The vehicles we aspire to own have one thing in common: timeless design over mere transportation: Ferraris over Fiats. CUVs instead of sedans, or personal luxury vehicles in lieu of a hatchback. So why not treat yourself to a leather-wrapped charging apparatus? Oh yes, it charges your smartphone/tablet with precision…but where’s the passion in that? Let’s charge things up with a review enhancement to id America’s “LX Dual USB Car Charger with Leather Grip” with a two-pronged (get it? nevermind…) attack:
- Rename this stunning work of modern art with a more fitting title: ZOMG LEATHER USB CHARGER!!!1! or “ZLUC” for short.
- Go down memory lane: showing how much better automobiles from several decades work with a ZLUC in their cigar holes.
And, for this Lincoln-Mercury fanboi, what better starting point than the famous 1961 Lincoln Continental? As you can clearly see, ZLUC is a fantastic fit in one of the finest automobiles to grace American roads in the 1960s. The leather-wrapped goodness shows itself off against the strong aluminum elements of the Conti’s dashboard. Also note how ZLUC is intended for Apple products ONLY… Android users? No leather wrapped chargers for you. In fact, do yourself a favor and close this browser (probably not Safari, either) and peep those all-plastic chargers on eBay. Philistine! I’m just kidding! ZLUC’s packaging lists the following items as worthy of getting their electrons massaged by the tender luxury of leather wrapping, in this order:
- iPad mini
- Tablets & Smartphones
So you Android and Windows people can indeed continue reading! The Continental Mark III was well-known for the time a C/D scribe made it from coast to coast with no money, only promises to gas station owners underwritten by the sheer class of this stunning machine. So how dare you consider any non-ZLUC phone charger to duplicate this trip today? Note how ZLUC not only adds to the Mark III’s faux stitching with its REAL leather wrapping, the contrasting color actually matches the wood grain trim! And when not needed, it hides easily in the ashtray binnacle so mere mortals who live without leather infused battery charging shall not be violently jealous of your elevated status. Like you Android users! Obviously the pinnacle of personal luxury design was the late 1970s, before there was a cure for disco fever with downsized machines “from here to eternity.” And obviously the Continental Mark V was the baddest of them all: three inches longer than a Ford Excursion when Cadillac was downsizing their rides for some stupid energy crisis. How will ZLUC fare against the toughest American Hustler? Could it possibly fail? ZOMG DAT LEATHER AND WOOD! You are an absolute fool to not rest your tired booty after a long night of coke snorting disco dancing in the super-classy interior of the Mark V, and let your iPhone recharge via leather wrapped battery rejuvenation! Quite honestly, you need multiple ZLUC’s for every cigar hole in a Mark V! Why you need TWO of these beauties for the rear of both door panels. Did I forget the 1980s? Hardly. Yes the 1990s had mobile phones, but never such uncharted luxury as a USB charger wrapped in the same quality leather as the finest German machine of the era. Yes, the ZLUC smells as good as it looks! But I digress.. The futuristic center stack of the 1993-1995 Lincoln Mark VIII looks rather fantastic in its so good it’s almost not faux wood trimming, complete with ZLUC’s matching brown leather wrapping. Also note the high-tech technology of the blue LED light on ZLUC’s face, proving it’s ready to take your mobile device to the next level… …with luxury in mind! Why that leather wrapped charger is so fantastic I will never use my factory installed car phone again…ever!
But how timeless is this classic for one’s cigar hole? Let’s put it to the ultimate test. ZOMG TESTAROSSA LEATHER USB CHARGER!!!1! As the photo shows, Crockett and Tubbs only need a ZLUC in Cocaine White Leather to completely dominate the Drug Trade! Is there a better way to look moody and intense while charging your iPhone? I think not! Can you imagine the great selfies Crockett could post on Instagram if his iPhone was connected to ZLUC? Hashtag that’s what’s In The Air Tonight!
So can you, dear reader, put a price on such perfection? You fool, the ZLUC is priceless! Or $24.99 plus shipping, available directly at id America’s suitably upscale website. Well, what are you waiting for? A leather wrapped invitation to buy one of these babies for yourself?
(id America provided their LX Dual USB Car Charger with Leather Grip in brown leather for this review.)