Distracted driving is a problem, and if you don’t believe us, just ask Sally Kurgis’s dad. (Miss Kurgis, by the way, got a sweetheart deal from the Columbus courts, something that is currently being hotly debated within the city itself.) Because distracted driving is
a much safer and easier arrest to make than, say, drug dealing such a danger to the public, many police departments in California and elsewhere have a laser-like focus on punishing anyone crazy enough to touch a cellphone while operating a motor vehicle.
A Los Angeles comedian has decided to gum up the easy-ticket-money works a bit —- but there’s some genuine irony involved.
Randy Liedtke had a pretty great idea: bake cookies that look like iPhones, then wait for the inevitable traffic stop. Were the United States still a nation of people who cared about individual liberty, rather than a spiral walkway delivering human cattle to the abattoir of unemployment and welfare dependence while entertaining them along the way with DRM-restricted electro-pap and pornography, every mother in the country would be baking these for her husband and children tomorrow morning.
What if such a blessed event were to actually occur? What if the police of Los Angeles and elsewhere woke to a world where everyone was talking on a cookie? Would they arrest everyone they could on unrelated charges? Would their puppets in the state legislatures enact laws making it illegal to joke about using a mobile phone, the same way you can be detained and imprisoned for criticizing the TSA at an airport?
The truth is that they wouldn’t have to: hysterically-conceived bad legislation cracking down on eating, looking away from the road, and even talking to your own children is already in progress in New Jersey. If it succeeds, the long-hoped-for goal of making every driver a criminal subject to arbitrary enforcement will have finally come true. The day will certainly arrive where holding an iPhone-shaped-cookie is as much of a crime as talking on an iPhone while driving. When it does, just remember: It’s for your own good.