with the practical realities of this bullshit and guess what ? _my_ boys don’t get shot / beat up like the jerks who wear their pants around their knees and make a point of being angry in any interaction with the local cops , who just so happen to be the embarrassingly bad and corrupt L.A. County Sheriffs Dept .

      If you act like a jerk / whiner or victim , expect to be treated like one .

      When my narrow White butt was beat by the P.D. (a lot) I had earned it and learned a good life lesson , some here are apparently too dumb to do so .

      -Nate

      • 0 avatar
        Lie2me

        ^This^

        If there is just one thing you can teach a kid that will help him the most throughout his life is that life is *NOT* fair, don’t expect it to be. Learning this eliminates a lot of whiny “woe is me” crap.

  • avatar
    Joss

    Keep away – magnets for bad luck that might rub off on you if you go looking for them. It’s all the misfortune & tragedy dealt with on a daily basis on their job. It tends to rub off on them and onto you if you hang with them. Having said that I’m grateful there are people willing to do the job but I wouldn’t fancy my chances. The same used to be said of public executioners. When they used to have hangmen, they never had any good luck in their lives. When you think about it if you make a living off others misfortune, your never gonna have any good luck of your own. Keep away they prefer it that way too.

    • 0 avatar
      rudiger

      Well said. In even those rare, most positive of circumstances, there’s that underlying feeling of “Did I say or do anything that could be used against me in court?”. That’s exactly what I got from the above recounted story when Baruth was told at the end, “You’re free to go”. When, exactly, has a ‘friend’ ever ended a conversation with “You’re free to go”?

      It was as if he was ordered to come in and be detained without even knowing it and absolutely everything he said was being scrutinized for something that needed to be investigated for a possible arrest warrant.

      Ironically, talking to a cop seems most similar to talking with someone in organized crime.

      Due to the waves of bad karma they give off, it’s simply best to pay them their additional protection money (moving violations), let them do whatever they want, and try to avoid cops at all costs.

    • 0 avatar
      StatisticalDolphin

      “Keep away – magnets for bad luck that might rub off on you if you go looking for them. It’s all the misfortune & tragedy dealt with on a daily basis on their job. It tends to rub off on them and onto you if you hang with them. [...]When you think about it if you make a living off others misfortune, your never gonna have any good luck of your own. Keep away they prefer it that way too.”

      Exactly. The job, like many others, changes you.

  • avatar
    CapVandal

    Jack … You are getting old or clearly on the way.

    Women under a certain age and reasonably attractive are very unlikely to get a traffic ticket for a minor violation. Or maybe a not so minor violation.

    Men over a certain age that live in a decent neighborhood (or ironically a really bad neighborhood – cops there are way too busy to bother) are much less likely to get tickets for minor traffic offenses.

    Regardless of how cool you are, you would *never* be able to have a conversation like that with a cop if you were in your early 20′s.

    When I was a kid, there was the vague threat of some violation of school rules would go on your ‘permanent record’. Of course, that was ridiculous.

    Now there is a permanent record called the internet. Arrested but not convicted? No matter. Background check? Now it is cheap and easy and very likely to be done for every and all jobs.

    Back in the day, people arrested for fairly minor offenses — something like a drunken brawl, minor theft, etc. would get 10 days or $100 and be done with it.

    A lawyer/public defender I know referred to a lot of pleas as ‘life on the installment plan’. People get off if they comply with a seemingly reasonable set of conditions. Community service, drug testing, restitution, future court appearances. For the poorest and most disorganized population, simply showing up for a court date is beyond their abilities. They aren’t used to appointments, don’t have cars, are drug users, forget stuff, etc.

    A non trivial number of entertainment celebrities screw this up. Exhibit 1, Lindsy Lohan. Considering their financial resources, this is absurd. But it happens all the time.

    I suppose this is more of a general rant than anything specific to the original post. But …. I tend to like individual police that I have dealt with but dislike our criminal justice system. Whose gate keepers are the police.

  • avatar
    Conslaw

    The complete lack of respect for the police was the thing that bugged me the most about the Need for Speed movie. Well, that and everything else about the movie.

  • avatar

    It’s good to see that we all know that our own personal experiences (or those of our close family and friends) are representative of all law enforcement officers in all locations.


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